I haven't been here in some time. I have been busy with so many things.
I cannot possibly explain everything that happened right now, as I am not up to it.
I have only had 2 dogs in my life, both of them came to live with us in 1996, about 6 months apart from each other. The first dog we got was the daughter of the second dog we got later that year.
Over the weekend, our Mama dog fell ill with some urinary problems and had to be taken to the vet for urine samples, blood work etc. I had to leave her overnight, which is always hard.
When I called to pick her up yesterday, they told me they were putting her on an antibiotic and some pain medicine for a week, and then to bring her back for re-evaluation.
Happily, I raced to the vet to get her. She was listless and lethargic, and totally unresponsive to seeing me. It took a lot to get her to stand and walk out to the car.
Once we were outside, she collapsed next to the car, started to shake and would whine when I tried to get her into the vehicle. She just continued to lay in an empty parking space which was wet from rain, and of course, with whatever leaks from people's vehicles. I couldn't even leave her to go get the Vet, because someone could have ran her over trying to park.
Another client who saw what was happening went to get the vet while we waited out in the lot. Her breathing was shallow and labored. When the vet came out, she told me that our Coco had inoperable tumors in her mammaries, and they would eventually spread to her lungs, and she had a few external tumors that were good candidates for removal once she finished the medication she had prescribed. However, once the vet saw how she was, and the fact that seeing me didn't improve her att*itude, maybe it was best to put her down. After assistance carrying her back into the office, she went very fast, almost like she didn't have much time anyway.
My hubby wanted to go with me if we had to put her down, but I thought I was just going to pick her up, so he is having a very tough time with the fact that he wasn't there. On the other hand, he's blessed that he didn't see those final images I had to see. We spent a few hours ,during some tough storms, digging through tough soil to bury her. We are all heartbroken! Me, my Hubby, our 3 cats, and her daughter, Sage.
I feel totally numb. I have lost cats, mice and people, but never a dog. Now, I have lost 21 souls from my life in 3 years.
I also have to start a new job on Friday working with children over the summer, and I don't know how I'm going to cope. I have been a homemaker for the last 11 years, so I am used to being here with my fur babies, and having time to grieve their losses, now I have 2 days.
I know time helps to ease the heartbreak, but I don't have any time now.
Thanks for reading, the tears are streaming, and I can't see anymore.
Going for now,
Michelle

Coco is on the right of this pic. Her daughter, Sage, is to the left.

I understand your pain. I felt that remorse a few short months ago. I am very sorry for your loss. It must have been like the biggest emotional roller coaster on earth. You race to the vet to pick up your now diagnosed furbaby and the news appears good, only to get there and the worst possible scenario confronts you as a pet gaurdian. That is exactly what happened to my Abigail. We took her to the vet to get her better, instead we came home without her, shattered. I know to well the extreme sadness you are feeling right now. My thoughts are with you.

Michelle

I don't know what to say other than I'm so very very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine dealing with all the loss you have suffered in such a short time recently.

Hugs

Paula

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so sorry, Michelle, I know how you feel. It's going to be so hard to not have Coco with you physically. You lost a best friend and family member and there will be times that you are not sure if you can go on....but you must. It will take awhile but things will begin to get better. Of course things will never be the same but that is normal, just know that this devastation you are feeling is familliar to all of us and we are here for you to see you through it. We do understand what you are feeling.

One thought I had that someday you may be able to look at as a plus is that you were there with Coco during her final moments. I'm sure she was comforted by that, and may very well be the reason she hung on to life until you got there.

I believe that someday you will see her again and know she is okay.

Take care
John B

Dear Michelle,

I am so sorry you lost your sweet, beautiful Coco. I know this hurts so much....it was so sudden, you had no time to prepare yourself for this. Please give yourself time to deal with your loss. I wish you the best with your new job, I know the timing seems awful but maybe this will be a blessing for you......maybe those kids you will be working with will make you crack a smile here & there, in spite of losing Coco. But the healing process will take time. Please know that we are with you & thinking of you. Anytime you want to talk, we're here for you.

My best thoughts & prayers to you.

Kim

Michelle,

Coco was blessed to have you during these years. It is truly a sad thing that our furkids' lives are so brief. I am sorry for your having to say goodbye. One day you will meet Coco again.

Michelle,
I'm so sorry to learn of the loss of Coco. I am about to observe the 1st anniversary of my CoCo"s crossing the Bridge. I hope they have met and are watching for us.

Michelle.
I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your Coco so suddenly and I am sure you feel shell shocked at the moment.
We all feel your pain at this time and truly understand how much you loved Coco.
You have had more than your share of pain these last few years so I hope some good times are coming your way.
Take care of yourself, Cleo 1

I am still in shock and have been busy getting ready to start work tomorrow, but I wanted to give a quick reply to you all.
Thank you for your kind words and understanding, I know I can always come here for help during my grief because of people like you all.
I will reply again, as I can feel the shock fading and the tears coming hard and strong, but for now, it is surreal and a nightmare. It is especially tough that I won't be home with my dog Sage during work, and I love being home with my family. Another tough thing to deal with in addition to Coco's loss and a new job.
I pray that during the times I am home, they will feel my shower of love and kisses and know that I miss them when I am working. They are the reason I want to come home.

Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle