Our beloved Scarlett passed away this Thursday, July 11, 2013. The heartbreak is unbearable. We are grief stricken and guilt ridden. She had be dealing with recurring UTI's since the Fall - we would go to the vet - the vet prescribed antibiotics and she'd be clear of the UTI only to have another. This kept happening so we (my husband and I) brought our little Scarlett to a holistic Vet to try to get to the bottom of the UTI's once and for all. Scarlett was again put on a round of Antibotics - my husband brought her into the Vet and I told him to hold off on getting her tested - her history had always been that the test would come back clear and then she'd have another UTI a week later. Scarlett began getting lethargic. We had her on a number of Vitamin supplements and fresh dog food that she just absolutely loved. We brought her back to the vet and asked about her lethargy the vet said she may not be getting the right about of carbs. The owner of the place where we got her fresh food recommended that we add a digestive enzyme to her diet and nutritional powder. That night at her dinner I gave her both - when we went to bed she coughed like she had something stuck in her throat - I massaged her throat and my husband took her downstairs to stay with him on the couch. He said her breathing would be ok when he held her on his chest but not regular when she laid by herself. The next morning she was fine except for the fact that she stopped eating - we thought it was because she had the bad experience the night before, maybe it was the enzyme, maybe it was just an allergic reaction. We brought her back to the vet. The vet said she looked fine - and maybe the enzyme was too intense. We stopped all the supplements and just tried to get her to eat. We talked about getting her tested for the UTI (a culture) after she started to eat normally again so we could get an accurate reading. The test runs about $200 so we opted to hold off.

Scarlett started panting more and her breathing became more labored but as it did my husband and I never thought this was serious - we don't know why but we just didn't. Scarlett became more and more lethargic over the next couple days - Saturday July 6th, 2013 we took our baby to the beach - we walked around for hours - her spirits were up - and we hoped she would be hungry when we got home. We did think that possibly she had stopped eating because she was becoming picky. Me and my husband tried to get her all different kinds for foods to tempt her - to no avail - I would even try to put egg whites in her mouth, which she would look at me and then promptly she'd spit out. By monday I looked at my sweet baby and knew something was wrong - my husband came home and we decided we'd take her in to see her vet early the next morning. When we got to her vet she informed us that this was an emergency and that they were not equipped to handle it - she gave us the info for an Emergency Hospital. We rushed her over to the ER. After taking blood and an x-ray it was thought that she had pancreatitis - we took her home with an IV - the next day no change in her so we took her back and admitted her. We saw another doctor this day and she informed us that this could be serious and linked it back to her UTI's. We placed her there for 48hr care - went to visit her at night, called a couple times to check on her. The last call being on July 11th 7am. The nurse said she was waging her tail. 20mins later we got the call - her heart stopped. We ok'ed CPR but our little angel was gone. The final lab results aren't in but it's believed that she died from her chronic UTI - it was never fully cleared and we can't help feeling like its our fault, had we tested her sooner, brought her in sooner maybe she'd still be with us. We r devastated by her passing & the guilt is unbearable. I've had many deaths in my life my parents died by the time I was 5 yrs old, my grandmother who raised me when I was 18 - my husband has had family members pass away too and his childhood furry baby Brandy but Scarlett's passing is beyond bearable for either of us - my husband and I are inconsolable.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, please permit me to offer you and your husband my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Scarlett. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Scarlett's Mom, please let me try to offer you and your husband some words of comfort in this time of great sorrow. This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many emotions that we ALL experience is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the more challenging of emotions to reconcile - - for it stems from looking back and trying to reconcile all the things that didn't quite make sense at the time the events were happening.

Please let me try to reassure you that it is obvious from what you have shared with us that you and your husband did EVERYTHING that is in your humane and human power to give your beloved Scarlett a happy and healthy earthly journey. You and your husband even sought assistance from an holistic veterinary care provider. As it is with human medicine, so it is with veterinary medicine as well - - sometimes the treatments can help our companions have a good quality of life, while sadly - - as is the case with your beloved Scarlett - - all the efforts to provide our companions expert care their precious sweet physical bodies simply do not respond - - and we are left with broken hearts wondering "why" and "what if".

Scarlett's Mom, unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey of all the "first withouts" and the memories that are right now very painful that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. But I promise you, Scarlett's Mom, that one day when you least expect it you and your husband will be thinking of your beloved Scarlett and you will find yourselves smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill once again with the warmth of all your treasured memories of your beloved Scarlett.

But it is just going to take time for this moment to come for you and your husband. The good news in the midst of your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your husband share with your beloved Scarlett is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journeys as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your and your husband's heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to the both of you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are in deep sorrow that there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of grief. I can only hope the words I share with you will be able to offer you and your husband some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you and your husband travel your grief adjustment journeys.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Scarlett with us, Scarlett's Mom, and for the wonderful picture of you as a family. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, Scarlett's Mom, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much moon_beam. Thank you for taking the time to respond to our plea for help - your words are so helpful. We are still in the depths of our grief, we are grabbing onto your words like a life preserver.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. I hope today is treating you both kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Scarlett's Mom, and Dad. I am just someone here who had to put my cat to sleep July 5, so I know something of what you are feeling.

I have nothing special to say, as I am still going through the changes. But reading your story, I can't help but feel you have nothing to feel guilty about. You stepped up amazingly to help Scarlett. She had a wonderful life with you. There are some things we can't do. The world isn't like that.

I know how it is, comparing losing people, versus losing pets. It is best not to compare it. My mom died last December and I hardly want to admit that Shelby's loss was different, maybe worse.

I hope things start to fall into place for you soon, and you will lose that feeling that you didn't do enough. You did a lot, and Scarlett knows it. I am not just talking about her last times, but throughout her life, you did great.

Scarlett's Mom and Dad, I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved Scarlett. When you say that you are inconsolable, I know how you feel. I was that way with the passing of our bulldog Jake, my soulmate, exactly one year ago today. Nothing could diminish my grief and pain. Over time, however, the pain became less sharp and I am now comforted by the belief that God will one day reunite me with Jake. I feel confident that He will do the same for you and Scarlett.

This is so hard - we feel so numb. Tomorrow is looming - tomorrow will make a week and the what if's, why's and should have's seem to be playing even louder in our heads.

Our little angel was the world to us. I find myself calling for her out loud in the home as I always would. My husband has to try to keep it together for work and calls me when its too difficult for him to put on the social mask, since I work from home I'm able to take this time off but am left without my baby girl - we'd spend the morning, afternoon and early evening together everyday. I'd take a break to rub her belly or just put her on my lap as I worked on the computer. By far the hardest time is bedtime as we'd all go to sleep together - and I usually have Scarlett's little beautiful head laying on my pillow or she'd snuggle under the covers between the both of us. The mornings are not good either because we'd all start the day together. The last mornings she would stare at me and I would stare right back at those big beautiful eyes, oh what we wouldn't give to have them staring at us today...

Thank you all who have written - your words are comforting. And Tomorrow, Tomorrow oh how we dread tomorrow...

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. From first hand experience I can so relate to what you share with us: "Tomorrow oh how we dread tomorrow". Indeed, during the very painful deep grief every moment of every hour of every day is a constant deep seering pain both emotionally and physically. The feeling of the ache in our hearts and body are real - - for grieving is very physically painful.

We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch us, rub against us, lick / kiss us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally experience a physical withdrawal from this chemical imprinting - - and it very physically painful.

It is vitally important that you and your husband get plenty of rest, provide your bodies proper nourishment - - as best as you possibly can - - and keep any additional stresses to a minimum as much as possible - - for grieving takes a tremendous amount of energy and stamina - - particularly during the deep grief, as your body is literally in "survival" mode.

It is also important not to look down the "tomorrow" road while you are in very deep grief - - but rather to focus on taking one day at a time - - one moment at a time. And it is also vitally important that you and your husband give yourselves the opportunities to openly grieve for your beloved Scarlett, for clinical and scientific studies prove that the tears you cry are literally healing tears - - for they literally wash the toxins out of your body that build up in the tissues from the stress of grief.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Please let me share my deepest condolences for the loss of your girl Scarlet. My Lucy hasn't passed yet, I'm spending as much time as I can with her here at home before she dies. She has late stage lymphoma and we are making her comfortable.

I am also wondering if there is something we did that caused this, but it's cancer. Cancer often sweeps our love ones away without any explanation.

I hope that you can find some kind of comfort here on the forums. I haven't been here long, but the people are wonderful. Their support has been so helpful to me.

It was helpful to me to hear that you were able to take Scarlet to do some of her favorite things before she passed. My husband and I have been able to do the same thing. We've taken her to her favorite park, had professional family pictures taken, and she is enjoy some of her favorite treats. I hug her, tell her how much she is loved, encourage her to find her comfortable spots, and just "be" with her.

As Moonbeam says, make sure you take care of yourself. You did all you could for her. I also lost a dog four years ago, and what helped me was staying in my normal routine as much as possible. I eventually learned that doing this was best for me. I also set aside a time for mourning everyday. However you mourn is deeply personal and is unique to each individual.

I know words aren't adequate, but my heart cries for your Scarlet. Please know you are my thoughts as you journey through this terribly painful time.

From the bottom of our hearts we thank all of you for your replies - this site is truly a God send. Just as we feel like we are finding solid ground beneath us it falls away from us. Scarlett's Doctors have spoken to each other to try to understand what happened. Though I couldn't bring myself to talk to them my husband has and we have some follow up questions for them - we are trying to understand (if we can) why this happened medically.

I see our baby girl everywhere but don't feel her around anywhere. We fortunately live in an amazing neighborhood with caring neighbors who have reached out to us - and we've tried to go on Scarlett's walks but that is gut wrenchingly hard. Moonbeam your words about "tears being healing and removing toxins from are bodies" have helped me and my husband in our grief - for now our eyes are still blurry from tears and our hearts remain broken. We wish we could shield everyone from this loss and pain.

We are beginning to feel blessed that we were able to take Scarlett out to the beach days before she passed (this is a photo of our Scarlett on that day) but it is also a reminder of the days we won't have in the future...

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing, and the wonderful picture of your beloved little girl. She is a sweetheart - - and I do mean the present tense "is" - - for her sweet Living Spirit continues to share your and your husband's daily events and routines even though you cannot physically see, hear, feel, taste, or touch her.

I am also glad your husband is finding the strength and courage to speak with the vets about what happened with your beloved little girl, and I'm very glad the vets are consulting with one another to try to find a definitive answer for you. Sometimes a necropsy - - which is the veterinary version of a human autopsy - - can help to fill in the unknowns. But when this isn't possible, a post-mortem forensic review of your beloved Scarlett's records and tests done might help to shed some light on the events that led to her sudden medical crisis. Please let us know how things go.

Slowly, hopefully, you will find yourself finding more things to be thankful for as your deep grief eases - - such is the case with being able to see your beloved little girl enjoy her trip to the beach several days before she transitioned home to the angels. It is these types of loving memories that your beloved Scarlett wants you and your husband to focus on. Since we are not gifted with the privilege of foreknowledge, and therfore do not know the when and how our companions will precede us to the angels, it is so important for us to focus on the blessing we have of sharing our lives with them - - for their earthly journey is NEVER long enough no matter how many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years we have with them.

But it will still be some time before you and your husband will be able to more consistently focus on the many treasured memories you have with your beloved Scarlett. It is important that you and your husband do not force yourselves to do something that you are not emotionally strong enough to do yet - - for instance, walking the route you took with Scarlett around your neighborhood and other places you visited together. It really is okay to alter your routes when you go walking, Scarlett's Mom - - there is no need to inflict additional sorrow on yourselves.

Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Scarlett with us, Scarlett's Mom. I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moonbeam and everyone else that has replied to us - thank you for your responses and for sharing your personal stories they are helping us deal with our loss.

Our neighbors have checked in with us and expressed the void the neighborhood feels without Scarlett. Spoke to the ER Vet and she said Scarlett was responding to the antibiotics and was on her way to recovery and out of nowhere something made her throw a blood clot - the guilt we feel is still present, all the "what if's" and "why's" continue to swirl around our heads and I find myself praying to our sweet angel for forgiveness.

Time seems to go by so slowly, tomorrow will make two weeks since our beautiful Scarlett passed, the void in our home is unbearable but our new reality at home without our baby girl is beginning to set in. Other "first withouts" are hitting us hard. My husband and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary tomorrow and we're going out of town and the pain from our loss stings even more as we would have brought our baby girl with us to celebrate... we are breathing deeply and trying to remain present and that is all we can find the energy to do.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. From first hand experience I do so well understand when you share with us: "we are breathing deeply and trying to remain present and that is all we can find the energy to do." One day at a time, Scarlett's mom and dad.

I am glad your vet has arrived at a definitive diagnosis as to what happened with your beloved Scarlett. Blood clots usually cannot be "predicted" - - neither you, your husband, nor the veterinary care providers had any control over what happened - - each of you did the very best you could for your beloved Scarlett. I hope at some point in time your heart will be able to find peace.

I know your and your husbands anniversary will not be the same without your beloved Scarlett's sweet precious physical presence to share it with you. But I hope somehow you and your husband will feel her sweet Living Spirit celebrate with you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

The tears come in waves now, out of nowhere and I've noticed some shortness of breath. The pain is searing - trying to go out has lead to weird experiences, just as I find myself in conversation an image of our baby girl will come to my mind and I am brought to tears. More sympathy cards have come in the mail which brings comfort to us but also tears at our hearts. We still have more questions for the ER Vet as she gave us conflicting information about our baby girl. The emptiness is overwhelming, we don't feel her anywhere - were hoping to have a sign come from her but we haven't been blessed with a visit from her.

This is so incredibly hard... so incredibly hard.

Feeling so grateful to have a place like this to go to.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Your and your husband's deep sorrow is palpable, and I share with you your deepest sorrow. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are experiencing is very normal deep grief when you share with us: "The tears come in waves now, out of nowhere and I've noticed some shortness of breath. The pain is searing - trying to go out has lead to weird experiences, just as I find myself in conversation an image of our baby girl will come to my mind and I am brought to tears." Your grief is REAL, and the physical symptoms you are experiencing are a part of your deep grief journey. It is important that you try to keep the stress at a minimum and that you give yourself the opportunity to go to a quiet room when you begin to feel the shortness of breath and any other physical symptoms you are feeling until you can regain control of your breathing. If you find yourself not being able to breathe it is vitally important that you go to an ER or see your doctor if you need to.

Some people need a longer time to experience "signs" from their beloved companions. BUT this does not mean that their love bond connection is broken - - it simply means that their "sensitivity" reception to feeling their beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit needs more time to develop. Whatever happens please know that your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - whether or not you "feel" her close to you.

Sadly, this grief adjustment journey is one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. I am so very glad you found us here at Lightning Strike, and hope that you and your husband will feel comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for blessing us by sharing your beloved Scarlett with us. I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much Moonbeam, your words are like a light shining in the darkness of grief me and my husband find ourselves.

Today has been hard as today marks three weeks since our beautiful baby Scarlett has passed. We continue to feel guilty about not testing our baby girl when we brought her in a week before she passed and have scheduled another talk with the ER VET as she and Scarlett's Holistic Vet spoke to each other and then we were told conflicting information of Scarlett's health and stay at the ER.

We find ourselves wishing and hoping for the ability to go back in time and re-write the past but sadly we know that is not possible. All me and my husband want is our baby back and knowing that that is not possible is excruciatingly painful... I find myself looking at photos of our baby girl, looking at the chair she'd sleep on or just looking up to the heavens and asking for her forgiveness... days before she passed she would stare at me as if she was trying tell me something was wrong - that's why we rushed her to the Vet and ER, it was like she was trying to stay here with us and we failed her.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. Please let me try to reassure you that you did NOT fail your beloved Scarlett. Sadly we are mere humans - - we have no control over physical life and physical death. I hope and pray with all my heart that someday you and your husband will be able to find comfort in your hearts that your beloved Scarlett is forever grateful to you for all your love and dedication to her during her earthly journey. She really does not want your hearts entrenched in unresolvable guilt, Scarlett's Mom - - but rather she wants you and your husband to be able to remember her with a happy heart so that you can embrace the many treasured memories you and your beloved Scarlett share. Hopefully one day this will happen for the both of you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing, and how things go with your latest consult with the ER vet regarding what happened with your beloved Scarlett.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Danashelchan, Thank you so much for taking the time to write and for sharing your story - so sorry to hear about your loss. They truly are our babies and the absence of her physical presence continues to be unbearable. This site has been so helpful - again, just wanted to thank you for your kind words and to express our sympathies to you and your family.

Moonbeam,

I have a question about insensitive comments: Our baby passed away one month ago today - the adjustment to her not being with us is physically continues to be incredibly difficult. On top of this loss I've had to deal with a family member being insensitive to our grief. Me and my husband decided a while ago not to have children, a choice my family never understood but just the other day my Aunt made it her business to let me know all of her thoughts - I was told horrendous things like Scarlett was only a dog, why don't you have a child then you'll understand that Scarlett was not your baby, get over it, that I was weird and if I told any parent that had lost a real child about our grief over Scarlett they would take offense to it since she was only a dog not a person. Already raw from our loss of Scarlett these words from my Aunt inflicted even more pain on us. I told her that this was only her opinion and got off the phone as quick as I could and haven't spoken to her since - this was a couple days ago. Have you ever had to deal with this? I'd love to hear any suggestions on how to heal from this and deal with it, I know I can't handle another verbal assault from her.

Also, I wanted to let you know how we are doing after speaking to Scarlett's ER Vet. There were many decisions and mini decisions we made over the two weeks prior to Scarlett's passing that we've replayed over and over in our minds. We spoke to the ER Vet - she was patient and extremely knowledgeable about Scarlett's condition and it is also clear that she still questions her colleagues misdiagnosis of Pancreatitis.

What happened to our sweet baby girl could not be fully explained - the ER Vet said that when we brought our baby in she was extremely sick and had become septic but that she should have recovered, she should have pulled through. The ER Vet said Scarlett was responding to the antibiotics and was well on her way to recovery. The ER Vet explained that in her practice she had treated other furry babies that have come in completely septic and in far worse condition then our Scarlett and made a complete recovery.

Why didn't our Scarlett recover?

It was explained to us that after our morning call checking on our baby Scarlett let out a yelp and went into cardiac arrest. The ER Vet was not there at that time but this is what the on duty doctor noted. The ER Vet attributes the yelp to a blood clot, she said that in her professional opinion the blood clot was a reaction to the Urinary Tract Infection - it was her bodies response to the infection. It was then explained to us that Veterinary medicine is not a perfect science - and it is based on human medicine. The ER VET said in hindsight the only thing that may have been an option would have been to put our baby on a blood thinner while she was in the hospital but that may have opened her up to other medical problems, but again that's only with the benefit of hindsight.

The fact that Scarlett's ER Vet repeated over and over that we brought our baby to the ER in time for her to recover and that she was well on her way to a full recovery has lifted some heaviness off our hearts and souls which we are so grateful for. The void in our lives without our baby girl is beyond what words can express but we are trying to adjust by taking it one day at a time.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. I am so glad you are finding comfort in the information the ER vet is providing you. Unfortunately blood clots cannot be predicted, and when they happen they are, sadly, usually fatal. While blood thinners may have helped to prevent a blood clot from forming, the ER vet is correct in that the effects of the medication could have posed other more serious side-effects. Several years ago while I was hospitalized for serious injuries I had to be on blood thinners to prevent blood clots from forming, and I had to be monitored very closely for bleeding when I underwent additional surgeries.

As to the matter of the insensitivity of your Aunt, - - sadly, sometimes the people who are closest to us both emotionally and geographically are the people who are the least sensitive to our feelings of grief when we are adjusting to the physical absence of a beloved companion. I, too, have family members who are totally insensitive to me, - - so I simply avoid talking to them about my companions. I am the only sibling who has never married and never had human children - - and yes, my siblings do take GREAT EXCEPTION to me talking about my companions as my "chlidren". The fact that you and your husband have decided not to have human children is YOUR business - - no one else's - - not even your Aunt's. It is obvious that she has made her position clear to you, and that she has no intention of extending any compassion to you and your husband in your grief journey. While it is hard to avoid contact with family members, my advice to you and your husband is to keep the topics of discussion as simple as possible and AVOID all discussion concerning your feelings about your beloved Scarlett. I do know from first hand experience how deeply it hurts to be scoffed at and rejected because of your feelings for your beloved Scarlett, but you are "changing the rules" of your relationship with your Aunt for your and your husband's self-preservation from emotional abuse from your Aunt. This is YOUR right, Scarlett's Mom, and your Aunt needs to learn to respect your rights. You and your husband are intelligent adults and deserve to be treated with respect.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing, and how things go with your latest consult with the ER vet regarding what happened with your beloved Scarlett.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam