Hi everyone....I can't believe that i am back on this forum so soon. I lost my cat romeo 4 months ago and have only just begun to heal.
This morning my husband tragically ran over our beautiful 11 year old boxer "Ben". How can this happen again??? Why does everything we have get taken from us
in such cruel ways? I'm wondering if anyone could give me some wise words to pass on to him, as his grief is so deep right now that i am afraid for his mental health.
Has anyone been through such a terrible thing before? I myself am numb...i must seem so damn cold to everyone but i just can't cry.....im not sure how i feel at the moment
Im still trying to deal with the loss of my Romeo, iv'e been trying to block it all out and now this????
I know my husband is going to have the image of Ben lying there and that's one the hardest things to overcome. My son who is 16 also saw what happend and responded with anger...he is
still angry....he too has only just come to terms with our cat not being here anymore. I guess i am just wanting advice on dealing with my husband's very raw grief. I myself can block things out for
now...i'm getting good at it, but it's dealing with someone else's grief i need help with.

Thanks
Gab.

Dear Gab.

First, please accept my deepest condolences on the tragic loss of your beloved boxer, Ben. Words fail us at times like this and I know that others will come behind me with more articulate thoughts for you, your husband and your son.

I do not believe, in any way, shape or form, that these horrible events are anything but an accident. Your husband did not intend to hurt Ben, nor did he want Ben to die. I know he must have loved Ben as much as you and your son. It is NOT your husband's fault. Please believe me that your husband has no fault with Ben's passing. It was simply a terribly tragic accident. There was nothing that could have changed the course of events at that time. Oh yes, now that time has passed and the feelings of guilt pour into his and your hearts, you may begin to "should" on yourselves. Remember that hindsight is 20/20. If we knew then what we know now is of no help or consolation because there is nothing that could have been changed.

Please tell your husband and son that Ben KNOWS that this was a complete accident and that he still loves all three of you just as much as he did while he was physically still on this earth. Moon_Beam recently said that losing an animal companion causes real physical pain because we've lost the ability to touch and feel our companions. She says it so much better and will probably tell you what she said. Meanwhile, Ben is in no pain and is completely healed of all wounds already. He's gone over the Rainbow Bridge to a Heavenly world where he has already met my Trevor, my sister's dog Gretta and so many, many other wonderful animal companions that will show him the ropes and play, sleep, snuggle, etc. with him whenever he wants to. At the same time Ben's Spirit is right there with you. Every tear you shed is filled with the love you have for Ben. Ben feels every beat of your hearts and knows how precious that is. Ben is in your hearts and your souls, which are shredded right now and he's pouring his love right back at you.

You are not alone in this sorrow, either. None of you are. All of us at Lightning-Strike share in your loss and are here for you 24/7. WE can listen, suggest and support you, your husband and your son. And soon, others will come along and help you.

I want to, once again, tell you and your family how sorry I am that you have lost your Ben. How I, too, wish things were different. But, know that I am always here for you and with you.....................

Blessings...........
Bobbie

Hi Bobbie...Thankyou very much for replying and for your kind words. It's just the whole cruel injustice i am having a hard time deal with, Poor Old Ben was so frail, his eyesight was going as was his hearing. The last time the vet came out he said he had a possible tumor in his chest and was not expected to last another 12 months....I totally blame myself for not letting him go earlier...i'm 100% certain that what happend today would never have occured. But once again that is something i will have to live with. ALWAYS.. Its just so damn wrong that he went that way after all his devoted years to us, He was just so old and tired but to have his life ended like that is just wrong. I mean he struggled and tried to stay with us right up until this morning ..but to have those last few weeks/months stolen away from him is just to much to take in right now.
Thanks again for your words...i guess i've become a bitter person in the last 4 months. Going to take sometime. then again maybe i should put my grief on hold and wait and see if my one and only remaining pet doesn't up and die on me as well. They go in three's don't they.
Gab.

Hi Gab.

I don't remember who your other pet is? And, no, they don't always go in three's. It just seems that way.

I can't even imagine the pain and sorrow you all must be going through now. I have always had "control" over my boys' passing, as if that's a lot of consolation, so I cannot fathom having no control over a death. I do not hear bitterness in your words, rather an anger that understandably runs deep. An anger at fate and circumstances that we have no control over. I think what you are feeling is, again. very normal and perfectly placed. We all get angry at how time continues to push forward, many times towards ends that we do not want to happen. I know I was terribly angry that my Trevor had to be the one to suffer so much pain and misunderstanding. I was also hurt, disappointed and so confused about my emotions.........except for one: my love for Trevor. That has not changed since the first day he walked into our lives just over 2 years ago, already traveling down the road to euthanasia. Gab, feel free to pour out your anger or bitterness or whatever you want to on this site. I am here to LISTEN, not necessarily to comment or reply, but to listen to what is in your heart and soul. I know when Trevor died, my heart was shredded and my soul was crushed. They still are, after 18 weeks apart, but a small part of the edge has smoothed a bit. So it is with you and your family. Take your time, find your ways to honor the life that Ben lived. I'm sure you were starting to think of those things for Romeo and now it is time for Ben as well.

And please don't forget what a wonderful life YOU gave Ben, too. Dogs don't live as long as Ben did without love, love and more love. Give yourself a break, just for tonight, OK? I'll be looking in on you and your husband and your son just as Trevor is right beside Ben now. And so are Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab that ever lived, and Hermy, the darling bunny that recently joined Trevor's little group. All are with Ben, listening to the fabulous stories he is telling about his mom and his dad and his brother here on earth.

Blessings to you all.........................
Bobbie (Trevor's mommy)

Dear Gab,

I am so very sorry to read of your loss. Losing a beloved companion animal is devastating under the "best" of circumstances and under the ones you describe, there are simply no words. My experience losing my Rottweiler, Merlin, several years ago (July 17, 2004 to be exact), while not exactly like your and your family's, bears enough resemblance that I thought it might help if I shared my story. My husband and I were out on our boat and had just pulled into harbor and were gathering our dogs to take them onto shore (we had three altogether with us). Merlin was a fantastic 9 y/o Rottie who was already sick with Megaesphagus and probably would not have lived much longer but was still fighting. He loved being on the boat - he would sit out on the deck for hours and sun himself and watch the surroundings, but we were safe. We never allowed him or any of our dogs out when were were moving and we had the entire perimeter of the boat protected with netting so no one could fall overboard. This particular morning, he was sitting with me in the ##pit and then he got up, smiled at me and went out to sit on the deck. A few miniutes later when we were ready to call the water taxi, Merlin was nowhere to be found - not on deck, not below, simply no where. There aren't many places to be on a boat so it was pretty obvious what had happened and I'll cut the story short to say that while we did find him, we didn't find him alive. We never figured out how he fell over, as there was no hole in the netting and no obvious spot where he could have gone over. My guilt was in the fact that I just let him go out on the deck and a few minutes later, I had a strange feeling - I don't know whether I heard something or felt something - but I didn't get up to investigate. That was probably the moment he fell over. If I had gotten up, I most likely could have saved him from drowning, which I still to this day can't bear to even imagine. So all of this is to say that accidents happen and we will be angry at ourselves for allowing them to but we must forgive ourselves as well. Your husband didn't deliberately run Ben over and would undo it in a moment if he could.

Please accept my most heartfelt condolences and know there are those of us out here that understand at least a little what your family is going through, although I know that is small consolation at this moment. I will keep you in my prayers.

Dear Gab,

Just a quick note tonight to see how youand your family are doing? I hope you are finding even a bit of relief today. I know that Ben and Trevor and Hermy and Gretta and Abbeygale and so many more wonderful companions are together tonight, trading bragging rights about their mommys and daddys. Can you imagine what they are saying?

I promise a longer note tomorrow, but wanted to reassure you that Ben and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Have a good night's rest, OK?

Blessings........................
Bobbie (Trevor's mommy)

Hi Bobbie Hi Merlin.....Yeah i'm holding up alright at the moment..i'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get back to you all. You know i think i'm in shut down mode. Everytime i start to think about what happend to Ben i just switch off and think of something else....I really do think i'm scared to grieve...I know once i start it won't stop. Everytime i drive down my driveway or look over to were he is buried i just feel sick. My husband still hasn't put Ben's bed or food bowls away...they are still sitting in the same spot as they were one week ago so he is obviously having a very hard time dealing with it. We haven't spoken about him for a few days now...my fault once again...i seem to switch off and lock things away. But then again losing both our pets in 3 months is pretty hard to deal with.....not sure' who to greive for sometimes..sounds weird but it's true....I'm still heartbroken over losing Romeo so i feel guilty sometimes for feeling sad about the dog. Very conflicting and confusing emotions. I'm so sorry and sad to hear about Your Merlin such a sad loss. i'm so glad you shared your story with me as it really does help to know I'm not the only one who has experienced such a horrible situation. Thankyou again. and Bobbie i can only Imagine what our furbabies are bragging about!!! Oh the stories they will tell!. Will keep you posted on how things are going. Thanks again everyone.
Gab
p.s sorry if i sound robotic...my brain has taken an early x-mas break

Oh Gab, My heart is breaking to read about your second loss - I'm not surprised that your head and heart are so scattered by it all, i really wish I had better words, please know that i am thinking of you tonight and sending the biggest hugs, Leejaye PS Ben is just the loveliest looking man, again, I am so sorry...