Just Fed Up! Options

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Even though I'm trying hard to work on these kinds of problems from within, at the same time I still have to VENT, so as not to implode as I do so!

The preamble:
We've had tons of snow here of late, the temps. have plummeted to daytime 'highs' of -24 C.-ish (that's -31F. to you Americans), and with the windchill factor, it feels to the flesh like about -40-ish (that's the same on the F. scale). So, in a nutshell, it's stupidly COLD and anyone can get frostbite on exposed skin w/i about 5 mins. Responsible people keep their animals indoors in such weather, or only let them out, watching them, for just enough time to do their business, or dress them (dogs) up appropriately for very short walks.

The issues at hand about which I need to vent:
We have a neighbour about 7 doors down who's got a Siamese cross kitten ("Princess") who is now already 7-8 months old and is still unspayed (and very tiny, like Nissa was), yet is allowed to run around the neighbourhood unsupervised. (I've also seen an unfixed tom around here lately, too...great) I'd talked to this woman (and her husband, AND their nanny - so no, they're not exactly poor) more than once about getting their cat fixed. I've taken her home many a time when she came over to play (in or out), either with me or with another young cat who frequents our yard at times (but who is spayed & doesn't stay long). This family never goes looking for her, counts on her returning like magic despite their last Siamese having gotten in fights with other cats and having died, supposedly as a result of "infection" from one such fight.....which I suspect this woman must not have bothered noticing, IF she even knows what she's talking about, which I also doubt, judging from her ignorance on many other related matters. In other words, she wants her cake and eat it, too, living in total denial of the FACTS and consequences of HER decisions on behalf of her cats. According to her, all other animals (wild and domestic) should somehow know enough to just leave HER cat be (while she does nothing herself), people should not help her cat out or....I kid you not, she told me this to my face.....even be NICE to her cat so as not to "encourage" her to hang out in their yards.....so I assume she thinks the middle of the ROAD would be a safer place!?!?! (by contrast, other folks have told me they'd love to have a cat-friendly person like me as their neighbour)

I'd last left a pamphlet (when taking Princess home yet again) from our local no-kill shelter with their nanny, to pass on to this woman, which offers subsidized spay/neuter if costs are a factor for people. Included, of course, are several facts about the wisdom & benefits of fixing your animal (with an emphasis on cats who breed more prolifically than do dogs). Today I was told she never got any such pamphlet......yah, sure.

In any case, I happened to open my front door for something this afternoon, and here was her cat......out in sub-zero temps. and clamoring to get in to MY house. Sigh. I was mad enough already about such stupidity when I donned my gear and walked her home (she doesn't take kindly to being toted). The woman was not grateful that I'd brought her cat back safe and sound. The cat had darted immediately into their house, obviously wanting to get indoors quick. But no, no grat*itude.....in fact, she was downright SURLY and even wanted to know if I'd been the one who'd brought her back YESTERDAY as well! (no, it wasn't me, and yesterday was even COLDER than today, so at least one other person around here also thought she shouldn't have been out) She then claimed her cat was "tearing up our HOME if we don't let her out every few minutes." (unsaid: and not keep checking for her at the door!) Gee, could this maybe be because she needs someone to PLAY with her and no one will?! And it sure sounds like the state of the furniture takes precedence. (they also have 2 toddlers who haven't been instructed on how to pick up or hold a cat properly - I've seen it myself more than once...I can only imagine the rest of the story...) I don't buy her story anyway, considering Princess has NEVER done any damage around OUR place, no matter how many times she's been inside, or even left to her own devices for awhile. I told her it only takes a few MINUTES for frostbite damage to occur in this weather (and like I said, this cat has no added fat layers, besides).

Then I asked her if she'd gotten the pamphlet I'd left, as for all we knew, her cat could already be pregnant. Supposedly, no, but she was already "well aware" of my "opinions." So I mentioned that spays/neuters were subsidized by this shelter, if money was an issue. Then came the bombshell, or the REAL truth that she'd been hiding all along, which would suggest that she KNOWS at some level that it's not a socially-acceptable thing and so wants it hidden. "No, I'm not prepared to sterilize her just yet." I asked why not. "Because we may yet decide to let her have some kittens first. And what would happen to all those kittens? Would they keep them all then? "No, we wouldn't." And where are they all to go then when millions of animals are killed per year for the lack of people providing them all homes, and so she'd then be part of the problem and not the solution? "Oh, there are LOTS of homes for SIAMESE kittens!"

Uh-huh. Sure there are.

Not that their cat is even a pure-bred Siamese anyway (she'd told me so herself previously), if THAT'S what she's trying to fall back on. And WHAT "Siamese" kittens if she simply gets pregnant out on the streets by an unknown tom?

She then asked what "problems" was I referring to anyway? OMG.....I know she's lived in several major cities, and is obviously not poor so must be fairly well-educated (she was away on a training course last week), so how could she possibly be THAT ignorant of such issues?

I suggested she call up this shelter instead and ask the founder "what problems" 'backyard' breeding of cats cause for everyone concerned. I refrained, perhaps NOT wisely, from telling her that every single animal that's willingly allowed to breed takes away a potential home for every, single homeless one....and that that's just the beginning of the whole, sorry story.

She then told me in so many words to get off her property. I muttered something about "Gad! You people!" as I shook my head in disbelief, sorrow and utter frustration and left, once again disgusted with the human race...so uncaring, so oblivious, so indifferent, so selfish, so stupid, creating suffering everywhere they go. I wonder how much MONEY she's thinking they can ask for these future souls......IF Princess even survives that long. (and this furgirl is SUCH a sweetheart and reminds me SO much of both of my kids, it makes it that much more heartbreaking, wondering what her fate will be)

I'm trying SO hard to figure out what is it in ME that's brought this manifested issue to the forefront for me to be ready to release in myself....but for the life of me, I can't think of a time when I was anywhere NEAR that indifferent towards ANY animal, so it must have to do with how I see the actions of people such as this woman's. How in the world, though, can I just release this, knowing all that I've come to know about all the wholly-interrelated animal issues over the last 20 years, where THEY are the ones who pay the ultimate price almost every time? My H figures maybe HE needs to head over there next time, instead of me, and tell her something like, "If you're going to insist on treating your animals as if they're nothing but property, then next time we find your cat on OUR property, infringing on OUR rights," (not that we really care about her visiting our safer haven or asking for our as*sistence) "I'm going to take her to the pound and not even tell you where she's gone." He's thinking something more forceful like that might be the only thing that might make them keep her indoors, at the least. But then she'll go into heat, as she probably already has and 'drive them crazy' and then they might get rid of her anyway. Lordy, it all makes my head just spin and my heart go limp with sorrow, wondering HOW are things ever to go better for all the animals when there are people like THIS everywhere?

And that's my rant for today. But if she shows up again tomorrow, I honestly don't know what to do anymore. The bulk of the world does NOT want to accept responsibility for their actions and I'm fed up. Oh, and if you knowingly let your animals breed, I don't care what your 'reasoning' is, please don't even talk to me. Until every abandoned and feral animal has a home where they're looked after, as far as I'm concerned, there's no excuse good enough to allow breeding of even more.

[sissycat]

Sounds as if she might get better care in one of those no kill shelters?!?!?!

I just can't stand people like that. Why even bother having a pet if you don't care. Sigh-------------------

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Well, the hell of it is, NO shelter (unless maybe it's a really well-run sanctuary with lots of good volunteers to keep it running and to provide things like regular playtime, etc. for the animals) is really an optimal environment for anyone, even if they do at least get to keep living. And most of them are crowded, too, because of all the people like this who don't care. It also depends on whether they're allowed to roam around the shelter free, or whether they're caged all, or the bulk of the time. So it depends highly on the shelter itself. But with ours, the founder won't take an animal if it has a known home, because she simply doesn't have enough room for the HUNDREDS that would 'magically' appear on her doorstep otherwise. She prefers to educate people and try to force them into taking responsibility themselves, even if it's to find that animal a newer and better home.

In fact, the founder of ours just vented to me this wknd. about a cat with very distinctive features being half-frozen out in the snow when someone found her. Her 'owners' were tracked down through an ad they'd placed in the local paper awhile ago. They came and stood looking at this cat and bald-facedly claimed to her that this cat wasn't theirs. After being questioned a bit more, they relented and admitted she was theirs. They'd stopped caring.....after having had her 'declawed'. They went to those expenses and then just gave up on her regardless. People are selfish and cold-hearted.

These are the people of our communities. It's mind-boggling, but it happens everywhere, some places more than others, but still everywhere. And even if she could be admitted to our no-kill, I could be charged with theft, as animals are still just "property" in the eyes of the law. And these ***holes would just get another cat, as they've already done before. And they most likely buy them from breeders, or from someone ELSE who just lets their own breed indiscriminately. It wouldn't solve a thing, unfortunately.

I just want to sit down and cry and live in the middle of the woods, with none of these people anywhere near me.

[Jon730]

You said she had a nanny? Does that imply she has CHILDREN? What are they like? Feral?

There are people who consider children and animals to be obligatory property they are expected to have as part of the Suburban Script.
They do not want them, never wanted them, and do not care about them in the least, except as a "Thing" they "Own".

One example: The Columbine Massacre kids.

"Here's a computer, here's a car, get out of our sight and don't BOTHER US. We do not want to know what you are doing, or what the sawed-off shotgun barrel was doing on your dresser!""

Just murder-by-proxy Yuppie S c u m.

They are getting theirs now.
Yes, my portfolio is in ashes as well, but they are going down farther and faster.
As we joke around here, "When their wives get to twenty Dollars...BUY."

[ann]

I'm sure this cat was a cute little kitten when they got her. Then it grew up, not so cute anymore. Then the kids came and needed to be spoiled. Cat, what cat, who cares about the cat. Spay, not today, I have to get my nails done, then my hair, then a pedicure, etc...These people should not have pets. They don't know the meaning of the word. Sadly, I have met a few of these kind.
I heard once years ago that it's healthier for a cat to have a litter first, but now I don't agree. The shelter I voulenteer at, spays and neuters all their animals before putting them up for adoption. Case closed.. Princess is in heat and that's why she want s to be out all the time. And like you said, she's probably pregnant now. (or will be soon).. Then what, when the kittens are not pure siamese, and she can't get any $$ for them..Your probably not in the position to do this, but offer to take Princess if she doesn't want it. But then, who's to say she may get another pet for her children to "grow up with".
I understand your frustration, Furkidletsmom, it's terrible.
I heard a story in the news today that because it's so cold there even the wild animals are trying to sneak into homes to stay warm.. I'm sure you live in a beautiful place, you must to have to put up with these brutal winters.. Stay warm, or heated from this woman's actions or lack there-of.. Ann

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Thanks, you guys, for reading about my frustration and letting me know there's support and understanding here about these atrocities. Wouldn't it be nice if that was enough, all by itself, to solve these problems for the poor animals?

Yes, Jon, as I'd mentioned, these people have 2 (male) toddlers, and one can just imagine the shoddy atti*tudes they're being taught about animals already. People don't even think past the ends of their short-sighted noses to teach their own flesh and blood about ethical behaviour anymore, so it is any wonder they grow up to be and act like sc*um to both animals and other humans? Funny, I thought parents were supposed to lose sleep over their own parenting skills, or lack thereof.

By contrast, the husband was actually quite nice (the first one I'd spoken to, way back in the beginning) and seemed willing to learn about cat-related health & welfare issues. But obviously, he doesn't have much say in things over there. HE hadn't minded coming over to pick up Princess the day I found out where she 'belonged' (we'd kept her overnight then, not knowing which house she might have lived in). They then kept her in only 3 days, stupidly thinking that would be long enough for her to get to know where her house was. Idiots.

The woman, on the other hand, was royally pissed off that she had to walk down the street the NEXT time I'd called to let them know she was here again. This was a few months ago, when this all started. The next time, their niece and 'grandma' (who could only shuffle along slowly) made the trek. Next, this woman told me she didn't even WANT me to call them if Princess showed up here, and that's when she suggested I ignore her &/or treat her meanly. I suggested she might put up bird feeders herself, to keep Princess more interested in their OWN yard. But no, she didn't want birds (said with a huge, derisive sneer in her voice) in HER yard! You would have thought I'd suggested she entice killer bees or something. And no squirrels, either! Gawd, no! There was ONE, next door, already and that was MORE than enough, and close enough for her!

I think you're right, Jon. This is someone who's followed the proscribed 'script' of someone else's ideas for life, while she doesn't want ANY of it, really. I mean, why get a cat, or any other being, if you get NO enjoyment from other species?

Not that knowing this solves the problem, either.

Ann, these people had their kids before this woman replaced their last cat with Princess. Princess is still a kitten - acts like one, certainly still looks like one (as I said, she's very tiny, just as my own girl always remained) and hasn't gotten any larger or any less spunky since I first met her a few months ago. She is also just a beautiful cat and a total hoot, a huge bundle of energy who seldom stops, even when she ought to. I'd pointed out to both the wife and husband that they might want to have her heart and lungs checked out whenever she was at the vet, as she actually pants with her tongue hanging fully out, and her head wiggles from side-to-side as if she's dizzy, when she plays for too long or too boisterously. (I was already disgusted that THEY should have been the ones telling ME about these things) They never will, I see now. So she may already have an inherent weakness.....which will likely get passed on to any progeny should she breed. And then what will happen to THOSE kittens when people realize they'll cost them more in vet bills? No one can rightly imagine that any home THIS woman lets kittens go to is going to be a SMART home, with CARING people.

But this woman certainly has no intention of parting with her cat, no matter how incongruent that is to her treatment of her. She's her PROPERTY and she is her OWNER. Besides, although I don't mind helping cats out around here, if I took in all those who are being treated poorly around here, I'd have to start my own shelter, there are that many. Not what I envision for my own life because if it were, I'd already have gone that route. And again, it's like the old parable of teaching a man to fish....I can't rectify everyone else's irresponsibility.

I've known since I'd first adopted our kids (so now over 20 yrs. ago) that allowing females to have even one litter before spaying them was not only irresponsible to the bigger picture, but also sets them up for all sorts of potential health problems, some very grave, that could easily be avoided if spayed ASAP. That basic info. has been out there for decades already, even though STILL most vets don't necessarily tell their clients. And NOW they can even spay much earlier than before (at 2 months, sometimes less), with even fewer risks to female cats than previously, or at an older age (still talking only months here, by "older"). They've proved it's faster when they're really young, they're under anesthetic for less time (always a good thing) and they recover MUCH quicker with fewer side-effects, the younger they are. So any shelter that allows any animal out its door WITHOUT being fixed first is every bit as irresponsible as the public they're clamoring at to spay/neuter! The Calg. H.S., as far as I know, STILL doesn't do this, but just gives a useless 'ticket' to adopters to bring the animals back later, or they can go elsewhere if they choose to pay extra for it -- blithering idiocy, as many people never return, so the H.S. itself has added to the problem they claim they're trying to eradicate! The H.S. we adopted from, elsewhere, also used to do this, but now don't. All animals are fixed and ID'd first. I took our kids back at their slated time - it was included in the initial adoption fee - but I would have had it done wherever, regardless.

Speaking of ID, when Princess was first running around, they at least bought her a breakaway collar, as I'd suggested until she got spayed and tattooed (they didn't even know about tattoos - gad!). She has since lost her collar, the nanny hadn't even noticed, and the family has not even bothered replacing it. So she has NO ID whatsoever now. So even a cheapo collar is too much money to spend on her safety.

Meanwhile, we've been keeping another neighbour's cat here during this deep freeze, because HE has to live in the garage and I'm not sure we can trust this guy's claim that there's a heater in there for him and his other feline buddy. He's obviously not used to using a litterbox, either and I kid you not, he holds his pee in so long, I fill a cottage cheese container's worth when he finally goes! OVER 24 hrs. last time! (but it was too cold for him to want to go outside - I tried EVERYTHING I could think of, as this isn't healthy for a cat to do!) He just happened to be here when it began blizzarding and he's not gone home since. Grew up as a barn cat before being 'taken in' by these morons, but he'd rather be indoors. THIS family won't allow ANY of their animals indoors anymore, ever since they had their 2 kids. (I eventually told the guy that's no kind of REAL "rescue", so they'd best not brag about themselves that way anymore - I got screamed at for 5 mins. before I mentioned it) I'm hoping tonight we'll be able to tote him home (it's warmed up some for now), as his pal's probably missing him by now. This one apparently used to take off for WEEKS at a time, come back starved...and these other heathens never even bothered looking for him....among many other horrid stories I was regaled with, including someone breaking his jaw once. I swear, the high alti*tude here must affect people's brain cells, they're so awful, no matter WHERE they originally came from.

So yes, Ann, parts around here are very beautiful, physically, but morally and emotionally, it's a wasteland, despite the generally higher education levels of those who move here. I don't belong here and it's killing my spirit as I try to effect my own recovery - no wonder it's taking as long as it is! I couldn't BE more opposite to everyone here and I haven't yet met ONE human here who even understands where I'm coming from...not even my shelter friend, who admitedly just "can't u n d e r s t a n d" the deep emotional bond and spiritual relationship I shared with my own furkids. And she's a huge animal lover, obviously! I understand she has no time to delve into such intimate relationships with any of her own animals (and she's ended up with MANY who will never be adopted out), but you'd think she'd at least appreciate those who can. So even she thinks I'm a little 'off'. And apparently I don't do "enough"....i.e. as much as her - all the while not either knowing OR even understanding the things I DO do on their behalf. In her world, if you don't do it ALL, and exactly how SHE does it, you're not much above the rest of the pack. I can't 'win' with ANY of these people, even if I highly respect some of them despite their own flaws.

So this other crap is NOT what I need to be seeing, much less dealing with more personally. I can also see that what I hope to be my animal-focused healing career will likely never go anywhere here, with so many uncaring OWNERS not caring whether their animals live or die, much less seeking out extra help for their health or emotional issues. I'm so depressed by now, I'd scream if I had that much energy left.

[EloosParents]

It would take a lot for me not to let little Princess inside my home (for good) next time she comes over. As I read your post, I could not help but think that is why this has manifested.

I can certainly understand your frustration but I am also so thankful for people like you who care!!!!

Hugs,

Angelique (Eloos Mama)

[madi]

I hate people like her. I think that cute kitty would vanish into thin air the next time I saw it. I would find a loving home far away from her for that kitty. Mind you ignorant cruel people like her would probably just replace it.

madi xx

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Hi folks. Just to update you, after your kind replies:

Much more has happened in the year since I first posted this. In short(er), the other cat, along with another one, plus 3-4 dogs & 2 rabbits were ALL abandoned at their house last summer, for about 2 wks. before anything was discovered. The whack-job guy trashed the (rented) house inside & then disappeared (has something like 3 or more warrants out for his arrest now, one being for animal abuse/abandonment; no one knows what happened to his wife & kids, either, but apparently he was a wife-beater at the least), leaving only one cat & the rabbits locked indoors, with no litterbox, some dirty water dripping (into a bucket) from a smashed water tank, & only a bag of DOG food for them to eat. These poor creatures must have been subjected to the trauma of his smashing everything in sight, as well. The outdoor 'cat door' (a piece of cardboard) to the garage was blocked off, unbeknownst to us, so my cat friend couldn't have gotten in there the whole time, & was probably frantic over where his buddy was. Neighbours around there (none of whom ever spoke out on behalf of the animals, it seems) assumed the dogs just took off, as the gate was left open (they 'lived' outside). Our cat friend had been at our house that morning, but was suddenly snatched up by the real estate agent when he made a trip back again, likely to look for his pal. She took him, & prior to this, the other cat & the rabbits to the H.S. in the city, unbeknownst to us. We never found out his fate of the other cat, but assume the H.S. likely had him killed, he was apparently so matted his skin was pulling away from his body. He never did appear on their website, so unless he was being fostered, they must have killed him off. It took me over 4 wks. to even find out what had happened to everybody, but thankfully, the one cat (my friend) was adopted out. Turns out he'd had both his tattoo AND a microchip, meaning he'd had to have had at least 2 homes before this last joke of one. Yet I couldn't find out if his previous people had ever been looked for, or contacted. I still worry about him every day, as he wasn't used to being an exclusively indoor cat & I can only hope he never got/gets loose from his new home (where cats aren't allowed to be outdoors unless contained). I sense he's still alive, but don't know for sure.

Princess was eventually spayed (yay) after she'd been in heat for about a month & my H 'complained' to them again. But now.... she may or may not still be alive; haven't found out for certain yet. She'd made friends with the other cat in the meantime & they'd both come to visit & play, with me & with each other, sort of. When the other one disappeared, she kept coming for just a little while longer. Then one day she suddenly became very ill in our backyard but disappeared when I went to leave a message for her family (by phone) & I then alerted her 'nanny' (the family, proper, was away, it turned out), who'd already booked her into the vet for the next day, as it seems this was the 2nd time she'd been ill like this (I hadn't known that). They didn't find anything specific, but put her on an antibiotic for awhile. I got to visit her once at her house, right after her appt., and she was still quite ill, but a little improved. Saw her once more in her home's window & my H saw her once after that on their driveway. (they'd been keeping her in due to her illness, but it sounded like they were planning on letting her out at some point again) But I've not seen her since, so don't know if she survived, or what. By then I'd made up my mind that I'd tell them I'd take her in a heartbeat, should they not want her anymore, after many "magical" things happened between her and I prior to this, and she'd stolen my heart away, the little sweetheart.

I have some Xmas gifts sitting here for the various neighbourhood cats I know, but haven't attempted to take any over there yet, since soon after all this, the 'nanny's' car was simply no longer there, and she's the only one who was kind (and receptive) to both Princess and I (I'd helped her search for Princess when she was ill and hadn't returned home yet, and offered extra help to her when I last visited). But since the 'mother' doesn't like me for speaking up in the past (and has heard the story of my later involvement, I'm sure), I'm not sure if she'd even accept these gifts, nor even tell me the truth about Princess (i.e. let me actually see her, proving she's alive), should she be the one to answer the door. So it's at a standstill as of now, as I can't think of how to best approach these people. And if I find out she's dead, this will be an extra-hard Xmas season that I don't know I could cope with. So I sit and hope for inspiration...

Thanks for your caring, too, about these precious ones, who deserved much better than this from Day One.