(I originally wrote this as a response to the message that Helena posted about Pumpkin's passing)

Hi Helena, I feel terrible about your loss. I can relate.
I was just browsing through some sites on the loss of a pet, and came accross this one. I cried so much reading through all the messages posted in response to this sad.gif I feel like I need to tell what has happened, though its very, very difficult.
I was in absolute shock when I heard on the phone, just last Saturday (3 days ago), that one of my 2 cats, my beloved 5 year old kitty Angel, (brown w/black stripes) MAY have been run over right next to my mom's apartment building. My mother called me back 10-15 minutes later and confirmed. Yes. It was him. I was walking on a side-walk, and just, collapsed, right then and there, unable to get up, or say anything, I just cried. He wasn't an outdoor cat, he had gotten out of the window and was found in the play-ground area right next to the buliding. I burried him yesterday, (My mother and boyfriend were there too) and was in so much pain I couldn't even stand next to his grave even for 1 minute, I felt like I HAD to go, pain was unbearable.
What made things even worse, was that my mom said that it could have been a predator, fox or something, because of the nature of the wounds, and that he was not right next to the road. I am having absolutely nightmarish images af what COULD have happened. And feeling guilty for not telling my mom to NOT let him out at all (She occasionally had let him out a few times to relax in a bushy area, where he just enjoyed being for a couple of hours.)
I've had cats basically all my life, but NONE, of them, were as dear to me as Angel. He was (Have so much trouble saying "was"), my constant bed companion, he comforted me so much, lightly carressed my face with his claws (ouch), and gazed into my eyes, as if to tell me that he loved me dearly. I'm going to miss him terribly!! I often think he was/is an actual angel. I am still in shock. I still can't believe that he won't be coming home to my place with his sister Buffy. (yes, was in a "buffy the vampire phase" when they were born. Actually watched them being born, as the mother cat belongs to my mom)
I also feel very bad for her, Buffy, because she lost her brother and only companion. I 'm also feeling unable to physically go to my place, because everything reminds me of him. Everything. There's one thing that I can't forgive myself over. I've read many, many books about cats, and in several it has the listing of the top three killers of cats in the wild, 2 of which are the most likely causes of Angel's death: Traffic, and predators. I should have remembered (!) and never let it happen:( Feeling guilty. I just want him back. But I know thats not an option... and it tears me up inside.

I want to express my pain for everyone out there that is suffering the loss of a pet, I'm glad I found this place, its so good to talk about this.

Much sympathy to you all,
Anna

Hi Anna,

I completely understand what you're going through. When I saw Qorqui's body in the grass I managed to make it to her but couldn't even try to stand for nearly an hour while I cried and held her lifeless body. For days I felt like I'd rather it had been me than my sweet "baby puppy". I couldn't eat or sleep, I couldn't concentrate at work, all I could think of was that I'd never see my Qorqui on this earth again... and the guilt! I promised her I'd never let anything happn to her, and there she was, dead, hit by a car. It HAD to be my fault because I made a promise I didn't keep.

What you said about Angel actually being an Angel hits home pretty hard for me too. I hadn't thought about it before but it was Qorqui that made the bad stuff in my life tolerable. She always knew what to do no matter how I felt. She too must have been an actual Angel sent here to keep me from forgetting how to love.

There are several threads here where folks have reported their surviving cats behaving different after they lose a companion. Buffy may very well be greiving Angels loss as well. Try to spend more time with her and pay more attention to her than normal, she may need it. I've also read about some products on the market that can help cats through the tough days just after their loss. I'm not sure what it's called, but it's not really a medication, they don't eat it or anything like that. It's like a little thing that plugs in the wall outlet and helps them relax.

The first days are by far the worst. Your pain will start to ease up in time. Be patient. Don't forget to eat and sleep. they're the easiest things to let slide and they're so important in maintaining your strength to go on.

Come back here often. The people here are wonderful! I don't think I'd have made it through the last 5 months without them. Post whatever is on your mind, or just read through other posts. It all seems to help in the healing process.

Tim

It's called Feliway. It is a hormone that provides a calming effect on kitties. It is expensive, but it may help your Buffy.
Helena

Thank you so much Tim. The loss is absolutely devastating, to all of us, but I feel like its just a little bit easier to go on after having kind, understanding people tell me about their own tragic experiences. Its makes me feel like there ARE souls out there that can relate, and its comforting.
I hate it when people say that its "only a pet", or even if I just get that vibe from them when I say whats happened! Its a family member!! It feels as if I've actually lost my baby
You know.
I will comfort Buffy as much as I can, though its difficult because she's with my mom right now, and there's quite a physical distance between us! But, I'll go and spend time with her this weekend and give her plenty of attention. I know she's needing it.


-Anna