My sweet Jasper,
It's been five months ... yet you have never left my heart. I had no idea that my heart could hold such joy and happiness in finding you seven years ago, and I had no idea that my heart could hold such pain and heartache in losing you five months ago. I will never ever forget walking out of that animal hospital with your carrier, with you not in it, never have I felt so alone, shattered, and broken. I will never forget several days later, walking out of that animal hospital with that small wooden box with your ashes in it, such raw and searing grief I felt in knowing that you were not coming back home to me, but also feeling just the tiniest bit of relief and comfort that somehow, someway, your sweet spirit was back with me. It took every bit of strength in me to go there and walk back through those doors that day, and it just felt so wrong that others were coming out of there with their pets so full of life, and here you were, my big beautiful vibrant boy, in this little wooden box ... never have I felt such complete and utter devastation.

I have tried so hard to be strong for your brother Jingles, and I have been giving him all of the love and care he so deserves, but I still can see the sadness in his eyes, he misses you and he just can't understand why you aren't here with us, he just can't understand where his best friend is. He has really helped to keep me going, not sure I would have even made it this far without him. So many times I felt like just giving up, but then I would see him just sitting by the door and waiting for you, it would just break my heart. So then I would scoop him up in my arms and tell him how very much I loved him, and that we were going to make it through this together. Remember how I used to always call us the three musketeers, well one of us is missing, and we feel it every single day. Sometimes when I leave for work in the morning and I am almost out the door, I will come back in and give him a second hug, just because, you never know. I tell all my friends and family that we need to cherish every moment, and we need to love you while we have you, because, you just never know, and tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Thank you for trying so very hard to stay here with me, and I hope that you know I would have moved heaven and earth to save you, we both tried so hard, didn't we ... but I think that maybe the angels really needed you up there, you always had such a loving and gentle spirit, you are so very very special, and they must have seen that too, but sometimes I just feel like calling out to the heavens to please give you back, I just want you back so badly. I miss you so much my sweet baby, not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts, and my world will never be the same without you. Sometimes I wish that this dull ache in my heart would just go away, but I suppose the only way that would ever happen is if I never even knew you, and you know I wouldn't trade even one single precious moment we had together. I will see you again my beautiful kitty, and I just can't wait for that wonderful day when our eyes meet again, and you run up to meet me, and I will run to you like I've never ever run before, and we will never be separated again. Hold onto our love like a little light my sweet boy, love never dies, and we will find each other again, mommy loves you always and forever...

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us your heart-filled beautiful love letter to your beloved Jasper, and your and your beloved Jasper's 5 month angel-versary. Indeed, no matter how much time passes in our continued earthly journey our beloved companions will always have their special place in our hearts and memories, and even though eventually the intense sorrow eases there will always be an awareness that our earthly journey with them is never long enough for we will always long to share just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one more lifetime with them, and hold them in our arms "just one more time".

Your precious Jingles is so blessed to have you for his Forever Mom to comfort him, as he comforts you, in your shared sorrow of your beloved Jasper. It is times like these that do bring a heightened awareness of just how fragile this earthly journey is, and you are so wise as you share your thoughts with us: "Sometimes when I leave for work in the morning and I am almost out the door, I will come back in and give him a second hug, just because, you never know. I tell all my friends and family that we need to cherish every moment, and we need to love you while we have you, because, you just never know, and tomorrow is not promised to anyone."

I hope today is treating you, your precious Jingles, and all your family kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Jasper's Mom -

I read your post and it really touched me. I lost my best friend and beloved cat Henry on June 1 and feel much like you do. Henry was, I think, to me like Jasper was to you, so I feel like I understand how you feel, at least a little bit. For me, at the end of the day I sit at my desk and don't want to go home. Henry was always looking out the window for me - now, every day when I come home, the window is empty; it is more cruel proof that he is gone. I, like you, believe we will each see Henry and Jasper again - but it does not seem enough. I could have used a few more years with him here. I'm sure you feel the same.

Dear BabyHenry,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved cat Henry. I read your posts on his passing, and I know how very hard it can be when we lose our sweet pets so suddenly without any warning. There is no time to prepare, no time to say goodybye, and it just seems to send us reeling. Never ever would I have expected my perfectly healthy and vibrant boy Jasper, who was only seven years old, to become so sick and weak within two days, and how could I have ever forseen having to say goodbye to him in the prime of his life. It is just so shocking and sometimes it takes a long time to process what has actually happened, and it seems to make it so tragic, how could they just not be here anymore, I still ask that question to this very day.

I can so relate to what you say about not wanting to come home from work because you no longer see your Henry waiting for you in the window. I felt the same way, and it hurts even now when I open the door and my Jasper is not there to meet me. He would always be right there waiting for me to pick him up for some cuddles. Everyone always speaks about a new normal, well I don't like this new normal and I never will, how can anything be truly normal when our sweet babies are no longer right here with us, it is just so very sad and so very hard, isn't it? Eventually we do come to accept this, but our world and our lives are never really quite the same, but it does give us that incentive to cherish every moment because we know how fragile life can be, and to never let anything go unsaid, and to always give that extra hug, because you just never know.

I still feel bad about all the years that Jasper and I missed out on, so I know exactly what you mean when you write how you could have used a few more years with your Henry here. I used to even do the math when I would hear of other cats living to fifteen years old and beyond, and I would think, wow we should have had that many more years together Jasper, it just doesn't seem fair. He was so young, so strong, and he was so loved, just as your Henry was, no it isn't fair I suppose, but we need to stop and think how it would have been if they had never come into our lives at all. As bad as this hurts, there is no way I would have chosen not to know my Jasper, and I am sure you feel the same way about your Henry.

BabyHenry thank you so much for your kind reply to my letter to Jasper. I find it really does help so much to write to him and I just can't help but feel that somehow he can feel these words I am writing, and he knows just what is in my heart, these letters are like my little link to stay connected to him. Take care and know you are not alone, your Henry is still with you in every way that counts, they are always by our side and in our hearts, love never ends, and I bet the heavens are alot brighter now, with my Jasper and your Henry up there, how could it not be ...

I found this video and it really touched my heart, this one's for you Jasper.

http://youtu.be/1rlWruCb13E

Hi moon_beam,
I would like to thank you so very much for your kind words about my letter to Jasper. Your thoughtful and understanding posts have really helped me to find so much peace and healing. I just wanted to let you know that when my heart was shattered, and my world was completely falling apart, your thoughts about Jasper's living spirit still being here with me so kept me going, when everyone else was speaking about him in the past tense, and used that terrible word "gone", you made me see that he was not gone at all, he was still right here with me, in every way that counts. When I felt that he was so very very far away, you let me know that he was so much closer than I could ever have imagined, you let me know that he was only a heartbeat away.

I always feel so much better after I write to my sweet boy, it is like my little link to him, and when I write these letters to him it is as though we are still connected. I also feel that somehow he can feel the words I write, and that he knows just what is in my heart, and most importantly of all, I think that he can feel my love for him even now. I miss him more than words could ever say, and I still hurt and I still cry, but then again there have been times now when I find myself thinking of him with a smile, and I remember his sweetness and his beautiful spirit, I remember how he used to make me laugh, I remember how he filled my life with a joy that I never even thought was possible. I am holding on to the precious memories, and I am holding on to the sweet love, and I am never ever letting go. Thank you again moon_beam, you must be an angel, because into such darkness and despair, your words have brought such light and hope to so many.

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that your beloved Jasper does indeed know the eternal love you have for him in your heart, and your love is always lifting heaven-ward to him where he embraces it as he patiently waits for your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy. He hears your voice as well which continues to be a sweet sound to him, and hopefully in the quietness of your heart you can hear him softly whisper to you, "I love you, too, mom". Love is eternal - - it is always and forever alive and growing.

I hope today is treating you, your precious Jingles, and all your family kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Jun 26 2014, 12:01 PM' post='82104']
My sweet Jasper,
It's been five months ... yet you have never left my heart. I had no idea that my heart could hold such joy and happiness in finding you seven years ago, and I had no idea that my heart could hold such pain and heartache in losing you five months ago. I will never ever forget walking out of that animal hospital with your carrier, with you not in it, never have I felt so alone, shattered, and broken. I will never forget several days later, walking out of that animal hospital with that small wooden box with your ashes in it, such raw and searing grief I felt in knowing that you were not coming back home to me, but also feeling just the tiniest bit of relief and comfort that somehow, someway, your sweet spirit was back with me. It took every bit of strength in me to go there and walk back through those doors that day, and it just felt so wrong that others were coming out of there with their pets so full of life, and here you were, my big beautiful vibrant boy, in this little wooden box ... never have I felt such complete and utter devastation.

I have tried so hard to be strong for your brother Jingles, and I have been giving him all of the love and care he so deserves, but I still can see the sadness in his eyes, he misses you and he just can't understand why you aren't here with us, he just can't understand where his best friend is. He has really helped to keep me going, not sure I would have even made it this far without him. So many times I felt like just giving up, but then I would see him just sitting by the door and waiting for you, it would just break my heart. So then I would scoop him up in my arms and tell him how very much I loved him, and that we were going to make it through this together. Remember how I used to always call us the three musketeers, well one of us is missing, and we feel it every single day. Sometimes when I leave for work in the morning and I am almost out the door, I will come back in and give him a second hug, just because, you never know. I tell all my friends and family that we need to cherish every moment, and we need to love you while we have you, because, you just never know, and tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Thank you for trying so very hard to stay here with me, and I hope that you know I would have moved heaven and earth to save you, we both tried so hard, didn't we ... but I think that maybe the angels really needed you up there, you always had such a loving and gentle spirit, you are so very very special, and they must have seen that too, but sometimes I just feel like calling out to the heavens to please give you back, I just want you back so badly. I miss you so much my sweet baby, not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts, and my world will never be the same without you. Sometimes I wish that this dull ache in my heart would just go away, but I suppose the only way that would ever happen is if I never even knew you, and you know I wouldn't trade even one single precious moment we had together. I will see you again my beautiful kitty, and I just can't wait for that wonderful day when our eyes meet again, and you run up to meet me, and I will run to you like I've never ever run before, and we will never be separated again. Hold onto our love like a little light my sweet boy, love never dies, and we will find each other again, mommy loves you always and forever...
[/quo

[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Jul 8 2014, 06:24 PM' post='82190']
[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Jun 26 2014, 12:01 PM' post='82104']
My sweet Jasper,
It's been five months ... yet you have never left my heart. I had no idea that my heart could hold such joy and happiness in finding you seven years ago, and I had no idea that my heart could hold such pain and heartache in losing you five months ago. I will never ever forget walking out of that animal hospital with your carrier, with you not in it, never have I felt so alone, shattered, and broken. I will never forget several days later, walking out of that animal hospital with that small wooden box with your ashes in it, such raw and searing grief I felt in knowing that you were not coming back home to me, but also feeling just the tiniest bit of relief and comfort that somehow, someway, your sweet spirit was back with me. It took every bit of strength in me to go there and walk back through those doors that day, and it just felt so wrong that others were coming out of there with their pets so full of life, and here you were, my big beautiful vibrant boy, in this little wooden box ... never have I felt such complete and utter devastation.

I have tried so hard to be strong for your brother Jingles, and I have been giving him all of the love and care he so deserves, but I still can see the sadness in his eyes, he misses you and he just can't understand why you aren't here with us, he just can't understand where his best friend is. He has really helped to keep me going, not sure I would have even made it this far without him. So many times I felt like just giving up, but then I would see him just sitting by the door and waiting for you, it would just break my heart. So then I would scoop him up in my arms and tell him how very much I loved him, and that we were going to make it through this together. Remember how I used to always call us the three musketeers, well one of us is missing, and we feel it every single day. Sometimes when I leave for work in the morning and I am almost out the door, I will come back in and give him a second hug, just because, you never know. I tell all my friends and family that we need to cherish every moment, and we need to love you while we have you, because, you just never know, and tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Thank you for trying so very hard to stay here with me, and I hope that you know I would have moved heaven and earth to save you, we both tried so hard, didn't we ... but I think that maybe the angels really needed you up there, you always had such a loving and gentle spirit, you are so very very special, and they must have seen that too, but sometimes I just feel like calling out to the heavens to please give you back, I just want you back so badly. I miss you so much my sweet baby, not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts, and my world will never be the same without you. Sometimes I wish that this dull ache in my heart would just go away, but I suppose the only way that would ever happen is if I never even knew you, and you know I wouldn't trade even one single precious moment we had together. I will see you again my beautiful kitty, and I just can't wait for that wonderful day when our eyes meet again, and you run up to meet me, and I will run to you like I've never ever run before, and we will never be separated again. Hold onto our love like a little light my sweet boy, love never dies, and we will find each other again, mommy loves you always and forever...
[/quo


To my beautiful boy Jasper,
I can't believe how much it still hurts. Sometimes I think I am doing so well and moving forward, then all of a sudden I seem to be almost back at square one. This grief rollercoaster I have been on is so very hard, and I just want to get off, but I don't quite know how to. There have been times when I felt as though I was losing our connection, and that made me so very sad, but then all of a sudden, it seemed I would feel your presence all around me. There have also been those times when I know, without a doubt, that you have sent me a sign that you are still right here with me. Somehow you always seem to know when I am hurting the most, and in my deepest sadness and pain, something will happen, and I truly believe there are no coincidences ... whatever is meant to be will always find a way, and you always seem to find your way back to me, like a beautiful little light in the darkness.

Last night I was watching that little facebook look back movie that showed our first four years together, I was so very sad with tears running down my face, and all of a sudden the video just stopped and stayed right there on your picture, it didn't move to any other frame, and I can't help but feel it was your way of saying, "Don't cry mom, I'm still here", and in the background, the sweetest music was playing, and there you were, looking at me with those beautiful eyes of yours for the longest time, and it was just such a comfort to me. It seems whenever I fall back into the heartbreak, there you are to see me through. How could I ever think that the special love we shared could just disappear. Thank you my sweet boy for sending me the signs that have given me such peace, thank you for always coming to me whenever I need you the most, thank you for holding onto our love and not letting go. You are my forever Jasper, and I am your forever Mom, no time or distance will ever change that ... I love you dear little one.

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us your and your beloved Jasper's 5 month angel-versary. This greif adjustment journey is definitely not a straight line from A to Z, but rather a journey of many unpredictable ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. We can begin to have a few "better" days and then - - without warning -- we can find ourselves feeling like we are just at that first moment when our hearts are breaking as our beloved companion crosses the threshold to the angels.

The "good news" is that the "better" days will last longer, and the intensity of the not so good days will ease. But until this times comes for you, jaspersmom, please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when you feel like your heart can no longer withstand the searing pain of physical absence from your beloved Jasper.

I hope today is treating you, your precious Jingles, and all your family kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Jul 8 2014, 09:39 PM' post='82192']
[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Jul 8 2014, 06:24 PM' post='82190']
[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Jun 26 2014, 12:01 PM' post='82104']
My sweet Jasper,
It's been five months ... yet you have never left my heart. I had no idea that my heart could hold such joy and happiness in finding you seven years ago, and I had no idea that my heart could hold such pain and heartache in losing you five months ago. I will never ever forget walking out of that animal hospital with your carrier, with you not in it, never have I felt so alone, shattered, and broken. I will never forget several days later, walking out of that animal hospital with that small wooden box with your ashes in it, such raw and searing grief I felt in knowing that you were not coming back home to me, but also feeling just the tiniest bit of relief and comfort that somehow, someway, your sweet spirit was back with me. It took every bit of strength in me to go there and walk back through those doors that day, and it just felt so wrong that others were coming out of there with their pets so full of life, and here you were, my big beautiful vibrant boy, in this little wooden box ... never have I felt such complete and utter devastation.

I have tried so hard to be strong for your brother Jingles, and I have been giving him all of the love and care he so deserves, but I still can see the sadness in his eyes, he misses you and he just can't understand why you aren't here with us, he just can't understand where his best friend is. He has really helped to keep me going, not sure I would have even made it this far without him. So many times I felt like just giving up, but then I would see him just sitting by the door and waiting for you, it would just break my heart. So then I would scoop him up in my arms and tell him how very much I loved him, and that we were going to make it through this together. Remember how I used to always call us the three musketeers, well one of us is missing, and we feel it every single day. Sometimes when I leave for work in the morning and I am almost out the door, I will come back in and give him a second hug, just because, you never know. I tell all my friends and family that we need to cherish every moment, and we need to love you while we have you, because, you just never know, and tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Thank you for trying so very hard to stay here with me, and I hope that you know I would have moved heaven and earth to save you, we both tried so hard, didn't we ... but I think that maybe the angels really needed you up there, you always had such a loving and gentle spirit, you are so very very special, and they must have seen that too, but sometimes I just feel like calling out to the heavens to please give you back, I just want you back so badly. I miss you so much my sweet baby, not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts, and my world will never be the same without you. Sometimes I wish that this dull ache in my heart would just go away, but I suppose the only way that would ever happen is if I never even knew you, and you know I wouldn't trade even one single precious moment we had together. I will see you again my beautiful kitty, and I just can't wait for that wonderful day when our eyes meet again, and you run up to meet me, and I will run to you like I've never ever run before, and we will never be separated again. Hold onto our love like a little light my sweet boy, love never dies, and we will find each other again, mommy loves you always and forever...
[/quo


To my beautiful boy Jasper,
I can't believe how much it still hurts. Sometimes I think I am doing so well and moving forward, then all of a sudden I seem to be almost back at square one. This grief rollercoaster I have been on is so very hard, and I just want to get off, but I don't quite know how to. There have been times when I felt as though I was losing our connection, and that made me so very sad, but then all of a sudden, it seemed I would feel your presence all around me. There have also been those times when I know, without a doubt, that you have sent me a sign that you are still right here with me. Somehow you always seem to know when I am hurting the most, and in my deepest sadness and pain, something will happen, and I truly believe there are no coincidences ... whatever is meant to be will always find a way, and you always seem to find your way back to me, like a beautiful little light in the darkness.

Last night I was watching that little facebook look back movie that showed our first four years together, I was so very sad with tears running down my face, and all of a sudden the video just stopped and stayed right there on your picture, it didn't move to any other frame, and I can't help but feel it was your way of saying, "Don't cry mom, I'm still here", and in the background, the sweetest music was playing, and there you were, looking at me with those beautiful eyes of yours for the longest time, and it was just such a comfort to me. It seems whenever I fall back into the heartbreak, there you are to see me through. How could I ever think that the special love we shared could just disappear. Thank you my sweet boy for sending me the signs that have given me such peace, thank you for always coming to me whenever I need you the most, thank you for holding onto our love and not letting go. You are my forever Jasper, and I am your forever Mom, no time or distance will ever change that ... I love you dear little one.
[/quote


I found a beautiful poem which pretty much says it all ... I miss you so much Jasper.

Tribute To A Best Friend

Sunlight streams through window pane
unto a spot on the floor....
then I remember,
it's where you used to lie,
but now you are no more.
Our feet walk down a hall of carpet,
and muted echoes sound....
then I remember,
It's where your paws would joyously abound.
A voice is heard along the road,
and up beyond the hill,
then I remember it can't be yours....
your golden voice is still.
But I'll take that vacant spot of floor
and empty muted hall
and lay them with the absent voice
and unused dish along the wall.
I'll wrap these treasured memorials
in a blanket of my love
and keep them for my best friend
until we meet above.