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AlexisMarie
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New Mexico
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Joined: 18-January 06
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Last Seen: 6th August 2011 - 05:31 PM
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AlexisMarie

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11 Aug 2010
Friday, August 6th..a day I will never forget..the day I said goodbye to my sweet Daisy. I was so alone, so scared. A couple days ago I read the posts for that day...I'm so touched that some of your thoughts and prayers were with me that day...Thank you so much. The last week with her was so hard. The clock became my worst enemy..days turned into hours that turned into minutes that turned into seconds. The last 24 hours became the last for everything. The last time we ate dinner together...our last sunset...the last time I watched you hunt for frogs in the evening...the last kiss you gave me before bedtime. I layed awake in the darkness and listened to her sleep through the night. And like clockwork she was up at 5:30 a.m. She stretched and came over to me to kiss me good morning..for the last time. I didnt want to start the day..our last day. We ate breakfast and went outside to watch our last sunrise. after a couple of hours I gave her a treat..her last one. After that she layed down for a nap. The house was so quiet, I just watched her nap. The clock seemed to be ticking so loud, I thought at 9:35 I will put my shoes on and take her for a ride...for the last time. Walking up to the vet's office was the longest walk. I stopped at the door picked her up and just stood there for a moment, knowing once I opened that door the world was going to come crashing down on me. I stood inside behind a wall infront of a small window. I held on to her to tight as I rocked her back and forth whispering in her ear that I loved her. They called her name...for the last time. I signed papers and took off her collar for the last time. I started crying, I kissed her...for the last time. I sat in my truck sobbing clutching her collar to my heart..when I was able, I drove home, layed on the floor where she was napping just minutes ago...and cried. It scared me at times...hearing myself cry out loud..I could hear the pain and heartache behind it. I cant believe she's gone. She's all around this house, her bowls, her bed, her toys, all the pictures.

One day I will be able to look at those pictures and smile and remember I what a wonderful and happy dog you were, and all the good times we shared. But until then. . . I will cry.

One day I will be able to go outside and remember all the things you liked to do, digging in the garden with me, looking up at me with dirt all over your face, so proud that you were helping mommy, all our sunrises and sunsets, watching you lay in the sun, playing with with the frogs at night. But for now I will stay inside. . . and I will cry.

One day I will go walking on the ditch. The same walk we used to take for years. I will . . . because that was your most favorite thing to do. It wont be for awhile because I've never been out there without you, and they will ask "where's Daisy?" Right now I dont have the heart to tell them you are not with me anymore. So for now I will stay home . . . and I will cry.

One day grandma and I will talk about you and laugh at all the silly things you used to do. You loved grandma. She will miss you on her laps. But until then . . . we will cry.

One day I will go camping again. It wont be the same without you. You loved to go fishing. Grandpa will miss his fish inspector. But for now the fish can wait. Maybe next year . . . and I will cry.

One day I will get used to coming in the front door and not be greeted by you and your wagging tail. Instead I will have to deal with the deafening sounds of silence, this will have to be the new norm for me. But for now . . .I will cry.

One day I will get used to waking up in the morning without your Daisy Kisses. I loved those, I will miss those the most. But until then . . . I will cry.

One day I will wake up in the morning and realize that I didnt cry myself to sleep. It is then, that I will know that the healing process has begun. God will heal the broken hearted. But until then . . . I will cry.

For the past 24 years I have been on Mommy Duty with you and KittyKat. You both had me on a schedule. Now I'm not quite sure what to do. I feel lost, lonely and confused. I will struggle for awhile until I find my own schedule. I believe that I was blessed with the one perfect cat and the one perfect dog. There could be no other, I will not be hearing the sounds of pitter patter paws in my house anymore. I couldn't possibly go through this pain again.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that you are in your new body, no more aches and pains. So you run along and go find KittyKat. She will be so happy to see you again. And when I come to the end of my journey here . . . I will cry . . . for the last time. Only these will be tears of joy because I get to see my two girls again.

I love you Daisy
My little bug-a-loo
I will never forget you

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3 Aug 2010
My sweet Daisy...I just read my post from 2006 when I lost my kitty Alexis...I remember looking over at you and thinking omg...I will be going through this pain again when its your turn. Well, its your turn. I went to the Dr. and made an appointment for you at the place you absolutely hate the most. Dont worry...it will be your last. You see...mommy had to make a choice today. whether to have surgery...or not. "Dogs have masses on their spleen all the time, we remove the spleen, we do it all the time, she'll be fine" they said. Well after being spayed, having knee surgery, just having bladder stones removed in Jan (and having stones again...when they checked the xray for them they found the mass) I decided this may be too much for your little 9 yr old Chihuahua body. As I stroked your hair from head to tail...I was amazed how much gray you have. Where did the time go? I guess its true what they say...time flies when your having fun. It set for this Friday at 10:00...and as each sunrise and sunset passes...and the day gets closer....I dont know where I will get the strength to take you and leave you there...never to bring you back home. It sickens me to no end. Even though I've been through this before with KittyKat....I had you next to me.. comforting me as I cried. You're such a good dog. But now I'm doing this for you...alone. Dont get scared when I'm crying....you saw me do it with KittyKat and now I'm doing it for you sweetheart. The thought of you going is breaking my heart into a million pieces. I will try to be strong...for you because thats what mommy's do. I love you so much!
17 Feb 2006
Because You Loved Me
by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was, loved by you

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you.....


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am

Because you loved me.........


Alexis Marie ......04/1986 - 01/16/2006


You had me at Meow....I Miss You....I Love You and Will Never Forget You....

Mommy
30 Jan 2006
It's been 2 weeks today since I said goodbye to my cat Alexis. I have cried every day. Now it seems like the anger is here.

I'm angry because every night for 20 years she was on my bed, now the million times I look .....she's not there.

I'm angry because every time I cry at work I have to say "oh, its my allergies acting up" and pretend like there's nothing wrong. I would never tell them the truth.

I'm angry because the few people that I have told are giving me those looks. All I want to tell them is "No, I don't want to go out, go eat, or go to the movies. I just want to stay home and cry." Why can't they understand? Do I really have to spell it out for them? Its only been 2 weeks. Leave me alone so I can grieve for Alexis. So I should be getting back to normal, it that it?

NORMAL?

Normal for me was putting fresh water and food for her every morning.

Normal was her sitting on the bed every morning and watch me get ready for work while I talked and sang to her.

Normal was her scheduled times she would come down the stairs to eat and use her litter box and hang out.

Normal was every single night of her life we would have our ritual of sitting in bed me letting her know what my day was like and asking her what her day was like. Brushing her long white hair and giving her butterfly kisses before we fell alseep. Then getting up in the morning and do it all again.

THIS WAS Normal For Me!

What I'm going through right now is not normal. I feel so many emotions right now it almost scares me. Why can't they just understand she was my family and I need to just cry, because that is what I want to do. I had to stand at the Vet's office and watch my baby breathe her last breath for crying out loud! I felt like someone grabbed my heart and just ripped it right out of my chest.

No, I don't want them to grieve with me, for me, or because of me.

I just want them to let me cry.......

Thank God for this site, I felt so alone when I was going through this. But reading the other stories has helped me to realize that I am not alone, and it is ok to cry for our pets - for as long as we need to.
18 Jan 2006
Had to put my 20 year old cat Alex (Alexis Marie) down on Monday, it was the worst decision I've ever had to make. About 3 years ago she started to loose alot of weight but that was it. Still jumping on the bed and everything (just recently bought her stairs for Xmas). But last weekend I noticed she wouldn't use them to get off the bed, then I realized she was loosing her vision. So I helped her out for a few days and she just kept drinking alot of water, she was very weak and slowing down very fast. It's so heartbreaking to see them that way. Here I was complaining about turning 40 and I guess we just forget that our pets are getting older right along with us. Finally this past weekend I decided to do it on Monday, I said my goodbyes all weekend long, told her I loved her so much and soon she will be getting her wings. She gave me 20 years of her life. The least I could do is step up to the plate and be the mommy that she expected of me and make the decision that she could not make herself. I miss her so much! I cry non-stop. It hurts so bad. Got her ashes back on Tues. and made a little shrine with pictures and a lock of her hair and her blankie that way my brain can catch up to whats going on. Never realized how much of her was part of my life until 24 hours went by and I noticed how much a have to "adjust" not do the little things anymore. But reading the stories has helped me, lots of sorrow out there because of our BIG pet parent hearts! So sorry.

Love you allie b&%^li, till we meet again!
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