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Jaedon
43 years old
Female
Washington, USA
Born May-3-1980
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The Lady Estella Denise Renee, "Stella"
13" Tri-Colored Beagle,
Born: February 1, 2001
Passed: August 9, 2008

mi vida, mi corazon, mi alma
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Joined: 8-August 08
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Last Seen: 30th January 2009 - 04:21 PM
Local Time: Mar 28 2024, 03:16 AM
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Jaedon

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30 Jan 2009
Stella's birthday is this Sunday, February 1. She would have been eight years old. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her and mourn her loss. I am trying to get better, however, because I did receive a visit from her. I had another dream about Stella in the early morning on Dec 31. I just remember that we were together, and for the first time I saw her up close and got to touch her (before when I dreamed about her she was always far away, and I couldn’t get to her). There was this bright light that was all around us. It was like sunlight but it wasn’t hot, and the light wasn’t glaring but very nice. I remember I was burying my face in her fur and hugging her and begging her not to go, but I could hear her in my head telling me that it was time. I also remember that she seemed happy, not tail wagging, barking happy, but just a very peaceful type of happy. I remember trying very hard not to wake up and fighting to stay with her, but she told me it was okay and she needed to go.

I think it means that she’s passing on to the next step, whatever that is. Funny that she timed it with the New Year. New Years has always been my favorite holiday because I think of it as an annual rebirth and a chance to start fresh. I hope the dream was real, and she really is at peace.

She'll always be in my heart, no matter where she is, and I will never forget her. How could I? She was my best friend in the world. I love you, baby girl, happy birthday.

J
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11 Aug 2008
I felt like, when I made the decision to let Stella go.. my beautiful daughter, best friend, sole mate of a beagle, I had made my peace. It was the right thing to do for her, I OWED her that. She was only seven, and after fighting leptospirosis and kidney failure for two years, she had just given up. I cried for two weeks before I made the decision. I went through denial, then I was angry, then I could do nothing but cry, but then this sort of calm came over me, because I kept repeating the mantra, "It's not about me anymore, it's about her." And doing that, I could set myself aside and see how horrible she felt, how she herself was ready, and I knew what I had to do for her. But the procedure was horrible. It was horrible and I can't get the images out of my head. Afterward I felt dead, just as gone as she was. As if with her departure she took my soul. And since then I feel like a zombie, except for the times when I feel sick. I feel like I can't accept that she's gone. No matter what, I feel like she's just at the hospital again for treatment, and I'll see her in a few days. I can't fight through this fog, and I'm not sure I want to. For a long time, she was all I had-- my only friend, sometimes the only family speaking to me... she was everything. And now my instinct is that I have nothing. I'm hollow. I don't even know what "I" is anymore. I can't imagine life without her. Anyway, this is my first post, pretty much ever, online. I don't usually think people should be bothered with my worries, having enough of their own. But... I just don't know what to do. Any feedback would help me feel like I'm not so alone. This has been very stream-of-consciousness, so I'm sorry if it doesn't make the most sense.
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30 Aug 2008 - 18:13


22 Aug 2008 - 7:13


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