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Ann H
67 years old
Female
Location Unknown
Born Aug-1-1953
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My darling Snookie left this world Sunday December 26. 2004
just 6 weeks and 3 days after we lost Chili Bean Nov. 11. 2004
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Joined: 31-October 04
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Local Time: Nov 27 2020, 09:28 AM
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Ann H

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9 May 2005
To my dear friends that reached your hands and hearts out to me and my family in the darkest time of our lives, Clair and I wanted to say thank you all so much. You have all been so kind to me as we have found healing and the strength to walk this devastating journey that none of us wanted to walk but were forced into. I Also wanted to say good-bye and to tell you I will never forget any of you or your precious babies for as long as I live.

Take care and always be kind to each other. Reach out to as many as you can to give them hope and to let them know that someone out that cares and understands. As in the past continue to show compassion as your stretch your hand out to one another.

I will check in on you all from time to time to see how you are all doing. My husband Clair and I thank you all so much for being there for us, for helping us in our journey and making it a little easier to bear. You have been a blessing to us and we are forever thankful.

I too feel like it is time for me to take the next step and try to walk on in this life without my babies by my side. I can not stay here where my trust has been broken. I no longer feel safe to say what is on my mind without an attack being made on me and others. The words that was said to me on LS is just not acceptable to me when I posted my post titled Tears Soaked My Pillow it lead me to post a response titled My Answer To A Hurtful Post.. From there things just got worse. So I feel I can't post my feelings any more. It has been a long hard journey to live without my darling Snookie Cookie and my grandbaby Chili Bean.

I will always carry them in my heart and soul and will hold tight to the love they gave me throughout all the years. Now it is time for me to walk the path alone as I learn to live without my babies. I had rather walk alone than to be hurt on LS again. Maybe for me to keep reading and posting does not let the pain ease as much as it should. So I will stay away and see how it goes. I know I can always come back should I need to.

The tears do not come as often and the pain has lessened a lot for us. We are able to feel joy in other walks of our lives now. My whole family will miss our darling girls Snookie and Chili Bean, we will love them and hold them close to us until we are reunited in Heaven with them. Then as my dear friend Pamela said all that we have lost will be restored to us when the final chapter of our life has been written.
Love, Ann
3 May 2005
My little Chili Bean has been gone for almost 6 months. She had her 10th Birthday Nov. 5th and she left this world Nov. 11, 2004. This precious little Chihuahua was such a joy to the entire family. She thought she was one of the biggest dogs that ever walked the face of the earth.

Chili Bean enjoyed life with every breath she took she lived to make the family happy. She thought that family and friends were made just to pet, love and hold her. She would not take no for an answer and clawed at you if you took to long picking her up.

She would take many naps throughout the day and she would wake up with a content look upon her face, I have shown this picture before but I want to show it again. That smile on her face says it all. Chili Bean was just so precious and we miss her so much.
Ann
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2 May 2005
I am sorry that so much has gone on in the last few days. Were you able to read any of the post that were taken off from the site. There were some pretty nasty remaks made to the people, to me, and to my husband. I have copies of the posts that were made, none of them were pretty. One of them ended like this:

QUOTE
P.S.-Clair, there's a product called Hooked on Phonics, you might want to check it out...


Now that is not nice to say to someone, nor does it have anything to do with grieving.
Thanks, Ann
1 May 2005
I was asked here at LS
QUOTE
Ann, I hate to have to say this because I know you are a kind person, but what kind of nutcase takes pictures of their dead animal?!?!?
I have never been called nor has anyone ever implied that I was a nutcase in my entire life nor do I consider myself to be one. I knew that it would be the last time I would ever see the body that housed my darling girl in my grief I took the pictures.

It is my belief I was not being a nutcase for taking pictures and I know a lot of other people who took pictures of their deceased babies too. Perhaps some would say I was morbid for taking pictures but to imply I am a nut case is just plain hurtful and mean.

Then that person told me:
QUOTE
I am sorry to be so harsh but I have little tolerence for people who engage in self destructive behavior and then seek pity for it.


Well I was in no way seeking pity!! It is to bad when I bare my soul and voice my feelings that I had to have such a hurtful remarks made to me. I have been helped by so many others her at LS and I have come to love so many and their babies. Most people here are so tender with their replies to everyone. I thought this was a safe place to say what we really think and feel but this hurts me so much.

Most of my posts have been made in trying to comfort others, to give them hope of the pain getting better in time. To let them know that they will make it and to let them know someone really cares. I have tried to leave no one out, that does not sound like a person wanting pity to me.

I am have always considered myself a strong person who has lived through many things in my life. Maybe I am a little to proud of that strength, but it got me through many horrors in my life as a child that was abused and thrown away. I have never sought pity for anything I have been through. Instead I have tried to count my blessings in life. But now and then we all need encouragement at some point in our life.

I no longer feel safe to post my innermost thoughts here. This is a place where we should not have to guard our thoughts for fear of hurtful things being said to us. My heart is broken and shattered enough already without more daggers piercing it by such words that heap even more pain upon my heart. I don't know if I will continue to post here or not.

This statement was also made to me in that post:
QUOTE
Perhaps you will hate me for writing this, but believe it or not I am doing this to try to help you.


Well not to worry it did hurt me more than you will know, but my heart is not filled with hate that is not the kind of woman I am. I have sought my whole life through to be understanding, to be filled with compassion and considerate of other people's thoughs, ideas, and opinions. To be a forgiving woman who is tender and gentle with others.

There is a poem that I read when I was 17 years old. I have always tried to live my life by these words, and I want to leave it will all of you. Words spoken can never be taken back once they are said no matter how hurtful they are or even if you meant well in what you said. So we must always think carefully before we speak, we never know the pain our words might cause and the damage they might do.
Ann

The knife's sharp cut can be endured
it's ugly gash in time is cured.
But ugly words when they over flow
inflict a deep unhealing blow.
Author Unknown
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30 Apr 2005
Just when I think I am doing so well terrible waves of sadness have overtaken me. I have been awake crying most of the night from missing my girls. It hasn't been this bad for me in a while now. The night has been so long and lonely and some kind of empty feeling has washed over me and has ripped the scars off my heart again.

Ok if I want to be truthful I looked at all the pictures of my little Snookie while she was so sick and dying and some of her after she had passed away. I don't know why I do that to myself it just causes me more pain. I have been strong and stayed away from them since my one post confessing what I was doing.

I just feel so empty, broken, so lost, and in so much pain today. All of the wonderful memories have been going through my mind. It seems to hurt my heart even more when I think of the blessing I have had and all I have lost. I feel so weak in my spirit, my heart screams I can't go on, the pain is to bad. Yet I know for the family I have to go on but I am so weary.

I held my Snookie's urn and hugged and kissed it, and today I may go fling myself on Chili Bean's grave. I have tried so hard to let joy come back into my life but today it seems to have escaped me. My heart and soul and tears have given way to the pain and sorrow of missing my wonderful darling girls.
Ann
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