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> The only way I can get him back is to be happy
Rhapsedy
post Apr 26 2011, 07:59 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 258
Joined: 16-December 09
From: Jackson, MI
Member No.: 6,273



"The only way I can get him back is to be happy, to feel peace in my heart, to live the way he showed me to live, and to make use of the gifts he gave me." --Unknown

I found these wise words scribbled on a piece of scrap paper when I was sorting through a pile of papers on my desk. The words were surrounded by quotation marks, which usually means I wrote them down while talking to someone on the telephone. This time, though, I forgot to make note of the speaker!

And I regret that because whoever spoke these profound words deserves credit for understanding the key to healing our feelings of grief.

Grieving doesn't mean replaying hurtful memories over and over again in our minds. And it doesn't mean continuing to relive the painful feelings we associate with loss either. Yet, that's what many of us believe grief to be: Feeling lousy. Staying with the sadness. Living less than whole lives.

It's as if we believe we have been "chosen" to bear the pain of losing someone dear to us and now we must "honor" that task by never feeling joy again. Continuing to grieve, we believe, keeps us connected to the loved one who has died. It would be disloyal to feel anything else!

Yet, nothing could be further from the truth.

The process of grieving is simply another name for the process of healing. Grieving means finding the love that remains even though loss has occurred.

When we focus our minds on the memories of what our loved one taught us and gave us and, when we incorporate those lessons into who we are now, we find meaning and personal growth.

Our loved ones who die, especially our pets who love us unconditionally, don't want us to feel lousy out of loyalty to them! Hey, they loved us! And anyone who truly loves you wants you to be happy, right?

If you're feeling sad and depressed because you're grieving, allow yourself to truly FEEL those feelings, down to the tips of your toes, and then release them and move on to the feelings of love.

Feel peace in your heart and make use of the gifts your pet or your human loved one gave you.
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janika
post Apr 26 2011, 11:46 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,071
Joined: 12-September 09
From: UK
Member No.: 6,120



Wise and wonderful words, Dear Rhapsedy, thank you so much for posting them. I have made many attempts to put how I feel into words and I never seem to be able to get it 'just' right, and in a way that people can understand what I am trying to express. Your words are perfect, and I am sure they will help many people on here.

Hugs

Jan and my Angelss and Pixie x
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LS Support
post Apr 26 2011, 12:59 PM
Post #3


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From: Midwest USA
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hi there, i am not entirely sure what you mean by Important Topics. taking a look at the forum's main page, which category are you speaking ot?


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While all people here help each other, there are
times where an advanced degree of help may be needed.

If at any time you feel overwhelmed or consumed
by grief, it is always best to seek professional help.
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Cheryl83
post Apr 26 2011, 03:57 PM
Post #4





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From: Liverpool, UK
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I think Rhaspedy just means 'can it be pinned' smile.gif


--------------------
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone,
For parts of us went with you ... the day God called you home


My beautiful Angel, Daisy - I will love and miss you forever xx
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Rhapsedy
post Apr 27 2011, 10:58 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
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From: Jackson, MI
Member No.: 6,273



Yes, that's what I meant... thanks Cheryl. smile.gif
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LS Support
post Apr 28 2011, 11:38 AM
Post #6


Forum Administrator


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Posts: 1,069
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i have pinned it, but the post title could use a change up to better reflect its content. please message me with your desired topic title.


--------------------




click map


Visit Our Website

Support This Site

Pet Loss Blog

Pet Loss Books







While all people here help each other, there are
times where an advanced degree of help may be needed.

If at any time you feel overwhelmed or consumed
by grief, it is always best to seek professional help.
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Gretta's Mom
post May 2 2011, 07:24 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 2,020
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Thank you SO much, Rhapsody. I'm going to make a poster of these words and some pictures of lovely Gretta girl. Whoever wrote these words truly GOT IT!

QUOTE (Rhapsedy @ Apr 26 2011, 07:59 AM) *
"The only way I can get him back is to be happy, to feel peace in my heart, to live the way he showed me to live, and to make use of the gifts he gave me." --Unknown

I found these wise words scribbled on a piece of scrap paper when I was sorting through a pile of papers on my desk. The words were surrounded by quotation marks, which usually means I wrote them down while talking to someone on the telephone. This time, though, I forgot to make note of the speaker!

And I regret that because whoever spoke these profound words deserves credit for understanding the key to healing our feelings of grief.

Grieving doesn't mean replaying hurtful memories over and over again in our minds. And it doesn't mean continuing to relive the painful feelings we associate with loss either. Yet, that's what many of us believe grief to be: Feeling lousy. Staying with the sadness. Living less than whole lives.

It's as if we believe we have been "chosen" to bear the pain of losing someone dear to us and now we must "honor" that task by never feeling joy again. Continuing to grieve, we believe, keeps us connected to the loved one who has died. It would be disloyal to feel anything else!

Yet, nothing could be further from the truth.

The process of grieving is simply another name for the process of healing. Grieving means finding the love that remains even though loss has occurred.

When we focus our minds on the memories of what our loved one taught us and gave us and, when we incorporate those lessons into who we are now, we find meaning and personal growth.

Our loved ones who die, especially our pets who love us unconditionally, don't want us to feel lousy out of loyalty to them! Hey, they loved us! And anyone who truly loves you wants you to be happy, right?

If you're feeling sad and depressed because you're grieving, allow yourself to truly FEEL those feelings, down to the tips of your toes, and then release them and move on to the feelings of love.

Feel peace in your heart and make use of the gifts your pet or your human loved one gave you.

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Wnd171207
post Feb 6 2012, 11:11 AM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 5
Joined: 4-February 12
Member No.: 7,465



QUOTE (Rhapsedy @ Apr 26 2011, 07:59 AM) *
"The only way I can get him back is to be happy, to feel peace in my heart, to live the way he showed me to live, and to make use of the gifts he gave me." --Unknown

I found these wise words scribbled on a piece of scrap paper when I was sorting through a pile of papers on my desk. The words were surrounded by quotation marks, which usually means I wrote them down while talking to someone on the telephone. This time, though, I forgot to make note of the speaker!

And I regret that because whoever spoke these profound words deserves credit for understanding the key to healing our feelings of grief.

Grieving doesn't mean replaying hurtful memories over and over again in our minds. And it doesn't mean continuing to relive the painful feelings we associate with loss either. Yet, that's what many of us believe grief to be: Feeling lousy. Staying with the sadness. Living less than whole lives.

It's as if we believe we have been "chosen" to bear the pain of losing someone dear to us and now we must "honor" that task by never feeling joy again. Continuing to grieve, we believe, keeps us connected to the loved one who has died. It would be disloyal to feel anything else!

Yet, nothing could be further from the truth.

The process of grieving is simply another name for the process of healing. Grieving means finding the love that remains even though loss has occurred.

When we focus our minds on the memories of what our loved one taught us and gave us and, when we incorporate those lessons into who we are now, we find meaning and personal growth.

Our loved ones who die, especially our pets who love us unconditionally, don't want us to feel lousy out of loyalty to them! Hey, they loved us! And anyone who truly loves you wants you to be happy, right?

If you're feeling sad and depressed because you're grieving, allow yourself to truly FEEL those feelings, down to the tips of your toes, and then release them and move on to the feelings of love.

Feel peace in your heart and make use of the gifts your pet or your human loved one gave you.



This is just what I needed today with it being one week my furbaby, Spanky, has been gone. I've been having a really hard time with the guilt of putting him to sleep among other things. Those words are wonderful words from the unknown author. I'm going to use those words in memorializing my furbaby ♥
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olivia
post Feb 7 2012, 07:15 AM
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Thank you for posting this.
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LynnMiller
post Nov 12 2012, 08:36 AM
Post #10





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 35
Joined: 30-October 12
Member No.: 7,809



I just read your post. I know months later. I hope you get this. I just saw a picture of your dog. How precious and beautful. How painful it can be for us.

I just lost my Lucymae 4 weeks ago. Tell me, does the grief get better? I had to take down her picutres and I just put them back up. I still have her two sweaters and raincoat in the dresser. I can't look at them yet. I thought about taking them to the dog park and donating them or bringing them to the good will center for animals.

I still have her blankie she passed away on. I sleep with it. Yesterday I looked at it very closely and could see her little hairs on it. It broke my heart. I put my nose to the blankie and took in a big breath of air. I could smell her essence.

I miss her so much. I hope you are doing better.

Lynn
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Petey
post Nov 13 2012, 02:30 PM
Post #11





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1
Joined: 13-November 12
From: wisconsin
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QUOTE (LynnMiller @ Nov 12 2012, 07:36 AM) *
I just read your post. I know months later. I hope you get this. I just saw a picture of your dog. How precious and beautful. How painful it can be for us.

I just lost my Lucymae 4 weeks ago. Tell me, does the grief get better? I had to take down her picutres and I just put them back up. I still have her two sweaters and raincoat in the dresser. I can't look at them yet. I thought about taking them to the dog park and donating them or bringing them to the good will center for animals.

I still have her blankie she passed away on. I sleep with it. Yesterday I looked at it very closely and could see her little hairs on it. It broke my heart. I put my nose to the blankie and took in a big breath of air. I could smell her essence.

I miss her so much. I hope you are doing better.

Lynn


Was very stuck also by the quote, am here today as a newbie finding support from losing my big boy Pete (FIV) Main Coon cat on Nov 9th. Like you Lynn, I am sleeping w/his blanket. I have a bit of an treasure trove of beloved things piling up in my bed that I can grasp at night when I wake and realize he's not there with me. I know this takes time, tears, accpetance. I've given myself something to look forward to when I come home to a quiet and empty house; I allow myself to be in the puddle of tears and then sit down to write my heart out in a journal just for letters to Pete.

And I remind myself that he loved me best when I was happy. I love myself best then as well. so I weep, mourn my loss and write, talk, tell stories to anyone that will listen. I come to these pages to share my grief and be a part of other's grief as well since we can offer support.

I don't think the grief ever goes away but it changes. When I read the postings from the loved humans that shared their lives with dogs, I remember my beautiful Irish Setter and our happy days. I still miss her after 26 years and I recall the heavy grief then. So yeah, grief changes--.

My best to all that come here, wishes of peace and comfort and thanks for sharing yourselves and stories of your loved ones.

Lynn
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ida
post Jan 1 2013, 07:53 PM
Post #12





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1
Joined: 31-December 12
Member No.: 7,869



QUOTE (Rhapsedy @ Apr 26 2011, 08:59 AM) *
"The only way I can get him back is to be happy, to feel peace in my heart, to live the way he showed me to live, and to make use of the gifts he gave me." --Unknown

I found these wise words scribbled on a piece of scrap paper when I was sorting through a pile of papers on my desk. The words were surrounded by quotation marks, which usually means I wrote them down while talking to someone on the telephone. This time, though, I forgot to make note of the speaker!

And I regret that because whoever spoke these profound words deserves credit for understanding the key to healing our feelings of grief.

Grieving doesn't mean replaying hurtful memories over and over again in our minds. And it doesn't mean continuing to relive the painful feelings we associate with loss either. Yet, that's what many of us believe grief to be: Feeling lousy. Staying with the sadness. Living less than whole lives.

It's as if we believe we have been "chosen" to bear the pain of losing someone dear to us and now we must "honor" that task by never feeling joy again. Continuing to grieve, we believe, keeps us connected to the loved one who has died. It would be disloyal to feel anything else!

Yet, nothing could be further from the truth.

The process of grieving is simply another name for the process of healing. Grieving means finding the love that remains even though loss has occurred.

When we focus our minds on the memories of what our loved one taught us and gave us and, when we incorporate those lessons into who we are now, we find meaning and personal growth.

Our loved ones who die, especially our pets who love us unconditionally, don't want us to feel lousy out of loyalty to them! Hey, they loved us! And anyone who truly loves you wants you to be happy, right?

If you're feeling sad and depressed because you're grieving, allow yourself to truly FEEL those feelings, down to the tips of your toes, and then release them and move on to the feelings of love.

Feel peace in your heart and make use of the gifts your pet or your human loved one gave you.

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Bayleigh's Mummy
post Jan 22 2013, 06:49 PM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 7
Joined: 20-January 13
From: Eastbourne, East Sussex
Member No.: 7,886



QUOTE (LynnMiller @ Nov 12 2012, 08:36 AM) *
I just read your post. I know months later. I hope you get this. I just saw a picture of your dog. How precious and beautful. How painful it can be for us.

I just lost my Lucymae 4 weeks ago. Tell me, does the grief get better? I had to take down her picutres and I just put them back up. I still have her two sweaters and raincoat in the dresser. I can't look at them yet. I thought about taking them to the dog park and donating them or bringing them to the good will center for animals.

I still have her blankie she passed away on. I sleep with it. Yesterday I looked at it very closely and could see her little hairs on it. It broke my heart. I put my nose to the blankie and took in a big breath of air. I could smell her essence.

I miss her so much. I hope you are doing better.

Lynn


I have all my dogs pictures up and i have her coat and sweater and her moo toy i sleep with my her sweater and sniff it at night too its got her hairs on it and it still smells of her i also hug her moo toy every night and i have her collar hanging on my bedpost by my head, i thought i was going mad clearly not its wonderful that you still feel the need to smell your dog like me thank you so much Lynn you have given me some comfort in knowing im not alone much love and hope u feel better soon Emma xx
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missingmygranny
post May 27 2013, 06:26 PM
Post #14





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Beautiful words! thank you so much for sharing!
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breadandcircuses
post Jun 17 2013, 12:49 PM
Post #15





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Yikes! I put that first line into the google search and the results came back as the way to get back at an ex-boyfriend. Heck, I like your interpretation better. smile.gif
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Danashelchan
post Jul 9 2013, 01:36 PM
Post #16





Group: Pet Lovers
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From: Collingswood NJ
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Oh Rhapsody, your post answers all the questions I have today!

My Shelby had to be put to sleep 4 days ago, and I feel like an open wound, death warmed over, like there is a snake crawling inside me. Those are cliches because they describe those feelings well.

I have been wondering if it is ok for me to do things that will make me feel a little better. Just a little, as I am a long way from well.

Nothing fancy, good God. Just putting on some music and reading, watching a movie on TV, going to a store to look around . Every time I am home I look at where Shelby used to lie and I feel like stone. If I were to ask her this she would say "Mom you like music. why wouldn't you listen to it?"

I know Shelby is up in heaven running around with all her kitty friends, and I hope like crazy that she is happy.
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Alex Mercer
post Oct 26 2017, 06:27 PM
Post #17





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Joined: 25-October 17
Member No.: 9,122



"The only way I can get him back is to be happy, to feel peace in my heart, to live the way he showed me to live, and to make use of the gifts he gave me."

I really like this saying you've shared. It really touches my heart just by reading it.
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