Hey guys,
I lost my best friend, Raggs, a rescue pup that was found abandoned and neglected in the streets. His coat was matted and mangled. Hence the name.
I was first introduced to Raggs at the age of 7 when my Dad brought him home. He was approx. 8 weeks old. I'm now 22, Raggs passed last Sunday. I had the pleasure of his friendship for 15 years.

We quickly became friends, then best friends and soon enough we were inseparable. He was part of the family..We both grew up together. Now he's gone and i'm completely lost.

During my late teens i battled against an eating disorder. I was very sick. And he knew that, he knew that i was sick.
Resting his head on my chest a little more gently than usual, his big green eyes would stare into mine and they would beg me to get better, his eyes told me i needed to fight it and get better.
He pulled me through that dreadful time. After all, we were a team. A unit.

We bounced off each other, protecting one other when either of us fell.

Over the years his eye sight began to dim and his hearing wasn't too good...He was getting old...
Something of which was easily over shadowed by liveliness and playfulness.

Through out Last Friday he was puking violently, drinking lots, not eating and seemed...'sluggish'.
I comfortred him through the night into the early hours.
After an hours sleep, i woke up to find that he had perked up alot. Throughout Saturday he wasn't puking, he was eating and he seemed a lot happier. I went to bed that night relieved that my best friend was ok, foolishly putting it down to something he may of eaten.
The following morning i woke to find him in much worse condition than on the Firday. He was puking again, drinking lots and could barely walk. When he could stand and walk (with assistance), He couldnt balance and couldnt walk straight.
My Dad called the Veterinarian hospital in the neighbouring town while i comforted him, and told him what he told me 2 years previously...'Get beter'...'Please get better'...'It'll be alright'.
Soon enough my Dad had scooped him up off of the carpet in a wrap around, we were in the car and heading to the hospital.

My best friend has always had a...'rebellious' streak towards being examined or when getting his shots. This time was different, their was no fight...No need to calm him.
After an examination, the Vet said that his kidneys had completley shut down and that the kindest thing we could do for him was put him to sleep.
'No! No he's fine! He was fine yesterday!', i kept thinking. It hadn't hit me what was going on or what was about to happen.
My best friend of 15 years wasn't about to leave me...He couldnt.

The Vet asked us to leave the room while she did her thing.
That wasn't going to happen.
She shaved a small piece of fur off of his leg...Normally he would try his best to avoid that happening, but still..Nothing.
The rest...I just cant write...

I'm completley lost. The earliest memory of life i have is when i was 7, the day i met my best friend.
I can honestly say that i've never known life without him.
The bottom of my world fell through last Sunday. My heart feels so heavy and yet a chunk of it is missing.
Part of me still cant get my head round it...

I will never feel the same way he made me feel ever again. Only he had the power to do that. Words cant describe those feelings...And their gone.
Half of me has gone.

Since Sunday i just havn't been able to function...I cant stop crying, i cant stop panicking, i just...I cant cope much longer.

Even if just one person reply's to this...Please just say anything...Anything to let me know that someone is their..

Believe it or not, everything you are saying and feeling is NORMAL.

As far as pain and grieving...you are definitely not alone in that. We all come here looking for relief from the pain that overwhelms us when we have lost our best friend. What helps is realizing we are not suffering alone. Even though we feel this disaster just happened to us, we quickly realize by looking around this forum and reading the different stories..that...this disaster has happened to all here.

Knowing others know exactly how you feel because they are there, have been there, and some are going there again soon....it helps to realize that.

One here said after a loss: The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

We know that to be true. We get through the pain by remembering the years of joy. I lost my last one in September after 16 1/2 years. I had 16 years and 4 months of a healthy, happy boy..and 2 months of worry and then loss. I would never trade having him all those good years..to avoid the pain that will come when the loss arrives.

Why we lose them, we will never know. The closest I come to understanding in a nice way is to think that we lose them so many of us will open our hearts and homes to the thousands who are waiting for a home, waiting to be needed, waiting to be loved...and if I did not lose my friend...they would still be waiting. But each time, in my lifetime, whether it is a dog or a cat, when they left me...I miss the hugging of them, I miss looking into those eyes of a beautiful soul who cannot speak with words but whose eyes follow us everywhere. True, when we are sick, they never leave our side...that's all a part of the unconditional love they give us.

What you went through is a horrible memory and when it appears in your mind...you have to push it away and remember a good memory of Raggs that will make you smile. I am glad you had him for the years you did and if I could work miracles..none of us would ever lose any of our best friends..but that's not life.

Life is unfair. Life is cruel. But then we should remember that Life also gave us our best friends for all the time they were allowed to be with us. We cry until we are exhausted...then we cry again..and again...until we are too exhausted to cry. Everything seems so empty all around us. and that is because it is empty now.

We take baby steps toward healing because it becomes physically exhausting to grieve constantly. At first, it all happens so spontaneously...but then after a while...we realize grieving does not make us feel better because we realize grieving will not bring back our loss.

I surround myself with pictures of my precious ones so every room I go into...I can look into their eyes and remember the bond we will always have. But after a time, I needed the physical touch and so I adopted one from the local SPCA and for me, this provides the distraction I need, this helps fill the emptiness, and so I am bonding with another soul who needed a home and needed to be loved. One who will never be starved or abused or neglected in any way because he now has a home. He is not a replacement because that is impossible but his affection helps me in many ways.

You might want to read the story in this Section posted by Havana...it is about a man and his best friend..Jorge and Buster...I think you will read many of your feelings in what he is going through since he lost his best friend a few short weeks ago..so you can see what I mean about people here understanding exactly what you are going through and that you are not going through all that pain alone.

We try to feel better by talking about our special ones, posting pictures if we have them, telling stories that make us smile because they are of the good happy healthy memories we shared with them. Some here write in their topic a special letter to their friend, saying everything they can think of they would like to say..if only they could say it in person again. We share the pain everyday by listening to one another and many times typing through tears as we read about someone's pain and relive it inside ourselves.

Yes, to answer your question...there is someone here....there are many here who care and are listening.

All we can give here is a cyberhug....but it is always given sincerely because what we share here comes from the heart.

So here is one for you today and everyday

It is okay to post your thoughts and your feelings....it is in the responses that we are able to "touch" one another and, if we are lucky, someone feels better from reading something we said.

Thankyou...

Remembering the good times/memories only brings me to tears...I cant bear to look at any photographs yet...I hope someday that tears wont be involved, and its just a smile.

Yes, browsing the forum and reading peoples stories before my first post...I know that their are people out their feeling the same or similar feelings...I hope that one day i can come on this forum and be able to write an inspiring post for someone like you've just done me...

Thankyou for your words 'LoveThem'...

Their isn't anyone around my place to give me those words.
Those 'leading' words.

Yeah, hopefully this topic will allow me to...'get out' everything.

I will keep posting.
Thankyou.

I am so sorry for your loss of Raggs. I know how you feel. My dog Skipper died in her sleep last night and was almost 17. The pain is intense and we all feel it. Know that you are not alone and that all of us here understand how you feel. Raggs sounds like a very special baby. Do you have a picture you would like to share?

I know you don't believe it, but this does get better with time. I lost my Scottie three years ago - I still miss her daily but the raw pain has subsided and has been replaced by good memories.

Hoping you find peace...

I am so sorry to hear Raggs has passed away. The raw emotion you describe is well known and understood by me as well as all that find their way to this site.

The intense pain you are feeling not only is NORMAL....but needed. If you felt nothing at all I would think something was terribly wrong. I promise you with time and patience you will find peace in your heart. Though Raggs body has perished, his loving soul will never die. His and your heart became one long ago when you were just 7 years old. The two of you grew up together and knew each other well. Since you both were children when you got him, you and he learned many important things about life throughout all your years right into adulthood. You have told a marvelous love story about yourself and Raggs.

The memories you and Raggs made together over the last 15 years is the gift he left you when he passed away. A love such as yours does not ever diminish. Over time the anxiety you are feeling will.

When my Goliath passed away so suddenly this last November I thought I'd never be able to function in a normal way again. I felt as though I died right along with him and prayed that I would. I kept telling myself it all was just a bad dream only to find I was in a living nightmare. It took me two months before I found this site and it was then I was able to find my way back to finding hope, inspiration, and encouragment to go on. I also came to realize that Goliath never left my side. His gentle and loving spirit is with me always. Your Raggs is with you too.

Post pictures when you are ready and share more about Raggs and the loving life the two of you made together. Come often to LS, even if you chose not to post. Read others stories and know you are not alone. Together we all walk down that sad road of grief, picking up the pieces of our broken hearts along the way.

Much love to you with hugs of comfort,
Beth

Thankyou Nanpacific55 and Goliath, your words bring me to tears...

I found this forum merely because i was at my wits end..Still am. I just needed to hear someone out their...anyone...So thankyou all.

Nanpacific55...I'm sorry to hear about Skipper, really...

I just hope that...I find some kind of 'peace' soon because...I really cant take much more of this.

Their are photographs of the two of us all over the house...I just can't look at them right now and yet i cant take them down...I dont want to take them down.
I will gladly share some pictures of my bud as soon as i...feel comfortable or 'peaceful' i guess.

Hi, yes, am so very sorry for your loss too and believe me the last thing in the world I want in this my darkest days is to see someone suffering as much as I am in this days. You like me had lost the most important thing in this world and still can not believe that my Son Buster is really gone for ever....."had to paused for a few seconds, lost it again" the only thing I have left are my memories of him some videos and lots of pics. To me life is not fear anymore we Buster and I lived such long time together and at the end everything went down so fast that it is so unbelieveble still since we were all alone for a long time, 11 years and now I am the way I never wanted to be. The worst part of all is when I go to sleep and he is not by my side anymore and really hate the flash-back of when he was dying in my arms and when it happens I have to seat down fast on the bed or just walk away from it, I knew this will kill me as it did but I thought I can not and I will not leave him alone in his last minutes. Thank you for reading my posts as you said you did and wish you the best in the world and at the same time I wish I could say or do something to eliminate your pain and suffering but I can't cause am feeling the same way you do and my life is very empty right now, you can contact me anytime at any day I will be here for you too like many others were here for me when I needed it the most even though not to much lately, thanks again, Blessings always Buster and Jorge

Jorge and Buster,

Thankyou, as i said reading your story touched me...And in a way, it comforted me knowing that i wasnt alone.
Buster looks like such a loving, caring, beautiful friend...

I too refused to leave my best friend alone in his last minutes...and yes, the flashbacks are haunting...Its now 2:50am here and i'm scared to sleep because i know what will come to me...

The same goes for you Jorge, contact me anytime, any day ok.

First let me tell you there are so many people here for you!!!!!! They were here for me. My loss of Sissy just being 36 days ago. There are many ups and downs to your grief. Everyone's lasts a different amount of time. Yes, most of us here have been in your position before. Just know your Raggs was proud to have been your pet. Sometime we have to make decisions which we know are best, but are so very hard to make and understand.
One day you will be able to look at pictures and smile. When you are ready please post some stories. Would love to hear them!!!
You had many wonderful years together and probably made many great memories. No one can take those away from you.

Many many Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i understand how you feel, i really do.
i just lost my best friend too.
*hugs tight* i don't know if i can offer any comfort, hurting as bad as i am too, but i can let you know you are not the only one feeling this way.
what i am hoping for myself is that i will start being able to be happy that i had her.
maybe we both can be happy that we had friends that wonderful and caring.
maybe someday we will be with them again, you with raggs and me with my blackfoot.
or maybe the best thing we can do is be the best people we can be, who they would be proud of. it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do, keeping going each day, but when i think of how proud my best friend is going to be of me when i do what i've wanted to do and what she inspired me to be.
i don't know if this helped at all.... i'm sorry if it didn't, but i'm always willing to listen. and i always have hugs to offer.
~demi

You lost a friend that started in childhood, so it is as bad as it can get, because you feel your childhood died with your friend.

Just remember that in order for us to be good friends to them, we HAVE to outlive them so we can be there for them their entire lives.

We have had so many cat and dog friends over the years that when it is time to lose them, we think of when they arrived in our lives and how young and healthy we were when they came, and that adds more pain.

This is one of the few things in Life that we collect all the joys and rewards from every day, and then one day, we pay for it all at once when the terrible bill comes due.

I do not think I can say anything that will make you happy, except that the pain may not get better but it will get different. You will be able someday to look back at all the joy, and even smile, despite being sad.

Just remember that your friend paid you in advance all those years, and would not want you to suffer, either.

Justme,
So sorry to hear about the loss of your best friend, Raggs. How wonderful that you two had 15 years together, however, I know that wasn't long enough. I really can't say anything ....Lovethem, Goliath, Jorge, as well as the others on this site, express our pain and sadness so well. My heart goes out to you. I lost my baby girl, Zoe, a precious 2 year old westie, to a tragic accident of her getting hit by a car, a month ago today. It is still very hard for me to be a functional person in society. The emptiness I feel is the same as I day I lost her. I talk to my husband and friends, all the time about her, it really helps. I am able to look at Zoe's pictures and smile, but cry at the same time. I know you feel lost. You are not alone.
There are many of us who are going through the same emotional storm.
Raggs is now in you heart ...she will always be with you.
That is what I am holding to now.
Please feel free to tell stories or write something to Raggs.
Much love and support during this difficult time.
Deanna

sissycat, demi,
Thankyou, your words did comfort me, i really appreciate it. I've read both of your stories and i am so sorry.

Jon730, your right...I guess i do feel my childhood died with my best friend...Every memory i have from the age of 7 to 22, he was their. Even when i wasnt here at home and in class or simply at the store..I knew he was here waiting for me to get back...
I dont know a life without him, i'm terrified of a life without him...

Deanne, Your right, it was never long enough. I'm glad talking to your friends and husband helps you. Reading your story brought me to tears, just like everyone's story on here. But in a way..Those stories give me company, so if anything...Thankyou.

ugh' today was a bad day...I woke at 4:30am, after going to bed at 3:00am. From the second i opened my eyes an overwhelming sense emptiness and anxiety took me over. I jumped out of bed, fully awake...No drowsiness, no slowly coming too...It like i wasnt even asleep. I know my body is exausted, i just cant feel it...
The rest of the day was filled with tears and anxious pacing around the house...

I've got finals next week...I just dont know what to do..

LoveThem, no it doesnt sound crazy and your right...I would be studying at home. I would always sit with him in the garden or play fetch during my breaks...They always surved as a welcome joyous distraction...

to be honest...A big part of me just...doesnt care about the finals...I just know that i've got them next week...Thats it, no other feelings.
I know my parents would be proud if i aced them but..That too isn't really enough anymore.

I find it hard holding it together walking to the store, so an exam hall...

I will try my hardest to look at some photographs tommorow...Part of me wants too because i miss him so much but at the same time...I know what will happen, and like i said..I cant take much more.

Its ok you've run out of words...Everything you've said has, and no-doubt will contine to comfort me as i read your posts over and over again...I could never of found words such as yours where i am.

According to the rest of my family...Their is a time limit on emotions. This has hit me head on and left me in pieces while everyone else...i dont know...I just feel like i'm starting to annoy everyone now with my crying. So i do it alone now..With the occasional break down in front of everyone.
But like you said, everyone grieves in their own way so...ugh' i just dont know.

To be honest, my grandparents died when i was 5 or 6..I cant remember them, my parents and sister are still here and i dont speak to anyone else in my family apart from my immediates so...This is my first major loss, my best friend and member of the family..

Credit to you for openeing you heart to a number of special friends...I couldnt cope with feeling the loss over and over...
Your belief does comfort me...That if they were not taken, not all of us would give a home to another...

I have a question but i'm not sure how to phrase it...I know nobody will know for sure but...
A brave face with dogs when they are in pain?...
I mean...If my Raggs had felt pain during the early hours of Sunday morning before we took him to the vets...Would he have shown it? Crying, yelping etc...
I know that only i have the best chance of answering that but..But i mean in general...All beloved pets...

I know with this question i am torturing myself but...I just want to know what people think...

Dogs are more trusting and may be more willing to show their pain than cats. Our Aussie Matilda had liver cancer, undetected. But she would, tired and sick as she was, beg us to throw sticks, and always put on a brave front.

Cats generally do not show much unless the pain is terrible. Even pain sometimes causes purring, which is misinterpreted. In Nature, a sick animal is often fair game for others or for predators, so there is a survival advantage to pretending everything is fine. Poor Miles purred till the last.

One survival strategy you should think of is your finals.
I run a business, and there were things I simply HAD to do, or I would not get paid. And while I found there were bad moments, throwing myself into the routine actaully was a healthy distraction. Your finals are forever...and you already HAVE your Friend forever, so you may as well give the finals a go, and throw yourself intpo them and focus as best you can. You may find yourself feeling a little better for an hour or so at a time. Sure, take Grief Breaks when needed..I had to. But weeks later, yu will start (start) healing, and the finals will be behind you, and you will wonder how you ever did it and all. But it is always faster healing when you look back and tell yourself, "I was devastated, but at least I wasn't totally useless!!"

Thnkyou Jon730. That helped me understand a little more..

And your right, my finals are forever...I just need to find the strength.

Well today is exactly one week since my Raggs passed. It was so hard....
I keep having flashbacks by looking at the time and thinking about what was happeneing this time last Sunday.

I went out for a walk, not being able to stay at home any longer. I was walking back up my street when i could see that the neighbours dog, who is very highly strung and barks aggressively at anyone or anything walking by, was laying on the green opposite my house. I knew he would start barking at me, like he has so many times before, as i made my way closer to home and the green. Sure enough he caught sight of me and started barking. He then stood up and started rushing towards me, still barking. I thought 'ugh' no i dont need this'...As soon as he got up to me, he stopped barking, laid down at my feet with his head on the floor and looked up at me...Just like my Raggs would do. I was reluctant to stroke him but i kneeled and began to anyway, at which time my neighbour appeared looking somewhat shocked. He walked over and said 'wow thats unusual, he is very protective of my wife and i and only lets us pet him'...Something of which i already knew...I was shocked too.

All evening i have thought about that, trying my best to believe in something...positive...But it just makes my heart even heavier

Another way of looking at it is that even a dog who DID NOT LIKE you recognized your grief and offered comfort!

Instead , perhaps consider he was just relaying a message from Raggs on the Dog Channel, and try to smile briefly about it.

"Hey, Brother Dog.
Do me a favour and tell Justme I am fine, I miss him and will see him again!
NOW you can bite him, if you want to..I'll understand!"