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BonniesMom
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BonniesMom

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30 Oct 2011
It's hard to believe it has already been 3 months since my precious friend went on to Heaven. I can't believe I've already lived this many days without her. She was my constant shadow from the day she first came into my life as a one-pound black ball of fluff and love. From the very first day she claimed my lap and I used to joke that she always managed to be in my lap before I even had a lap, because she was in my lap so fast it seemed like she was in it before I sat down. She slept against my back at night, even in 100 degree weather, all four tiny feet pressed into me like little knobs. If anything disturbed her during the night she growled, even if it was me turning over. She felt I should get in bed, let her snuggle against me, and then not move an inch all night. It wasn't a mean kind of growl, more like a mama dog scolding a wayward puppy. Noises from outside irritated her during her beauty sleep too. She especially hated fireworks and she was particularly growly on the 4th of July.
Bonnie enjoyed scolding her sister too. They were littermates but always so jealous of each other, always trying to play tricks on each other. Whenever her sister got a little scolding, Bonnie tried to take advantage of the situation by mumbling and fussing at her sister too, no matter how many times I explained to her I didn't need her help with the discipline. She took her sister's Nylabones and hid them in neat piles under couches and beds, then scurried out from her hiding place with an innocent look on her face, knowing that her much bigger sister would have a difficult time crawling under to get them out. But don't think her sister didn't play a lot of tricks of her own! I'm afraid they were equally sneaky. Bonnie's favorite thing in the whole world was squeaky toys, and especially her red ladybug. Nothing upset her more than having her sister snatch the ladybug away and having to chase her around and around the dining room table until she victoriously managed to snatch it back. The ladybug was only presented to people she especially liked, such as me and her daddy and a couple other family members. The ladybug was immediately hidden if anyone else's pets visited. Bonnie was certain that her ladybug was highly coveted by one and all and needed protecting.
She rode in the car like such a sweet little lady. She loved to just snuggle up in someone's lap and peep out the window. She traveled well on vacation with us, with exception of rooms with jacuzzi tubs. She was so obsessed with being in my lap that she could never be persuaded from jumping in, although she immediately regretted it every time because she hated being wet. Her sister just looked at her and kind of rolled her eyes.
It took Bonnie probably a year to learn how to bark, and then you could only hear it if you were close to her. Prior to that she could just make a squeaky sound. We don't know why she could never bark, she sounded like a dog that had been de-barked but I guess she was so tiny and had such a tiny little voice that she was never able to make much sound. She thought she was big and scary and had a ferocious bark. She also loved to howl but it was pretty much completely soundless.
Bonnie twirled a lot whenever she was happy, which was most of the time. Sometimes she got so excited about going out to play that she got stuck in a loop inside the door, twirling merrily away, so happy she couldn't stop dancing long enough to go out the door. She also did the "ballerina" a lot, which was standing for long minutes at a time on her hind feet.
Bonnie's most impressive trick was what we called the "special thing" and it was mostly reserved for her daddy. She'd sit in his lap facing him, staring into his eyes, then slowly sit straight back on her bottom just like a person sitting up in a chair. She'd sit that way, front feet curled up in front of her, for 5 to 10 minutes at a time until he finally couldn't take it anymore and started laughing. Then she'd leap at his face and kiss him. It was so cute but she only did it for me whenever I was feeling really sad. She probably only did it for me a dozen or less times in the 12 years I had with her, and almost always when I was having a terrible day. It was like she knew I needed something extra special.
I love and miss her so much. I hope somebody in Heaven is letting her sit on their lap and do the special thing. I hope there are Nylabones and red ladybug squeaky toys and the best treats she's ever tasted. I know she has no cataracts now, and her hearing isn't going away, and her little legs are strong now. I know she can run, run, run through pretty flowered fields.
10 Oct 2011
I lost my little Bonnie Lou, my twelve-year-old Yorkie, to kidney failure on July 30th. It seems like I'm having a harder time with this now than I was when it happened. I don't know, maybe the reality is sinking in now because for a while it just didn't seem real. But now I'm missing her worse than ever and having terrible dreams about her being gone. Everyone else has moved on and I feel worse. My husband says he hasn't had a hard time with this at all, which made me feel like he was being disloyal to Bonnie, because he really was very close to her. Her littermate, Belinda, has pretty much stopped looking for her and seems to have adjusted. But that's good because I've heard of things like this affecting the other pet's health and I wouldn't want that. I am not ready to move on or stop grieving because she was one of the best things I ever had in my life. She never brought me anything but happiness. I'm just wondering if it's normal to feel worse about her death now than I did two months ago.
Also, I would really like to be able to rescue another pet for Belinda to have company and also because I am used to having multiple dogs. But my husband says we can't afford to and I don't think he wants to. I think it would be a great way to honor Bonnie's life to give a good home to a pet in need and I think it would be good for Belinda to have a companion because she's never been the only pet until now. But I guess that will have to wait.
Has anyone else experienced this, that the grief seems to get worse with time instead of better?
8 Sep 2011
In memory of my Bonnie Lou, May 29, 1999-July 30, 2011.
The sweetest girl in the world who only wanted to be where I was. She has my heart forever.
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8 Sep 2011
Do any of you have this problem, that it seems like the rest of the family doesn't care that your pet died? Nobody ever mentions Bonnie but me. When I talk about her it seems like people are just waiting for me to be quiet. And it's not like I talk about her all the time. Maybe once a day I'll think of some little cute thing she used to do and mention it. She was a part of my life for thousands of days, how am I supposed to stop talking about her and thinking about her? I like remembering all her little quirky habits and looking at her pictures.
It seems like it makes it even harder to deal with when I feel like nobody cares that this precious little life is gone out of the world. The world is a darker place without her in it. I dread the holidays this year without her. I dread all the things I have to do for the first time without her.
How do you deal with the grief when you feel like you are in it alone?
3 Sep 2011
I am so happy for those of you who have had visits from your departed pets and at the same time I admit I feel jealous. I don't think my Bonnie has been here. I thought one day I might have heard something but I was napping so I can't be sure. Belinda and I were on the couch and I was sleeping but I thought I heard Bonnie's little toenails go into the kitchen and then I heard water lapping from a bowl. Then I heard the little twirl she always did after she got a drink. I don't know why she always did that, but she'd get a drink and then twirl all the way around in front of her bowl like a little dance. I tried to wake up but couldn't so I think I dreamed it out of wishful thinking. I was exhausted that day from so much crying.

When my poodle died in 1999 I kept hearing his toenails on the floor and sometimes heard him drinking from a bowl that was no longer there. This went on for 6 months but I didn't say anything because I thought it would sound crazy. Then one night my husband and I were watching TV and I heard the little feet go through the kitchen to the water bowl. My husband suddenly turned to me and said, "Are you hearing that?" And it turned out the same thing had been happening to him, so I really believe we were being visited by our little guy. I mean, both of us could possibly be crazy, but I doubt we'd hear the exact same thing at the exact same time. It stopped the day I brought my 2 Yorkies home, as if he knew I'd be OK now and he could go on.

So I keep expecting to see or hear things from Bonnie, while I am actually awake, but it hasn't happened. I know she'd come see me if she could or maybe she's just having such a great time where she is now, healthy again, and she knows Belinda is here to watch over me.
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