What Ifs, Dealing with Decisions Options

[LoveThem]

In our world of loss...so many times...so many of us have the same thoughts when dealing with a decision that is so final for our loved ones.

I think most of us have seen on TV the miracle of the plane that landed in the Hudson River recently with the ending of the survival of all 155 souls aboard. I just read part of an interview with the Captain who made that landing, Captain Sullenberger, and I was surprised to read this part:

"Sullenberger took control of the plane from his first officer and glided it to safety. He said that in the aftermath of the emergency landing, he lay awake at night SECOND GUESSING his performance, even though all 155 people on board survived. He said he initially had trouble forgiving himself because he thought he could have done something different in that "critical situation". "The first few nights were the worse," Sullenberger said, "when the WHAT IFS started."

"He said he no longer regrets his actions that day, calling his decision to land in the river "the only viable alternative" to trying to return to LaGuardia Airport or landing at Teterboro Airport in New Jersey."

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I never would have thought this man would have had all of this torturing his mind ..after what he did saved 155 lives. We deal with a decision that affects our loved ones lives and it is our loss that makes us think of the "what ifs", etc. (I capitalized the above words in his article because those were the ones I see and we all think so often here.)

Reading this article made me realize how these questions come up no matter if the result of the decision is happy or sad. It kinds of reinforces it when we say and accept.....we made the right decision at the time and we really have to fight the what ifs..that we see comes more naturally than we could ever imagine. We use them when we suffer a loss and yet this man went through the same mind torturing process AFTER knowing the result of his decision was...no losses at all.

Hope this helps us all realize the what ifs do nothing for our grief and can make it worse and that's why we must fight those thoughts every time they come into our mind.

Peace and healing to all of us,
Judy

[sissycat]

Judy very well said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Yes, Judy, all good points. And let us realize, too, that those who suffer the most "what-ifs" are or are capable of being, underneath it all, the very most heart-centered humans of all. So we need to use that process that brings these "what-ifs" up to slowly and gently remind ourselves that behind our agony of second-guessing, lies a heart that's compassionate and caring, and even when we suffer from such thoughts, it also holds the potential to bring us into an awareness of ourselves that's affirming to our sense of self-worth. (the "silver lining" or other side of the coin of feeling such doubt and guilt)

And on a more global perspective, the incredible saving of all of those lives on that plane, and the timing of everything involved, was a miracle, set right before our eyes. I do, however, feel so badly for all the geese that passed as a result and 'cause' of the crash.

[LoveThem]

I agree and understand the "silver lining". It just is so heart-wrenching to hear about what ifs, even though we understand why these thoughts exist in grief.

On your other comment....I never heard it expressed on TV or in the paper and thought I was the only one who was also thinking of the geese. Although I did hear on the TV that the airports are really trying to find ways to avoid such tragedy...I hope so. They might actually find a way because in doing so, their objective mainly will be to save the human lives that can be lost in such a situation, but our feathered friends can benefit also. I think one controller saw them on the radar and another didn't. Asking about migration habits might be a good start for the airlines.

Judy

[myhrtisbrkn]

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"Reading this article made me realize how these questions come up no matter if the result of the decision is happy or sad. It kinds of reinforces it when we say and accept.....we made the right decision at the time and we really have to fight the what ifs..that we see comes more naturally than we could ever imagine. We use them when we suffer a loss and yet this man went through the same mind torturing process AFTER knowing the result of his decision was...no losses at all.

Hope this helps us all realize the what ifs do nothing for our grief and can make it worse and that's why we must fight those thoughts every time they come into our mind."

Wow Judy thanks for that thought? That is a very helpful, and healthy point of view.

We live in th migratory path of the Canadian geese. I'm fascinated by them. There have been any number of times I missed a class or put off an errand following them south and east out of town to the little local lakes, and parks where they like to stop on their way. It has been so warm here this winter that quite a few of them have stayed with us. Naturally, I hope for a humane solution to the conflict between human and goose migratory paths.

[Jon730]

They might actually find a way because in doing so, their objective mainly will be to save the human lives that can be lost in such a situation, but our feathered friends can benefit also. I think one controller saw them on the radar and another didn't. Asking about migration habits might be a good start for the airlines.

Thr trouble is we have helped out feathered friends so much that migrations have been disrupted and there are places in the Northeast where the Canadian Geese never bother migrating. People feed them year round, or they forage. They walk through traffic and stand in the roadway and disrupt traffic and challenege the cars and often lose.

Sometimes funny things happen though. We had a flock of them that moved into my company's parking lot and lawn and would never leave. An employee opened her car door in the parking lot once and startled a gosling. The mother goose intervened...then it WAITED for the employee every day and chased her into the building each morning. The mother goose decided that she hated the employee, and kept the grudge going all year!

Once I was sitting in a plane in Groton waiting my turn to take off. A flock of seagulls decided to do a sit-in on the runway. They just don't care.

The pilot had the "What if" attack probably because he did the hard part, made a difficult decision under terrible stress, and saved all the lives.

After this wore off, he then had the luxury of laying awake, thinking, "I lost the aircraft-Millions of dollars".

It has always been a professional disgrace for a captain to lose a ship. So even if the ending is happy, we find a way to castigate ourselves.

How many times on here do we read, "My Animal Friend had a long and happy life. I had that horrible decision to make when the quality of life went bad...What If..?"
I do it, all the time. "What if I had noticed that lump on Miles' chest in time?" "What if I had listened to my impressions of that quack who killed Pepper?"

[Furkidlets' Mom]

At the Calgary airport, they have a full-time employee whose job is to constantly scare off flocks of various birds (including our Canada geese, gulls, etc.; they leave the coyotes alone there, though, as they're recognizing they're a great, natural help as predators to other creatures in the area). And while geese, in particular, have become a 'problem' in some communities in Canada because of their massive amt. of droppings in public spaces, most of the public here realizes that, if not for mankind rapidly destroying what used to be natural habitats, we wouldn't even have these situations. Luckily, the flocks of geese we have in our town are fine, as we so far still have enough 'wild' land for them to utilize, plus our river and some small wetland areas.

There have been, however, many governmentally-driven slaughter campaigns/programs against geese, too, where the public gets up in arms and has to fight to convince them of finding other means to handle these situations. (just ask Jan, Zita & Ziggy's Mom! ) In the end, it's still mankind who created the problem, but it's the geese who die en masse for it. We're so greedy for land, and now the sky, too, and insist it must ALL be only for US, that the other creatures have no places left to go half the time. And with less and less healthy wild &/or agricultural land for them to share, too, just as we would, they'll go wherever the most reliable food sources are. (and people will continue to insist on feeding them UNhealthy things, like BREAD ) There's ALWAYS another, more humane way to handle these things:

Watch more IFILM videos on AOL Video

I wonder if part of that pilot's "what-ifs" also included feeling badly about the geese, but he doesn't want to say so in public?

And yet, I have a feeling that these particular goose-clothed souls gave up their physical lives here in order that more solutions be delved into that will serve the All.