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> Lost Our Little Guy
LilArgie
post Oct 28 2010, 05:22 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 3
Joined: 28-October 10
Member No.: 6,858



Its been just over three weeks that it has taken me to write this down. My husband and I are devastated. We had our toy poodle "baby" Silver for a little over 11 years. He was 13 years and 4 months old.

He was only 2 years old when we got him a few years after getting married and he became our "baby" when most couples begin to start families. He filled that void for us. He acts like a baby and we definitely treated him as such - he deserved it. My husband and I tried unsuccessfully for over a year to get pregnant before beginning fertility treatments and finally getting pregnant in March. We always jokingly said that Silver was always going to stick around to make sure that we were having a baby and we were okay.

In late spring this year he developed a hacking cough. It sounded like a cat trying to cough a fur ball up - it would end in a dry wretch and he'd be fine. It seemed to happen mostly when he was picked up or put down. Nothing else changed for him - he was eating fine, running around the park every night as if he was still a puppy. Most people were convinced that he still was a puppy. We surmised that he had collapsing trachea as it is known to happen with his breed, and I had heard it in other dogs. At his physical in July, we brought this up with our vet and she offered us x-rays as well as bloodwork. She told us an x-ray to determine collapsed trachea was a 50/50 shot as it was something that the trachea had to be in a collapsed state at the time to pick up. We did both the bloodwork and xrays. She listened to his heart and detected no murmur, but she was concerned that his xrays showed a lot of lung activity. She was concerned about either pneumonia or congestive heart failure. Some of his blood levels were also pretty off (thyroid/liver) but she said those could also be thrown off if he was suffering from something else. She wanted us to see a cardio specialist for an echo-cardiogram to rule out heart disease, and in the meantime began a course of antibiotics in case it was pneumonia. That week we saw the specialist for the echocardiogram. He confirmed that there was indeed collapsing trachea, although not too severe. He said his heart was in good condition, there was no fluid in the lungs or pneumonia but he diagnosed him as having "some degree of pulmonary hypertension." His recommendation was to continue with antibiotics and from there possibly start a steroid such as Prednisone. The vet had us run two courses of antibiotics which, in the beginning, seemed to help a bit.

Looking back there had been signs of him slowing down - he didn't want to walk as much, his breathing was heavier, he wasn't acting his usual self in ways around the house. However, we had the hottest summer on record, so not wanting to walk around in the heat wasn't really suspicious.

After two rounds of antibiotics, we began Prednisone in early September. He was on that for about a week or two, but with little relief from it, the vet said we should wean him off of it, which we did. He was really losing energy though. On Saturday, 9/25, he went to the groomer and she told us that he didn't even want to sit up. He had no energy. We took him home and decided to rest him all weekend with us at home at all times and to take him to the vet first thing Monday a.m.

Monday at 3:30 a.m. we got up and my husband took him outside to let him pee. When he brought him back in the house and put him on the sofa, he completely collapsed. His front arms outstretched and he collapsed to the side. My husband grabbed him thinking he had died and we rushed into the car and headed to the 24-hour animal emergency hospital. As soon as we got in the car I had noticed he peed on my husband, and I thought for sure that was a sign he was gone. He began barking though and was coming to halfway there. When we got there you would have almost thought nothing had happened. They checked his coloring and oxygen and said it was good. They took more xrays and again said his lungs were very busy and they suspected pulmonary fibrosis (scarring). They confirmed no pneumonia or fluid. They said he was fine to go home until morning, but with us being nervous they agreed to keep him in a cage with oxygen until we could take him to his vet at 8 a.m. We kept him there and at 8 a.m. left with a recommendation that we should see our regular vet and a general internist. We brought him to our vet who talked to us and scheduled us an appointment with an internist at Angel Memorial Hospital in Boston (one of the best). They reviewed his xrays, echocardiogram, took his blood pressure, etc. Their recommendation was for another echocardiogram to determine the extent of the pulmonary hypertension. We headed back to our cardio specialist.

He performed another echocardiogram and determined that the pulmonary hypertension was now severe (86mmHg) and he had mitral valve regurgitation of high velocity - he also confirmed scarring of the lungs. Unfortunately, when PH becomes this severe, the only treatment is Sildenafil (Viagra) and it only treats the symptoms in the hope of subsiding them to make the dog more comfortable. It helps in about 60% of cases I am told. My research has shown me that even if it helps to subside the symptoms, the outlook is only a few months. We began the medication that evening.

His breathing seemed to get better, but his energy just was not there. On that Wednesday we believe he had another collapse (syncope). We were also told that with every episode oxygen to the brain is lost and can lead to brain damage. Friday night he had yet another episode. My husband and I stayed home with him all weekend. I think at this point we knew the end was near and he was one of the 40% that the medication was not even subsiding the symptoms. That Saturday happened to be "Blessing of the Animals" weekend and we took him to be blessed. Other than that, he would not get up off the sofa. He wouldn't eat and was taking only water if you put it to him. On Sunday morning he had another collapse. Each time we wondering if he was coming out of it okay. Sunday evening he took another and we then called the 24-hour emergency to arrange to have him put to sleep sad.gif We brought him there and just could not do it. We left. This was the hardest decision for us, even though we knew the quality of life was not there and we wondered how much he was suffering and was effects these episodes were having on him and his brain.

On Monday morning, 10/4, we woke up at about 7:30 waiting for the cardio specialist to open at 8 so we could call and also our vet. At that point, Silver had another episode sad.gif After this one he just sat at the edge of the sofa rocking back and forth. It was heartbreaking. At 8 a.m. I called the cardio specialist and he reviewed everything and told me that with the #s and severity of the PH, unfortunately the medication did not help and he was not surprised we found ourselves in this situation. He told me that there was nothing more he could offer and that it was really unfair to keep putting him through this. We knew this but just couldn't let go. I called our regular vet and she said the same, so we made an 11 a.m. appointment. When we got there, I went inside so that my husband and Silver would not have to wait in the lobby for the vet to be ready. When I got back out to the car, Silver was having another collapse. This time it seemed he wasn't coming out of it. We prayed that God would just take him and he would be at peace. We sat in the car for what was probably a few minutes and then brought him right in. He was still out of it.

My husband and I were with him in the end, which I feel was the best thing. I never wanted him to die alone, and I certainly didn't want him to endure any pain or suffering. The vet said he was just about gone on his own and he went right down peacefully. We stayed with him for maybe 10-15 minutes and said goodbye (as we had all weekend as well).

We are still both devastated. I think the fact that our baby is coming in less than a month is making this time even more confusing. I wonder if anyone else has experienced such a loss and then good news to come almost at the same time. Its hard. We got Silver's ashes back and he is home, which brings some peace. We have it in a curio cabinet in our living room along with a few pictures of him and his Pedigree in there as well. The church that did his blessing before he passed away also has a service every 3rd Sunday of the month where parishioners can bring their pets, and they had a service on the 17th where they mentioned Silver's name.

I later learned that the day Silver passed away 10/4 is World Animal Day - the Feast of Saint Francis. That must mean something in this awful mess.

Thanks for listening. Not many people understand. I was wondering if anyone had any experience with pulmonary hypertension or lung diseases?
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kajoorsmom
post Oct 29 2010, 01:31 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 50
Joined: 11-June 10
Member No.: 6,531



I do not have much experience with any of this in animals, but I do in humans being a doctor-in-training. I can tell you that what you did for him was the best thing. He didn't suffer long, and he had his family with him until the end, which is beautiful. The next few months will be difficult, but you will continue to love his memories. Just take care of yourselves and I wish you a safe delivery.
~rachna
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Cheryl83
post Oct 29 2010, 07:36 AM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 655
Joined: 24-May 10
From: Liverpool, UK
Member No.: 6,508



I'm so sorry for the tragic loss of your baby, Silver.

My boyfriend's family has a toy poodle, and he often experiences the "hacking cough" you described. They took him to the vet who examined him but didn't really do any extensive tests, and the vet seemed unable to offer any insight of the cause. After reading your story, I will now suggest that they take him back for tests.

I cannot offer any insight, but I can offer you my deepest condolences. Losing a beloved furbaby is one of the hardest things we can go through. Just know that you are not alone. We are all here for you, offering you a cyber ear, through your painful grief journey.

Take care of yourself,
Cheryl x


--------------------
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone,
For parts of us went with you ... the day God called you home


My beautiful Angel, Daisy - I will love and miss you forever xx
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wchamilton
post Oct 29 2010, 07:56 AM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 156
Joined: 12-July 07
From: Upstate NY
Member No.: 3,255



I am so sorry for your loss... Silver sounds like he was an awesome little guy.

You have him an incredible life and he died surrounded by his family. We should all be so lucky to pass on like that.

The next few months, I imagine, are going to be difficult; you have the grief of Silver's passing coupled with the excitement and joy of your new baby all rolling over you at once. That's alot of strong, conflicting emotions coming at you all at once.

Just make sure you take care of yourself; when my Winston died in July for the first week after his passing I could barely bring myself to eat but you don't have that luxury, as you're eating for two. Make sure to rest, eat, cry if you need to, scream if you need to... whatever it takes.

I'm so sorry for loss... please let us know how you're doing and when you feel ready we'd all love to see pictures of Silver.
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LilArgie
post Oct 29 2010, 08:02 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 3
Joined: 28-October 10
Member No.: 6,858



Thanks for the kind words. Here's a good photo of my boy ..

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wchamilton
post Oct 29 2010, 09:13 AM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 156
Joined: 12-July 07
From: Upstate NY
Member No.: 3,255



I love that shirt and sweater he's wearing!

He's a gorgeous little boy... looks very happy and well-loved.
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Flossie's Mom
post Oct 29 2010, 09:32 AM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 383
Joined: 31-October 08
From: Raleigh, NC & Hazen, ND
Member No.: 5,211



I totally understand.... Poodles are so special! He is a darling boy. I lost my 17-1/2 year old Poodle Flossie 2 years ago tomorrow. I still miss her terribly.

It is so very hard but try to remember all the good times and special things about Silver instead of the tough times he had. We've all been there and it takes different amounts of time for each of us. They are always in our hearts.

Thinking of you and your precious Silver
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janika
post Oct 29 2010, 09:51 AM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,071
Joined: 12-September 09
From: UK
Member No.: 6,120



I am so sorry for the loss of your darling boy Silver. The photo is so lovely, thankyou for posting it for us to see him. What a very special and much loved fur baby he is.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You did everything possible and knew when it was time to release him from any more suffering. I'm so glad that you managed to be with him. He will be watching over you and staying close to you in this exciting phase in your life, with the birth of your baby. He will want you to be happy . I know that's hard when we miss their physical presence so much, but I'm certain that our fur babies never leave us. They remain a part of our heart and soul for all eternity.

I send a big Hug and wish you all the best for the birth of your precious baby.

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
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moon_beam
post Oct 29 2010, 02:34 PM
Post #9


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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, LilArgie, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Silver. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can be healed and restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Unfortunately our beloved companions' physical bodies are subject to the same illnesses that can affect our bodies. The challenge is that their bodies are so much smaller than ours, even the big Great Danes and Newfies, that when an illness does occur it doesn't take much time for it to take its toll. You did the very best for your precious Silver at all times and in all circumstances with the best information you had the time, and your precious Silver knows this.

It is hard losing the physical presence of your precious Silver while anticipating the arrival of your baby. Rest assured that your precious Silver's sweet Living Spirit is still with you and will be watching over you and your precious baby. You can tell your baby all about Silver, too. The bond of love you shared with Silver during his earthly journey with you is eternal - - it is not bound to the physical laws of time and space. He is forever a part of your heart and memories - - not even the dimming of the mind from age can take this gift of love you share with Silver away from you.

LilArgie, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity, but it is a journey you do not have to travel alone. I thank you so much for sharing your precious Silver with us - - what a precious boy he is in his sweater. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, LilArgie, and we would so enjoy sharing more of your memories of your precious Silver if you would like to.

LilArgie, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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