Healing Well

I don't think I'll ever 'get over' Soshi, and I don't really want to. She taught me how to love, truly love, another being without thinking of myself first.
I dreamt about her last night, and in my dream, I knew she had died, so I was fully aware that it was a wonderful thing that she was there. I have this type of dream often now, and I suspect it's Soshi's way of telling me she's now well. You see, she died a very sick kitty with lymphoma in her brain. She was also diabetic and dependent on insulin for the last 5 years of her life. So, in my dreams she's completely well. She lets me know this, and lets me pick her up and hold her. I miss this so much, that when I wake up from my dream I am just grateful I've gotten to hold her again.
I also know my Soshi was grateful to me the whole time she was here - she was a rescue, and I was able to give her a good life in her later years.
So, when she died I greived as I never have before. She was my best friend. I could tell her anything, and she never judged me! Though almost unbearably painful at first, the greif became easier, more gentle, I guess, with time. I was smiling more when I though of her instead of simply crying and then crying more.
Then I go into a pet store, don't ask me why, as I have no other pets, and there's George and Ringo.
I bring them home, wondering a little if Soshi will be jealous, but as soon as they get settled, I know she would like them. They are each like her in some ways, and not in many others. They are sweet, funny, and loving. I am blessed to be able to give them a home.
I've told them about their sis, Soshi, and shown them the box where she now sleeps. They have knocked down or gotten into everything sitting out, so I continue to be amazed that they respectfully walk around that box when they hop up on the dresser to look out the window or play or nap....do they know? Who can tell, but I can believe they do. She's still here, watching over us, keeping us in her heart, too.

Soshi's Memorial

My Soshi's memorial is now posted online, if you would like to visit:

http://WWW.in-memory-of-pets.com/personalt...te.php?ID=56551

There's a photo, too, of her sleeping in our laundry basket lid!
Love,
Brandy

Am I Ready?

My cat, Soshi, died two weeks ago tomorrow.
The day after she died, in an attempt to fill that void, I went online to find a new cat. I filled out an application for an aby rescue (Soshi was aby), and asked about a few cats they had available.
I got a reply that my app was accepted, but that was it.
Just today, an email came about an aby kitten in a high-kill shelter in Northern Cali (I live in the Southern part). I might call about him. I might go get him if he's still there.
There was a pic attatched to the email, and he's beautiful. And in a tiny cage, poor baby.
Am I ready, though?
Would Soshi be mad? Would she think I've forgotten her? I still miss her terribly - will that be fair to a new cat? Am I over-thinking this, as I've not yet even found out if that kitten is still available?
Does anyone have any insight on this, I'm sure someone must, because I'm a little confused...
Love,
Brandy

She's Coming Home

My vet just called as I was browsing this site to let me know Soshi's ashes have been returned. We'll go pick them up tomorrow. I'm sad, but glad at the same time that we get her back. She'll finally be home again.
I'm going to have a memorial service, light some candles and play some jazz (she loved Harry Connick, Jr.!). Then we can say goodbye.

So Sad

It's been a week today my Soshi died and I thought I'd come here and just read the topics but I can't stop crying.
I thought I was feeling better, but I'm not really.
I got a nice letter from the vet today sending condolences (she died at a specialty clinic, not at her regular vet), and that just set me off.
They really loved her there, and knew her, because she was diabetic so she was a frequent customer...only she died of lymphoma in her brain, not of the diabetes.
My husband is also out of town tonight, and this is the first night I've been without her that he's been gone.
She always kept me company and now my house is so empty and lifeless.
I want her back!
I keep thinking of things I would have done differently - like not getting that stupid MRI, because she never seemed to recover from the anesthesia, and we should have brought her home where she would have been more comfortable. When I went in to visit her once, she was lying on a blanket she had also peed on. God only knows how long she was like that. My poor kitty! I could have taken off work for a few days to take care of her and taken her to the vet when it was time to go...at least she would have been more comfortable and I would have never let her lie on a blanket covered in pee.
I feel horrible.