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Hello my name is KeKe :) I am a RN, Wife, and the proud Cat Mommy to the most handsome kitty in the world Boots. My baby is 10 yrs and 7 months old. He has been the love of my life since I got him at 3 1/2 months old. We are inseparable and he is truly my best little friend !
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kmariebanks
38 years old
Female
middletown, ohio
Born June-24-1981
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Joined: 3-October 13
Profile Views: 1,111*
Last Seen: 25th January 2014 - 10:20 PM
Local Time: Aug 22 2019, 11:51 AM
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kmariebanks

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25 Jan 2014
How does this new journey this new beginning in life begin???? 2 weeks after losing my boy Boots I went through a separation from my husband. My grieving got heavier like a 20 ton weight on top of me. I was lost and didn't have my baby here to console me.
for the first time in a long time I tried the unthinkable. I felt in a space of total aloneness and friendless...loveless in this world. My husband has since come home but my baby.....my boy is still gone I MISS YOU BOOTS SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! its been so much that has happen
so much that has gone on since you've been gone Boots. I wish you were here with me to love me through. you are my baby forever and my only child in sprit. missing you my friend. MamaAttached File  1519.jpg ( 41.31K ) Number of downloads: 1
-our last evening together. I miss you on my lap
Attached File  sleepytimeboots.jpg ( 9.91K ) Number of downloads: 1
-missing our cuddletime, your love, and hugs
4 Nov 2013
Maybe I am crazy…..maybe our relationship, our bond, our friendship was all in my mind. When I would talk to you and you would respond in perfect timing maybe it was just my mind thinking it was perfect timing.
Attached File  Bootskisses.jpg ( 28.38K ) Number of downloads: 3
When I taught you how to give me kisses and you would touch your nose to my lips or cheek maybe it’s because in my mind I wanted to think you truly understood human language and I was pathetic for affection. Maybe I was imagining that you truly were everywhere in the house that I was because I longed to hear the pity-pat feet of something behind me; something craving, needing and dependent on my attention.
At moments when I was sick and you would come lay by me and knead your paws in my chest or back maybe it was my imagination of wanting someone to be with me and comfort me in my moments of need and sickness. You would lay on my house coat, shoes, socks, work clothes and school books when I was gone and I would walk in the door and find you on them. Maybe it was my imagination that thought you missed me so much that you just had to smell my scent for comfort. Attached File  bootsmommyfavpic.jpg ( 27.78K ) Number of downloads: 2

Maybe I am just a lonely depressed little girl who made up a fairytale friend to solve my sadness and depression problems. Maybe all the cruel people in life were right when they said no one would ever love me or need me…….maybe I am the most unlovable person in the world…maybe I do have problems and need help. Maybe I am better off just being alone so I can’t hurt anyone else. Maybe I am made to never have anyone love me. Maybe….just maybe…..
Or maybe you really did love me and all of the above was done because it truly was done out of your love. I am lost without you and I know one thing for sure is that I loved you. I will always love you from ever pit of my soul. I long to feel your friendship, your love, and your sweet little kitty kisses that made my world alright. You gave me a purpose and a need to be here because you gave me something and someone to love. I know I have Daddy Craig but nothing can take the place of you. You were mine to love and I was yours to love back. I have prayed every day for a sign…..a sign that you remember me….a sign that you loved me…and a sign that you miss me ….and most of all a sign that you forgive me. It hurt Mommy so much to see you sick and hurting. I didn’t know what else to do. I gave you peace and let go of my selfishness. I’m so sorry baby for ending your life.
Boots, I don’t know what stage of the grief process I am in…… Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, or Acceptance…..but all I know is that I miss you and the grief and hurt in my heart is real. I’ve never felt this type of pain before……I am in shock of all the people who have cried for me and with me. Is it because they see how pathetic I am to be crying over an animal? Do they feel pity for me? Or is it because they know that the love the 2 of us shared is so real and true that their heart aches because they understand my hurt and sorrow?
Boots….Mamas Grr Grr….Mamas Bear Bear….My Pookie-Mookie, My Muu Muu, My Tinkie Butt, Our Eye of the Kitten….where are you?????? I need you………..maybe I will see you again one day….maybe I will get my sign…and maybe …just maybe one day this empty hole in my heart will heal……MAYBE. Mommy misses you Boots * tears fall to the computer*
I am so depressed without you . Tomorrow will be a week since you've been gone. It hasn't gotten easier yet. My baby Boots I miss you ! Why did you have to get sick now.....why now when Mommy needs you so much....I tried....I tried all that I could....maybeI didn't try enough...My Honey-Angel I need you!!!! I am so sorry.
30 Oct 2013
I am numb as I write this and feel lost in the world alone. 10/28/13 my boy Boots was put to sleep around 3pm. I kissed him until the end and cuddled his warm body. the moments after are a blurr. all I wanted was to hold my baby and keep kissing him for hours and hours until his body was picked up. My baby was suppose to be getting better. He played for me the week before only to find him sunday unable to walk. before his procedure he was assessed and it was noted that his right pupil was dilated and pulses uneven. Boots threw an ischemic clot paralyzing his right side. I miss my boy.................................. every moment is hard. I keep looking for him, expecting him to hope on the bed and give me kisses and cuddle-buddle with me. I have to bite my tongue from yelling for him. ive been screaming and hollering myself to sleep so much that my blood pressure has been dangerously high and causing nose bleeds. when will my hurt stop, when will I stop feeling guilty. my baby......I miss my baby so much.
Attached File(s)
Attached File  bootsurn.jpg ( 104.78K ) Number of downloads: 1
 
16 Oct 2013
Hello everyone,
Just wanted to reach out to the group for support and strength. This has not been a good week for my boy. He has stopped eating and drinking again. He is back to being lethargic and only wants to lay in my lap and sleep. I noticed today that his left pupil is dilated unequally to his right pupil. He looks so sad and pitiful. When I pet him his eyes water and it makes me cry with him. I called his vet today to ask her if it is necessary to continue with his Doxycicline. His last 2 doses made him vomit terribly. The torture isn't worth it to me anymore. I just want him to be comfortable and loved from this point on. I am waiting for her to get back with me however, her assistance said it was fine to hold off on the medicine if it causing him more distress than good. Why is this happening to us? I took the best care I could of him for 10 years. He went to the Doctor yearly for his shots, I tried my best to shelter him from other cats, and bought him the best food ( even $30 a bag diet and urinary tract food to prevent crystals and when his dr said he was too fat lol) . He is loveddddd to the fullest!! This feels like a horrible dream. Everyone is routing for him and want to be there for him anyway possible. My landlord has even offered to make a special casket and burial stone for when his time of leaving this life comes. Nice gesture but I can not even let my mind focus on that sad.gif .
I thank everyone in advance for the love that is and will be given to me/us during this time. Please keep us in your prayers!! Ke & Boots
Attached File(s)
Attached File  bootschair.jpg ( 75.29K ) Number of downloads: 3
Attached File  smileboots.jpg ( 26.78K ) Number of downloads: 2
 
8 Oct 2013
Hello everyone.
over these past 2 months I have noticed that my baby boy has been not feeling well. Besides being tormented by fleas -they were horrible this year- he was lethargic, anorexic ( went from 20 to 12 lbs quickly),had a change in his meow and purr and just seemed depressed. I also noticed him swallowing hard. We spent a whole day at the doctor getting numerous test done ( CBC, FeIV, U/A, Diabetes, etc) and he was found to be severely Anemic secondary to fleas. My baby is long haired and fleas are often a problem. even with using the medication from the vet. He only goes out the house at night but when I noticed him getting sick he wanted to be outside all day in the 100 degree weather. He had such a change in his behavior! hiding in closets and just not responding to his name.
Boots was placed on Amoxicillin for 28 days, given a steroid injection and dewomer shot. He was doing well for about 2 weeks when everything began happening again. this time I noticed that he hated to walk. he would just lay in one spot and stare out like he was in pain and would give the worst meow I ever heard when moved. My husband and I had to hand feed him and clean feces from his furr daily. he would use his box and just sleep in it, refusing to move. after returning to the dr. his xray came back fine, his RBC's were within normal limits with his hgb and hct improving as well. however his reticulocyte count was 0.0 and platelet count way above the 1100 range. his Dr said his body is doing all that it can to make new rbc but cant. She said these labs are common in bone cancer however she is just hoping he has a bone infection even with his wbc being normal. once again he received a steroid shot and dewomer and antibiotics. He was a new cat that first week! truly a turn around!!!
Tomorrow 10/9/13 will be the beginning of his 2nd week of doxycycline. He continues to jump on the bed, eat, and stay out of his hiding places however I am noticing his discomfort with breathing returning, the hard swallowing getting worse, and the look of pain in his eyes. I NEED HELP! if he does not improve the dr is telling me it is time to consider putting him down because it will most likely be bone cancer. I am not in denial but I can not accept this! I do not feel she is listening to me when I tell her about his breathing and change in purr/meow. has anyone ever seen labs like this with their animal? please help me! I am heart broken. my baby is my life. I can not live without him. I am having panic attacks at work, at home, driving....all I can do is cry. I don't know if I can make it without him.
Attached File(s)
Attached File  boots1.jpg ( 32.76K ) Number of downloads: 1
 
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