Utterly Devastated

(I posted this on the missing pet area, but I was told that I should consider posting it here as well.)


My pet parakeet, Baby, accidentally got loose yesterday afternoon. I trusted another family member with his care at that particular hour and he got loose. He was so happy to be free for the first hour or two. He kept calling to me and bobbing his head in excitement, telling me he loved me and calling me baby as usual. But then other birds started picking on him, he became panicked and we lost sight of him for the night. I spent a long anguished night and today doing everything I could to recover him but to no avail. Yesterday I almost touched him. Early this morning, I heard him calling to me - like he does when he wants to be rescued or is fearful of something, but I could not find him and see him and now I can not hear him at all. I think he was trying to get to me, but got confused and went the wrong direction.

He is the one bright spot in my life now. Or was. I let myself love something again and he is lost. I have had a very abusive life growing up and I lost everything in Hurricane Katrina and yet I am still here. He was the one bright spot left in my life. I owed it to him to protect him from the world. He is so very innocent and defenseless. All he knew was kisses, cuddling and being hand fed. He was very smart, but the sweetest bird. Most of the time he didn't even think he was a bird. He was so much more. I fear he will starve to death soon. It is killing me - imagining hour upon hour that he is being abused by other birds, he is hungry and thirsty and scared. I know he is going to die alone, hungry and scared. It hurst so very much. I was supposed to protect him. He loved me and was always so loving. We cuddled every day, he loved to give kisses and tell me he loved me. What does he get in return for this? He gets to suffer an agonizing death.

I can't eat or sleep or do anything, because I know he is not eating or sleeping. I can't do anything but imagine what is happening to him. I have had many pets of all species, but he has truly - to my surprise, been the most beloved and cherished.

If I had lost him in some other way - such as giving him a new home or him dying of old age, or dying in my hand without suffering --- all of that I could come to bear. But his slow suffering and lonely death is going to haunt me forever.

I don't know how to deal with forever knowing that he died suffering, without me to hold him. I would rather die. I would rather suffer, than an innocent creature who knew nothing but to love.

I never knew a bird to be so special as he. So much more than just a bird. And now I can not feel anything but pain.

Utterly Devastated

My pet parakeet, Baby, accidentally got loose yesterday afternoon. I trusted another family member with his care at that particular hour and he got loose. He was so happy to be free for the first hour or two. He kept calling to me and bobbing his head in excitement, telling me he loved me and calling me baby as usual. But then other birds started picking on him, he became panicked and we lost sight of him for the night. I spent a long anguished night and today doing everything I could to recover him but to no avail. Yesterday I almost touched him. Early this morning, I heard him calling to me - like he does when he wants to be rescued or is fearful of something, but I could not find him and see him and now I can not hear him at all. I think he was trying to get to me, but got confused and went the wrong direction.

He is the one bright spot in my life now. Or was. I let myself love something again and he is lost. He is so very innocent and defenseless. All he knew was kisses, cuddling and being hand fed. He was very smart, but the sweetest most innocent bird. I fear he will starve to death soon. It is killing me - imagining hour upon hour that he is being abused by other birds, he is hungry and thirsty and scared. I know he is going to die alone, hungry and scared. It hurst so very much. I was supposed to protect him. He loved me and was always so loving. We cuddled every day, he loved to give kisses and tell me he loved me. What does he get in return for this? He gets to suffer an agonizing death.

I can't eat or sleep or do anything, because I know he is not eating or sleeping. I can't do anything but imagine what is happening to him. I have had many pets of all species, but he has truly - to my surprise, been the most beloved and cherished.

If I had lost him in some other way - such as giving him a new home or him dying of old age, or dying in my hand without suffering --- all of that I could come to bear. But his slow suffering and lonely death is going to haunt me forever.

I don't know how to deal with forever knowing that he died suffering, without me to hold him. I would rather die. I would rather suffer, than an innocent creature who knew nothing but to love.

I never knew a bird to be so special as he. So much more than just a bird. And now I can not feel anything but pain.