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> My Sweet Lab And Lymphoma Cancer
Ankababy
post Oct 7 2015, 12:09 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 6-October 15
Member No.: 8,713



I know what I should do but I am still holding onto my 12.5 year old lab. People say "you will know when it's time." I think I do but I don't. I know but I don't want to. Yes, someone should kick me. I'm not ready but I should. I can't keep showing up at work with swollen eyes from crying myself to sleep. So pathetic.

So this creature of mine that I love so very much is Anka. She was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer 4 weeks ago after we noticed heavy panting and lumps around her neck, shoulders and stomach. And then we received the dreaded news. I cried for days and haven't really stopped when I'm at home. I'm pretty sure she feels worst. Unable to breathe properly. We put her on steroid medication and she was back to her old self for 2 weeks. Unfortunately, the medicine is no longer effective. Her breathing is heavily labored, all the time especially when she is sleeping, stopped eating, lost weight, goes for short walks only and lately snorts/whimpers. She doesn't eat her food but eats cheese and treats.

I scheduled at home appointment to put her down this Saturday. It was a hard decision, I went back and forth on it for what seems like a million times. I can't and don't want her to suffer. But each time she seems like her old self, comes in for snuggles and eats her food, I feel hopeful again. Sadly there are more bad than good days. I'll miss you my dearest sweet Anka. Mommy loves you forever.

I need the courage to see this thru. I had no idea this would be so very hard.
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moon_beam
post Nov 1 2015, 11:44 AM
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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Anka's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your daughter are doing. How wonderful you will have a pendant necklace including some of your beloved Anka's ashes to wear. I will look forward to seeing a picture of it whenever you are able to share it with us.

There is a link on the home page to this forum for book resources on grieving, and you can also do an internet search by looking for books on grieving for children. I hope you are able to find a book or two that will help your daughter, and you, with your grief adjustment journeys.

One of the many difficult adjustments we find ourselves facing is "re-inventing" our daily routines that no longer require the physical care of our beloved companion - - fixing their meals, taking them for walks, playing with them, cuddling with them, taking them for veterinary check ups, - - and on and on. When we know that it was time to do something with / for them we find a huge void and ask ourselves "NOW what do I do?" And our hearts break anew because our beloved companion is no longer physically with us. Clinical professionals recognize that it is important for you, and your daughter, to take your time to grieve for your beloved Anka.

I can truly understand how you feel when you share with us "I don't even want to think about going thru the same loss again. It's so heart wrenching. But perhaps with time, I will change my mind." Embracing a new companion after a loss is a very individual and personal decision - - so please let me try to reassure you that you are NOT being selfish. It is better to wait until when / if you feel ready to embrace a new companion into your heart and home than to adopt a new companion only to come to find you feel you have made a horrible mistake and come to resent the little soul that is now totally dependent upon you for their physical and emotional well being. Some people never adopt another companion after a loss - - for various reasons - - and their decision is the "right one" for them. If at some point in time you find yourself ready to embrace a new companion, rest assured that your beloved Anka will be guiding your path to that moment in time when you see a furry face eagerly anticipating a Forever Home and you will know beyond all shadow of a doubt that he / she is the "right" companion for you - - that it is the "right time". Whatever decision you make, Anka's Mom, will be the "right one" for you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anka's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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