Missing For A Week Now...., Cat lost in Maine woods/ predators, lost Options

[oceanpets]

My cat Toonces was out last Tuesday night July 24th and he usually only stayed really close to us. Very skittish, hated when i had parties or lots of company he didn' t know, he would hide on the basement step and watch the action. Once in awhile he would go outside at night and stay out. This worried me a lot. It was also a bother ( one I would love to have right now) for he would meow to be let in anxiously about 4or 5am, when his adventure was over. This time he never came back. I knew by 9am he was a goner, in my gut. But then we had landscapers come to the house and I had to deal with all that. Big machines, etc... ( which made me worry later that the noise frightenend him away, but really , now I think he would have run around the other side of the house, his usual side, and come to the back door like usual frantically. Plus I left it open as usual. It was safe for him to make his way back....) Anyhow, I have searched, called, cried a river, gasped in pain,...... and printed up flyers with his picture for neighbors, made some posters for the highway . We live down a long dirt driveway, with ocean and lots of woods near us. The road is far, there are many houses nearby but it's wooded between. I have looked thoroughly in outbuildings, basements, garages, etc...
( except for one basement of a neighbor I could check.....) and nothing has turned up. It's been a week now. I can't sleep good, feel the preoccupation all the time, my stomach isn't happy, and I dont' have much energy for my kids. Not for long stretches. Keeping up the efforts is hard. I did manage to get ads in my local papers placed, witha picture however. I will post the rest of my posters around town. It's hard though. It is painful to do!
I have found the websites enormously helpful, and reading the stories anbd sharing on this site have helped me alot. I talked to a pet detective ( in CT, closest to me, who can come up if I'd like tommorow, still unsure if it's worth it. ) I made contact with Hilary from calmpets.com a pet communicator, after reading about her on someone's post, and have an appointment today. I figured I have to try everything. I just don't know if I should bother with the extra help of having Marge come up with her dog to search or now, plus I want to know if I should try to resolve my pain or keep searching. It's killing me. We are supposed to go back south, ( school year residence) and I don't think I can go if I don't find Toonces. Also, I can't even begin to think about preparing for that seasonal move.
I would apprecitate any any all support. My baby is missing and it hurts so much. It is comforting knowing others feel the same. He was only 3, and my boys first really closely bonded to pet. We all loved him. Even my husband who claims not to like cats. He played a lot with Toonces. I will attach a picture if I can.

[oceanpets]

I put up more posters today. I am feeling very discouraged. I missed my appointment with Hilary the animal communicator. I hope this isn't a sign, or an indication that I am giving up hope. I still think I hear Toonces. I wish i was able to get a picture up, but my sizes are too big to post apparently.... help! If you could see how beautiful and sweet he is you'd know why this is so horrible. He would come into the shower with us ( big enough not to get in the spray) or sit outside waiting on the bath mat. He once fell asleep in a box! Sprawled out on his back. I have lots of pictures of him. I've just about given up. It's been a week now. The ad comes out tommorrow but..... maybe I need to let go. It's too hard, the searching. Not sure if I'll even bother with the lady who can find cats with her dog.

[LittleGirl's...]

Hi, I am so sorry for the agony you are experiencing!! I am praying right now that Toonces makes it back to you.

It is SO painful to be missing a pet. There is nothing like it.

Last year a friend of mine was missing his kitty for 11-12 days but the kitty turned up, alive but thinner, in a neighbor's garage. That was smart of you to check outbuildings etc.

Keep us posted, okay? I'll check this site often to look for updates.

I hope you are able to post his picture. I'm sure he's a very handsome boy.

I live in Maine too. Sending urgent prayers from this neck of the woods. "Talk" to you real soon.

Love,
Kathy

[Mink&WillowsMom]

Gosh I'm sorry for what you're going through... My Twitchit has been missing for a month now. (See "72 hours missing"and "Getting angry" on this thread, and "Missing, Now Gone" on Death and Dying thread.) I'm glad I consulted with Hilary. It gives me a scenario to cling to. It may not be the truth (though I suspect it is), but at the very least it lets me settle on one outcome instead of playing endless possibilities in my head.

I notice how quickly you've reverted to speaking of Toonces in past tense. I did the same thing. When I caught myself, I felt guilty, like I was bailing on him, or somehow sealing his fate. You said that first day you knew in your gut he was a goner. Trust that -- it stems from your connection with him. That said, having a missing animal leads to a split-minded way of existing: I think he's dead yet I put out flyers. I speak of him in past tense yet I take out an ad in the newspaper. Even though it's been a month, I still can't turn the back porch light off (it was my signal I was still awake and would let him in). I look out the sliding glass door a thousand times an evening. I can imagine him there so vividly, if he did show up I almost wouldn't be surprised. Stunned, thrilled, in shock, but not surprised. I can imagine it so clearly.

Shadow returned at six weeks, and Bennett returned at eight weeks. After their returns, hope flared in my belly. But it hurts too much, so I actively tried to quash it and let the flames die back down. The coals still smolder, but I'm trying to get to a philosophical place that it is what it is, and he'll either come back or he won't, and it's out of my hands. ....Such sad things, these missing pieces of our hearts..... ~Kimberly

[oceanpets]

Thank you for your kind words of support, both of you. I spoke with Hilary today. She said that Toonces has moved into the spirit world. He did not hear us calling for him. He is not frightened, or feeling anxious, (which would further indicate he is lost and scared to move out of a hiding spot, or locked in somewhere.) She said that he told her he was near a young tree with a Y in it, and down a hole with another dark animal.WE HAD BURIED ANOTHER KITTY ABOUT SIX YEARS AGO, A BLACK CAT, NAMED PRECIOUS. I think this is what she means. Not the groundhog hole that I keep going to, which is small, yet he was curious about. Could be though... at first I thought that, as I kept going there and thought, 'we must dig here'.... She said he told her he was within 100 yards of my house in this 'hole'. She did indicate that it might not be physically he would be found there, that he might have associated the hole with fear in some way, rather than whatever else it might be.... something like that. She said that he went quickly and this is as I thought it too. anyhow, she also said that he was in a sort of limbo and my impression is that it's because I have been wracked in pain. I feel relief actually now, like I can let go. I instinctively knew, as I've been through this before with two cats already (I should KNOW better, right?!) with them going to predators. My neighbors have too. WIth Toonces I thought that he was too timid to get away, he never wanted to. We live in a non predator area in FLorida most of the year, so I think I got complacent as well.... forgetting how dangerous it can be near the woods as I am. In any event, I feel that I must let go, and feel rather stupid now to have dangling signs on posts. No matter what I tried, my duct tape was not able to hold to a wooden pole and the thumbtacks were not strong enough. I guess I could use a strong staple gun.... I am not sure if I will take them down or fix them yet. My ads come out and that's fine. If there's a chance Hilary is wrong, and she said she isn't, nor is any pet communicator, 100% right all the time... so I suppose he could come barrelling in one day. One of my cats did survive a week out in my area, years before his demise. That one had nine lives. He survived a shed in Florida for two weeks in the summer, and also an ice storm up a large 100year old spruce tree in January! Toonces was not the same 'hardy' type though. HE was babied. He thought he was a baby. We held him like a baby. I can't belive I can say that and not cry. I cried a lot this past week. My son, who is 15, said he accepted it days ago. I think I will take Hilary's advice and make a nice collage and for us all to have a positive rememberance of him, to enable him to move forth. She said I could talk to him and say it was okay to go into the light, and that I might imagine him going to heaven with angel wings. Corny, but nice....
I don't remember what you said she told you about your kitty. Was she not definitive that he'd passed? Well, I feel okay right this minute but I have kept really busy. I need to have a moment alone with my grief to properly take the time to connect with Toonces. I do feel he could be close by, but not alive. I think I really knew that from the morning he was far too late coming back. I just wanted him. I coulnd't accept it. I think Hilary helped me in the way that I exactly expected, and I needed to hear it from someone that I might feel really knew.. that he is no longer alive. I will miss him a lot, and it wasn't much time, but we adored him and he will never be forgotten. I think he taught us all a great lesson. LIfe is to be savored. We've had a lot of death, friends, relatives, etc.. in the past years and they all have been experiences that made us closer to eachother and stronger, more able to appreciate life. This must be to teach us that and maybe more... My son wants to look at other cats. I think it's too soon. But we WILL be doing it, for we are a cat loving family. NO ONE will ever take Toonces place. No one was like Pepperoni, Sweet Pea, or Precious either. But we move on and keep letting the love flow. I can't imagine letting my heart go out again so heartily, and a piece of me never gave to Toonces what I gave to Pepperoni, or to Sweet Pea or Precious. They all had their own way. I think that is the lesson. I had put Toonces on a pedestal, like he was 'the best', but really, just writing that they all had their own part of me, their own beauty and gifts for us, I know that THAT is what I, and my children, can take from this. It will make us cherish each other. The first couple days, when I broke down on my 12 year old's chest and then he cried too, I said, as much as I loved Toonces, I loved him more. And I do. They are here, and thank god it's not one of them. It doesn't make the pain of losing an animal go away, but for people who lose their children, if they have them, or a spouse, the pain has to be 1000 times worse. On that note, I will go to bed and hug my husband. I kissed my kids tonight, for the first time in awhile. I haven't been able to get close to them. I pushed everyone away somewhat in my grief. I am sure others have felt this way. I will keep reading, and posting. I really hope for positive endings for others, but I feel that I have my answers. IN my case, and my t*itle indicated, I live in an area very much prone to this type of danger. I think I need to accept that. I too, haven't taken the bowl up, look out the french doors a lot, and I imagine I will, despite emotionally feeling I have the answer. My heart will still wish, and my body wilil still go through habits I've had for years. I think I will hear things that sound like his meow coming amidst the wind. I have since I was sitting here. When I drive down the driveway I think in the woods I may see him running. I thought that with my other cats. These woods have taken three of my beloved four kitties. One was a natural death and found in our basement. That is the black one, we buried hiim, near a cedar tree with a Y in it. I think Toonces wants to be memorialized with the others. That is what I think Hilary got from Toonces, that he is 'in a hole with another dark animal'. Who knows, but it's where we need to place a marker I think. Before we head south. I think I will stay intact with my family. I really needed to be out of limbo too, me and Toonces need that. When I am ready, I will tell him that. But I think he already feels it. Like God, without us really saying our intentions and our souls state, he knows. Toonces knows what I feel. He was so sweet. If I can put up a picture, like someone else did, near the text, you'll see it. Thank you ALL for posting. 'talk soon'. - Joani

[paris]

Hi Joanie.

Bennett's Mom here.

First of all, I understand 100% what you are going through. If you have read my and the other's posts, we understand the agony of losing a pet and not knowing what happened, or what to think.

A few practical questions:
1. How old is Toonces and what kind of cat is he?
2. How old was he when you got him?
3. Was he raised by his mother at all?
4. Was Toonces microchipped? Did he have collar ID?
5. How long has Toonces lived in this summer home?

I don't want to give false hope, but I honestly believe that cats are unpredictable and pretty good survivors. You said you babies him, but a cat is a cat is a cat! I understand it is easier in a way to believe he died, but I think you should keep your feelers open via lost/found ads and alerting the local vets and shelters, and maybe a few flyers in supermarkets or post offices.

I understand your suffering, and the deeper appreciation of what you have.

Paris.

[5catsmom]

Hi Joanie,
I'm conflicted also. I also went through the feeling that believing Shadow was dead was infinitely easier to think emotionally, and physically would have been a blessing since I have a lot of physical problems. If you have to leave soon, leave behind some information with someone you trust, or a shelter (I will never again mistrust shelters, because Shadow was turned into them and they recognized her from our description of her). If it is a comfort to believe Toonces (what a great name, by the way) is gone to the other side, then that may well be, but on the chance that he wasn't, well, there's a chance that he isn't.

Did you bring Toonces with you, or get him on vacation - in Maine, I believe you said? If so, and you plan to bring or get another kitty while you're on vacation again, I strongly recommend that you have him/her microchipped, if you didn't already. (It's late, and I don't read too closely when it's this late.) Microchipped pets have much better outcomes than ones who aren't, and indoor cats even better than that. I can feel how anguished you are, and your description of the anguish in your family, and I'm so very sorry for you all, not knowing. If there's one small way to prevent that anguish, to microchip and keep a cat inside, it's worth the anguish of losing a cat and never knowing the answers. I know, and I know it hurts, almost unbearably.

Please come back and let us know what happens. You and your family take care - Barb

[oceanpets]

Well, I just came back from the police station, they didn't have my cat Toonces, but they thought they did. I also got a call tonight around 7pm from a man who saw a gray/white cat meeting the description of Toonces which he saw in the paper. It is nice to realize people are trying, and responding to my ad,etc.... To answer some of the questions ( that I can remember without going back)
1. Toonces is 3. Not sure if he was raised by his mother or not.
2. We got him in Maine, this is not his first time in our summer home. He is used to it here.
3. No, he is not microchipped.
4. I did place flyers up where I could, the grocery store wouldn't let me, but the Post office would ( I am good pals with the post master,) and I don't have pics at the spca, humane, etc... but they have descriptions. They aren't really near me. I have placed ads in three papers, two in my town, one 30 miles away. I posted a lost cat poster on flourescent poster board at my local YMCA. I think it's pretty covered with the newspaper and these things.
I still feel that basically he is gone. I've been through this before in my area, personally and with many many others. There are known predators, so you keep your cats in at night. The trouble is, being cats, ( and yes, although we babied him, he will still BE a cat- one shot of hope...) so they do want to stay out occasionaly and test their 'cat savvy'.
This cat that we saw at the police station, well, first, and let me tell you, I could not even breathe on the way up. Thankfully my 15 year old son was awake ( reading he says!) heard the phone and me calling back and then walked into my bedroom where I was almost butt naked getting real clothes on. Scared the be jesus out of me- but then we shot up. The cat was lying on the counter, they had picked him up on Main Street. My son, ever the comic, said if we'd asked how he was acting, if say, he was hiding and meowing, then you might have our cat. This one was almost lounging. NOT Toonce. He wouldnt' go for that. I thought they'd have him in a carrier or something. But I was thankful that they called. However they didn't leave a message and thank GOD I have caller id. They didnt' leave a message on the cell phone either. I did direct people to that with my outgoing message.
I had almost thought about abandoning all the posters ( some are already falling down, and I can't bear to deal with it, others I believe public works has taken down due to eyesore status) and then telling the paper to not run the ad after this week, all since I spoke to Hilary, the pet communicator, who told me that TOonces had moved into the spirit world. I feel now that it's good that the info is out there, the 1% chance makes is sensible. The ads were expensive, but I can handle it, have wasted more money than that on less worthwhile things... but still, in my heart I think it's almost silly at this point. Again, this is based on my area he was lost in, deep woods. But, getting two calls in one day,.... does put me back on that roller coaster!
Thankfully my son WAS with me and I could breathe and had prepared myself by the time I pulled into the station to see the cat, hoping it was Toonces but trying to be realistic. It went fine. I figured it was the other gray cat the neighbor has near the place the guy who called me last night said he saw one. He swears that it was NOT that cat, but one more like the description of longer hair. This gray cat with white we saw at this nice ladies house looked so much like him, but almost like it'd been clipped short the hair, not wild and free and softy and silky like Toonces. I couldn't emphasize more to people that you'd almost certainly get it into your mouth. Just the description of it makes me think of it being in my mouth, you know that feeling? Spitting out long cat hair after you hold your cat?
I told a guy I went to high school with, a street over from this supposed siting, and a batch of kids on bicycles. He and his wife were so nice, they wrote down all my into and 'got it' about the hair in the mouth!
Well, that's my saga. I drove around the area, so the police calling got me out when I'd wanted to. That is hard, I had intentions so many days of searching methods and coulnd't implement them all, it was soooo hard.
I've had some tough emotional sideways deals come up for me due to this situation. The grief has brought up some abandonment issues, and then scrambling attempts to get them met. IT's hard, but I have it figured out at least.
I'm sure others know what I mean. When you lose that unconditional love of an animal, even thought they don't mean to leave you, if you've ever had that issue of loss, you know what I mean. It triggers that and makes a real mess of your life. So, I feel physically better and less actively wracked with pain, but it's still affecting me. Make no mistake. Now, I will be dealing with the roller coaster ride of calls and possible sitings, the follow up to the one today at least. This isnt' going to make it easier.
Also, everytime I am writing to you, I hear birds or something and I think that outside the door the cat is there meowing! I had to seriously look and turn on a light. Nothing. On it goes.........
I'll consider the microchip for the next kitty. I am actually maybe going car shopping tommorrow, ( had car trouble this week too- been using my stepdaughter/ my old Volvo which she abandoned as it was unreliable! THIS has added another strange element to my life. Old car from my early twenties I'm bombing about in. ) The car dealerships are an hour away and near the humane society where they have many kitties. If my son comes I know we'll be looking. I checked the airlines, and they only require them to be 8 weeks to travel. BUT, they never check. It still seems young at 8 weeks to me.... we'll see. My husband, who other than coming out a few minutes ago to see if we'd actually gotten Toonces, has said I can stay longer if I need to for whatever reason. I am not sure if I will. Tonight's episode made me rethink it, in favor of staying longer for searching... other than this gesture, taking the kids down south and starting school alone, he hasn't been totally supportive, in the ways that I feel I need emotionally.
That's why this site is so good. Not only can we say what we need to, but you can read other thoughts and know they GET IT. Hear them saying kind things and know it's really from a heartfelt place. I feel that others just dont want to, or can't get it, most of them. Even loving spouses. I"m disappointed. I say how I feel needy and alone as a result of this loss and I can barely get much of a reaction. That is hard. I am pretty wound up inside. I don't want to hang out at my home much.
I had a long, full day- my emotions were all over the place. This is the not boring part of life thats for sure, the learning about yourself part. I am certainly getting some good lessons on ME out of this.
Thanks for the kind words to all. I'll keep posting as things develop.

[oceanpets]

Police station called me again with another gray cat. Not mine. IT was a cutie though, and they jokingly said, ' do you want one'. I didn't have it in me to say put it back. They found it on Main Street. I don't know what they are doing with these cats, one last night, another tonight, but I can't deal with attaching myself to that emotionally. I hope that whoever owns them thinks to give a photo with thier number like I did. That's why I am getting all the calls. I appreciate it though. Who knows, it might be mine one of these times.
That's all for now. I am really not in a good space today. This is all stirred up again. I am in worse shape. I felt so good on Tuesday after talking to Hilary.
Now, the roller coaster continues......

[Mink&WillowsMom]

I felt so good on Tuesday after talking to Hilary. Now, the roller coaster continues......

Boy, do I understand that one. Hang in there...

It's now been 34 days since Twitchit left. I've resigned myself to him not coming back. I still look toward the back door a hundred times an evening, but it's as much wish as hope. I've decided I'll give him three months, and then I will hang an ornament for him. (Tinsica, Cheddar, and Mink all have green or blue glass garden ornaments hanging above their graves. I knew that when I move to my dad's house, I wouldn't want to disturb their headstones, so I bought them each a piece of glass art to bring over to the lake house.) ~Kimberly

[oceanpets]

Kimberly,
Thanks for the reply, which I know is as much for you as it was for me... I find myself coming here for support, the kind of understanding that no one else seems to get. It doesn't go away. I have things to do, yet feel aimless and bored almost. I want to run away. I have responsibilites and want none. I think we'll go see some other kitties as holding one at the police station that wasn't mine felt really good. I always thought it was callous and non feeling for people to get pets again right away, but this grief is SO BAD that I think it will really be better to have another animal to love. To care for. I feel like I can't care for Toonces and maybe caring for another will help. The kids said they'd like to. I will see.... lots to do and as I said, aimless. Driving around my town is okay but an hour ride to the humane society isn't one I am sure I"m up for. Plus I have guilt that I haven't sufficiently somehow searched enough, given enough pictures.... I spent a fortune on my display, on page 5 my mother said it looks great. I haven't seen it yet. I dont' usualy rush to get the paper and I am not sure I can handle seeing it like that.
I have felt things pulling me to avoid the pain, and it's really torture. THis out of touch but too in touch at the same time feeling... can you relate?

[oceanpets]

I have noticed that many have viewed, but not many replied. I wish more would respond. I could use the support. It's been just awful. LAst night I dreamt that Toonces came back, and then dreamed that it had to be wrong, but had more dreams that it was infact true. Then I really woke up. Mean trick, he's still gone. It hurts a lot.
Yesterday, my vets office called and left me a message saying that they had a woman who was taking care of a cat ( they don't take strays in, only injured cats) and that it met Toonces description. They left the number. I called, no answer. So I did a reverse 411 deal online, knowing it was in my town, and found the address. Small town, it was next door to my old best friend's house. This nice man answered, he was foreign, renting a room, and promplty told me that he had a short haired black and tan cat, not a gray/ white long haired. How wrong could they be! Anyway, he went up to the room where they were keeping the cat, and brought her down, what a sweetheart. I fell in love with this cat.
I told him that if they weren't able to keep him, and no one came forth, as they have put many feelers out, I would. I mean, I hate short haired cats, but this tortoise shell sweetie was so loving, it just felt like I could take her and love her to pieces. I feel badly that it might be someone's cat though.. but they have to go back to Europe, Slavakia or something he said, and can't take it. Heard at where they work, he and his girlfriend I think, at a motel, that someone had dropped it off in the parking lot. It might be wrong information, so I am not going to assume that's it and free to go, but if it is, I left my number and said in a week or so call me and I'd take her.
I'm still having a hard time with my husband not being very supportive emotionally. It's making it all the harder.
I could use to see some feedback. Tomorrow is my birthday. I wish Toonces was here.

[Mink&WillowsMom]

1. LAst night I dreamt that Toonces came back,
2. did a reverse 411 deal online,
3. I fell in love with this cat.
4. my husband not being very supportive emotionally.
5. Tomorrow is my birthday.

1. Odd, last night I dreamt my dad came back. Spirit world is doing a lot of visiting, isn't it?
2. Smart woman!
3. There are no coincidences. If you do adopt her, please run her to a vet's or shelter to have her scanned for a chip first. Sounds like she was happy to meet you too!

4. *sigh* I'm sorry. Even if he doesn't 'get it' about the cat, he could still be taking this opportunity to 'get it' about YOU. Guys want to fix things, make things right, and of course here he can't. Probably leaves him feeling helpless, so instead he just dismisses it, as a way to get distance from the helpless feeling. Even though, in a perfect world, you 'shouldn't have to,' have you asked him for the specific things that would make you feel better? (e.g. sympathetic noises, two hugs per day you don't have to ask for, listen for 3 minutes when you cry without saying anything to try to move you out of it, a quick understanding hand caress on the back when you pass by, telling you three things each day he loved about that cat, offered at completely random times without you having to prompt him, etc.) The more SPECIFIC you are about what he can DO, the more he'll have a sense of being EFFECTIVE in being supportive, and want to do more of what works. And do let him know when he nails it. "Thank you honey, that meant a lot. It helped." And reassure him that you *will* get through this, not stay in this phase forever. (Even if you can't imagine it, you know it's true.) It's probably scaring him a little to see you so torn up, especially if he is feeling helpless.

5.
"Happy birthday to you {it won't be the same},
Happy birthday to you {next year it won't be as bad}
Happy birthday dear Joani, {buy yourself a small memento for Toonces}
Happy birthday to youuuuuuuuu!"
~Kimberly

[oceanpets]

Thanks Mark and Willows mom. IT helped. I might ask specifically, but I DON"T WANT TO!!!!! I think we are waiting on the cat we saw. Brought my son to see it, it's sweet, but I am afraid that it really is someone's and I don' think I can give my heart knowing that, OR leave town with it! SO.... off to the Humane Society we go. We just looked at their site, and one kitty, named Nick, my younger son's name, is sooooo cute. If they have him and his personality seems to click with us we'll snatch him right up. I can't imagine a better gift for myself than to get a new kitty. I have a party at my house at 1pm so we'll shoot up really early. Stop at the places closer too, and give them a pic of my kitty, ( just incase- but I am not holding out hope at this point really... just hoping for miracles.) The Humane Society is where I got 3 of my 4 cats I've had, it's a nice place. Hour away though.... but it gives you time to get really excited about your new baby and to bond with it on the ride home. We have a carrier already and I just have to take Toonces scent out of it. There's a lot still of him around, and his spirit being the biggest.
Thanks for your birthday song.
- Joani

[paris]

Hi Oceanpets.

I have been away and have not been able to reply recently.

Your posts sound so familiar. I too used to have very vivid dreams of Bennett when he was gone. I didn't know what to make of them, but they seemed so real.

I too went to visit the shelter looking for my cat, and I was tempted to take one home to fill the emptiness. I decided not to, and I guess it was good in my case to wait because Bennett did come back and probably would have not been very welcoming to a new cat! I know a new cat would not have taken Bennett's place, but I so wanted to have a cat with me.

My husband was not very comforting either, and it would be very frustrating when I would try to talk to him about what was happening....of course, there are so many possibilities you try to logically work it out (If this, then that, etc.)

Joani, you have certainly done as much as possible, placing ads, visiting shelters, etc. Yes, there is always "one more ad" to place I suppose, but it is impossible to cover every base. As i suggested in an earlier post, you should at least have some basic coverage in shelters and classified lost/found ads, because cats do "show up" even after months.

The pain of not knowing is worse than having a concrete answer. It's interesting that you (and some other posters in other threads) have mentioned that you see a stray cat and wonder if that cat is someone else's lost cat! Maybe there is some sort of migration of cats ending up at someone else's home. So many cats (as oppposed to dogs) are cats that are adopted off the street as strays.

A lesson I learned and would advise, is to put collar/id on a cat. I stopped doing it and of course when Ben went missing I was kicking myself. Now Ben is wearing a collar/id and there is a spare in the drawer. I was too cheap before to keep paying the $15 for the collar/id as they do eventually get lost. This way, at least if someone sees a cat with a collar, they must know that this is someone's pet.

How have you been doing?

[5catsmom]

Happy Birthday Joani, I haven't been following the site recently or I'd have sent birthday greetings sooner. I had my own birthday recently and it seems like in some ways we're very alike.

First, I'm very sorry you haven't found Toonces yet. It does sound like the folks in the town you're staying in are trying to help, am I getting that right? They may be wrong about the actual animal, but it sounds like they're trying. And paris is right, it sounds like you've done a lot, and done so much more than many owners would do - the ads, the searching, the agonizing, it takes a lot of energy. I can understand the "out of touch but too in touch" - wow, do I get that. Some days when Shadow was gone, I just wanted to lie and do nothing, not think, not feel, not do anything. Just be empty. That breaks my heart for you, honey, cause that feeling still can still bring tears to my eyes.

Second, the husband issue. Mink&WillowsMom has it right, guys want to fix things, and some things can't be automatically fixed. In my case, I'm married to a military officer, and it makes him extremely frustrated and angry not to be able to fix something or have me let it go. And for me to hang onto something and to obsess on it - well, it didn't go over well. So many husbands don't understand the connection between women and their cats, I don't mean to generalize, but in my experience it's true. There are men who do get caught up in that cat love and don't admit it - several of our cats have wriggled their way into my hubby's heart and if something were to happen to them I know he'd be heartbroken - but it can't be predicted.

Please let us know how you're doing. Did you adopt the kitty, did your birthday wish come true? Please know we're thinking about you and Toonces and what's going on. Take care - Barb

[Sibilance7]

Hi Oceanpets. I have such sympathy for those of you whose cats have gone missing. I don't know what I would do in that situation. I wish I could offer some words of advice, but I have none. I hope you had a good birthday and that things work out with finding a new cat.

[oceanpets]

Thanks to you all for writing and for the birthday wishes, and that your thoughts and feelings are with me. It really helps knowing others get it, and sad pet owners makes it really great, strangers no less!
My birthday went okay. I think one of the highlights was when I got to feed my grandnephew baby food in the high chair! I miss doing that, as my kids are now 22,15, and 12. It was hard when I had to 'make a wish' as I really wanted Toonces to come back, and I figured that wish wasn't coming true... so I wished for something else, basically comfort from my husband. He then hugged me and joked, but uncanningly knew somehow, ( could it be the huge emotional wrangling we did earlier in the day?!) put out his arms and said, " your wish came true!" And as welcome as that was, I still wanted Toonces.
I think the reason I didn't wish for that is that I believe Hilary is right that he is gone. I figured as much in my gut on Day one. Yet, I wanted to believe after a few days, that maybe... just maybe... it might not be so. I couldn't really accept it and stop the searching, hoping, grieving, therefore more hoping.... but when it was time for my wish, I just couldn't ask. I wanted to though, but felt it was fruitless.
WE DID GET A CAT THOUGH. Long saga on that one! It is NOT the cat we saw, the 'wrong' cat that my vets sent me to search for. They seem pretty stupid about getting people's hopes up. When I told them how off they had been, basically gave them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they mixed up the info with another animal someone was holding... then just told them how painful it is when you get your hopes up, etc.... they didn't offer an apology EVER. Just explained and basically passed the buck, there are a lot of them in the office, but my gosh, this is an animal place, how about some feeling! Understanding what you're dealing with!
ANYWAY... not that cat.... A KITTY!
My son really wanted to get another cat. I had said we'd go... then a couple days went by... and so one day, the day after my birthday, we did go, and I figured I could hit with pictures and visually check as well, on the places a bit aways from my house, the SPCA, another small animal clinic... to boot! So that's what our mission was. Sad and maybe happy as well. Mixed.
The SPCA which is only open Tues - Sat decided THIS was the week they'd be closed. But the lady was nice, they were just down staff and someone needed a break, so not open for 'business' but she herself lost her cat 3 weeks prior so she felt for me. She remembered talking to me too. Gave a poster. No Toonces. They had kitties, but we couldnt' go in. So... down the road we went.
This place was happy to have my poster put up and let me look at the older cats in the back, and I asked the staff if any had come in within the past two weeks.. no.... and they also had kittens. 3. Two 6 week old typical roudy ones, and one older 9 or 10 week ish black short haired mellow cat. We took to this one. I thought, 1) husband would like short hair for a change 2) never had all black 3) not as young to deal with in all aspects 4) not too young for travel to Florida in a week ish... so we held him 6) we wanted a male again... and he curled right up in our arms and it felt really good.... so we said YES. And my son paid the $30 for him, as my birthday present.
WELL... here is the real saga. We got an ear mite infested, flea infested, roundworm filled, feverish kitty! I noticed the first two right away, and gave him a bath. I bathed all my kitties and rather well, but he freaked out partway through the flea bath and bit me really hard. So.... I am on antibiotics. My vets suggested that, as the needle sharp teeth sink in and they did, blood everywhere, and it's easy to get infected and not a cool thing on a joint..... AND it turned out he had a fever the next day of 105 when I brought him in an overall checkup, for nail clipping ( which we usually do, but after the awful bath forget it this first time) and ear mite whatever they &&. I must have used 50 cotton swabs and so did they.... they did blood work, nothing showed up... so they thought that we should check the temp in the morning, he might just be riled up, etc... but it was ony 104 in the morning, so we put HIM on antibiotics. And a worm pill. This is all fine, but when I go to my doctor appt. later they ask the ever popular, " Do you know where this cat came from? " question... worried about Rabies... I say, it's from a clinic, and probably a stray/feral, and too little for Rabies vacc.... so we get a bit concerned I should go to ER for the beginning of the Round of shots.....
Sidebar: I had forgotten about my Mammogram, which was scheduled for this very day, after vet, and 30 min prior to MD appt.... saw a scrap of paper I'd written it down on, was on time, but once in the johnny they ask the ever popular question " Is it possible you could be pregnant?" and to this I have to honestly answer, " It could be... but I don't think so.." as I am not on the pill anymore and no one thinks you can keep track otherwise of avoiding pregnancy. We have for over a year now.... anyway... no mammogram...
So I was on time for the cat bite appt. Back to that... I am a bit freaked, shot in the butt and arm is the first day, then a few days later, week later.... etc.... and I get reactions from tetanus shots! Luckily I had that in the spring. Lump for 6 weeks, aches, muscle fatigue..... LOADS OF FUN... so I am not liking this prospect of Rabies series.... incase the new kitty to heal my heart is going to possibly kill me unknowingly....!
I ask my Dr. can they give me more info as my computer is acting up, of course! My life is a shambles! They print out some helpful stuff. I go home and call the small animal clinic, where I got the kitty. NO HELP. " Oh, we'd never adopt out a cat that wasn't well". " We don't know anything about the cat".... upon pressing they figure out the town it came from, had it a week, thought it was 'just like the others, fine' and completely unconcerned that it had a fever, ear mites, fleas, worms, and possibly Rabies! Completely unconcerned, and almost annoyed that I care myself! I guess no one goes to this place, who knew?!
So..... I gather my thoughts and read over again all 7 pages and decide that we wait and see, as we don't have any reason to really suspect Rabies based on behavior. The bite was provoked and he's sick, but otherwise acts healthy in responses and blood work is normal, and if not for the bite, we'd never even be considering this, good point on my vets part. THough, they and MD are extra cautious to tell me that we shouldn't downplay it , and that I should basically quarantine him for 10 days... which is the thing to do if you have the animal which bit you, you observe for 10 days.... they said better not to have him in son's room He's 15, the cat is loving him, husband wont' have him in our room, my son is almost adult size in weight, he's staying I decide. He's fine with that....
We all commece to take our meds and this is Thursday, and by the next day we notice him perking up and by Saturday he's jumping around! He is still a cuddly sweetheart, but now he is running and seems totally normal. I am so happy we saved him! My mother thinks it was great that we got him when we did, as he was declining in that place and they might never have noticed!
So.... long saga I know.... Point is, I still cry about Toonces and hold a dim light out for him, but the new kitty to love does help. I don't cry as much, I can function at almost 90 percent, vs. 40 before I think. We named him Jax. He's all black, part siamese we think. He has 6 claws on his front paws! He has thumbs! Hello inbreeding!!! But it's cute and we love him no matter what his background. We are happy to have found each other.
My daughter came home for a visit and had video footage of Toonces and it was from 2 or 3 Christmas' ago. It was great. I didn't cry! I think seeing him actually
'live' on tape helped. The idea of him, the wanting, the not having, the thought of the last day not holding him, that was hard. When I saw how much we adored him and loved him, it's like my 'memorial' was to him that I typed. I realized we coulnd't have squeezed in more love in that short a time. He was adored and there's nothing we can do now but remember and love. If he ever wanders home, and I really think Hilary and my gut and the history of my area proves he isn't, but if he does- what a happy day that will be. But in the meantime, we have HAD to move on, and give our hearts and our time and attentions to another kitty. We needed that role, and even my seemingly cold hearted husband ( who it turned out had just shut down emotionaly cause I'd gotten so angry with him in the first week over not searching at 4 am with me) he has also seemed to be more normal now... I am not certain he likes having to shut doors and be 'careful' ( bone of contention) but he sees that we need cats to love, that it has made it better for me. Not take it away, but he sees it. Having that cat to hold on my chest and stroke for 45 minutes while he gets more and more relaxed and rests his chin on my arm, that's heaven. I never had a cat so cuddly for so long, maybe Pepperoni, my first one. I am relishing it. I think we'll get a collar soon and order the tag and keep him inside! It's hard, but I might this time pull it off.....
Thanks for everything! I will keep checking the post and others. I hope and pray for all to find peace, however they do. If Toonces comes home, YOU'LL be the first to know!!! I might scream so loud and cry with joy you'll hear me wherever you live first. But until then, and if it never happens, I will stay in touch. Best of luck.
Joan

[paris]

Hey Joan.

Wow, what a story! I think it is highly highly unlikely that the kitten has rabies. I thought the vet could tell via a blood test of the animal?? At any rate, it is a serious disease, deadly.

I'm glad your kitten is doing well. Worms and mites are minor problems and you have attended to that. I agree, he was not getting the best of care at this shelter and he is very lucky to have found you. He sounds very cuddly! My cat, Bennett, is short-haired and he's gorgeous (I guess easier to brush and take care of the fur too!)

You sound like you are dealing well with Toonces' missing, and that you have done everything you could to find him. The hardest part is not knowing how to feel when your pet is missing and you don't know for sure. I am glad you have found some peace, and happiness with the new kitty.

[Mink&WillowsMom]

Oh I LOVE black kitties! The black, and tuxedo males are, IMHO, the most cuddly and loyal of the bunch. They bond so deeply and are so affectionate. This is the first time in my life I don't have one. Oh Jax will be a joy for your family! I agree, mites and worms are no big deal once treated. You might elect to have him tested for feline leukemia, then get him vaccinated against it with his baby shots. If he has it, it won't show up until he's ~12-18 months old (loosely), but knowing he has a clean bill of health will be great piece of mind. Pictures! We want pictures! ~Kimberly