Hello everyone,

I came across your forum while researching the topic of coping with the death of a pet. It's a topic I've been trying to familiarize myself with for quite some time now, as our doberman, Deuce, has been afflicted with a number of maladies over the past couple of years: Addison's Disease, a heart condition... and most recently, a neurological disorder that has caused him to lose the reflexes in his hind legs. Sadly, at his age (approximately 9-10) and with his other problems, he's not a candidate for any additional surgeries or intense treatments; and after taking a turn for the worse this week, we've accepted that it's time to let him go. Deuce is being put to sleep tomorrow at 5:45.

Naturally, I'd always been wary of making this decision. I didn't want to make it too soon, while he may still have had some enjoyable time left; nor did I want to wait too long and reach the point where he was simply being kept alive without truly LIVING. Friends and vets alike had told me that "he'll let you know when it's time." I honestly feel like he's done just that. This week, he's been unable to stand on his own. He's clearly in pain, and he snapped at me last night when I tried to help him up--the first time he's ever snapped at anyone. I've had to carry him up and down the stairs, (not an easy chore with an 80 lb. dog, and he never liked being lifted even when he was healthy) and he just whines whenever he's left alone for more than a few moments at a time. He's not himself at all, and I see things only getting worse if we wait any longer.

We thought we were losing him 3 weeks ago, when he first showed signs of collapsing. I took him to his vet, who suspected that he was experiencing a heart problem and ordered overnight observation at an emergency facility. We feared that he wouldn't make it out of that facility. Instead, the next day, he showed considerable improvement! He was back home, eating, and even playing with toys. However, that was when we accepted that his long-term prognosis wasn't good at all, nor would it likely BE very long. Whatever was causing his loss of mobility was likely a spinal or brain condition, which would require a barrage of MRIs and risky surgery simply to diagnose--and we just can't subject him to that, let alone afford it. After conferring with Deuce's vet, we basically decided that we'd just try to make him as comfortable as possible in the coming days/weeks--and the next time he took a turn for the worse, we'd likely have to put him down. That's where we are now.

We're dreading what's about to be done in less than 24 hours, but anxious to get it over with at the same time.

We have 3 other dogs, besides Deuce. Ironically, he's not even the oldest. But I suppose being the biggest, and being a pure bred, he's just been prone to more problems. He's always faced them with the utmost stoicism, too. His vets were always amazed at how stoic he's been throughout it all. But needless to say, despite all the preparation I've tried to do for tomorrow, it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks when he's actually gone.

To this point, I've actually held up pretty well. I've accepted that it's the right decision at the right time. That became clear to me when I realized that hearing Deuce's crying and knowing that we could no longer do anything to help him was harder than the thought of losing him. I keep telling myself that this needs to be done; that this is the best thing I can do for my friend to ease his suffering. Those thoughts seem to help; but then I'll see something as simple as a favorite squeaky toy and realize that he'll never play with that again--and that's when I feel overcome with emotion.

I guess I just wanted to write in the hopes of hearing from those who've been through this experience before. Reading some of your stories throughout this forum has already helped a great deal.

It has also been a tremendously tough month on us. In addition to Deuce's problems, we learned that a close family friend committed suicide 2 weeks ago (a week after her 21st birthday), and on the very same day, another friend suffered a miscarriage. I almost feel like Deuce was somehow preparing us for both that grief as well as what we're about to go through tomorrow. After spending that night at the emergency vet, we were given this opportunity to spend more time with him and to prepare as much as possible for the inevitable. As difficult as it is, I have to think it's much easier this way--as opposed to losing a pet unexpectedly.

Any positive vibes you can send will be much appreciated... especially tomorrow around 5:45, as it certainly won't be much of a "happy hour."

Hi,
I am also new to this site. i was looking on the internet for some comfort. My dog Buddy was put to sleep last Wed, Oct, 15th. I am his mom and treated him like one of my kids. We were solemates. I adored him and constantly worried about the day we would lose him. It is inevitable I guess but we were so close I never accepted that it could really happen. At first, because i knew he was so ill and suffering after 48 hours of intensive care at our vets with no improvement-we had to let our sweet, wonderful, friend and baby go. I did not want it to happen but we knew it was the only thing to do. There was NO WAY we wanted our dog to suffer another minute. Last night a lady named Ann responded to my first comments on this forum. Up until then I had been a complete mess, crying and second guessing our decision. She also had lost a pet and having been thru it, she was quite profound in her comments. She told me that we are right to make the decision to let our dog go. They are in pain and are suffering so there is no question that we have to take care of them even if it means we lose them. We do this out of unselfish love. Then, they are gone and we grieve. I am consumed with grief. We realize that they are really gone and want them back. Did we do the right thing?? What have we done?? How could we do this to something we loved so much? We look at Buddy's toys, bowls, blanket and just burst into tears. Ann and others told me this was normal, but it did not help. Then she said something that really hit home and today I can actually function. She call's it the head and heart battle. You know in your head that this is right, but your heart still can't accept it. We want them back but realistically we know it was time to let them go. It's a battle we have to deal with as you will. But I think it help me deal with my enormous GUILT and REGRET. Our dog was a beautiful soft coated wheaton terrior and he was and always be in my heart. On the Friday, we went to our cottage to celebrate our Canadian thksgiving-we stopped to buy vegetables at a nearby farm and Buddy was running and barking at the cows nearby. We left our cottage on Sunday because we just knew he was not feeling well. By the time we got him to our vet-they admitted him and did extensive tests-pancreatitis and renal failure. SO FAST! From your story, you too have given your dog a great and deserving life of love. Keep these thoughts with you.
Deb

Hi Deb,

Thanks for your kind words and for sharing Buddy's story. I'm very sorry that you've lost such a wonderful friend, but am sure that he'll remain in your heart forever. There's a terrific quote from Thomas Campbell that I like to recall during times like these: "To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." That most certainly applies to our pets, as well.

This is exactly why I came to this site--your reply has already begun to help. The "head and heart battle" describes the process perfectly, and we'll have to remember to focus on that during the toughest moments.

Tonight is Deuce's last night with us, so it's especially difficult. I find that I'm conscious of every little thing now... When I carry him up to bed in a few moments, I'll think "this is the last time I'll be doing this..." When we wake up tomorrow morning, I'll think "this is the last morning I'll wake up to his face..." And then there'll be the last meal, the last treat, etc. etc. etc.--it's just heartbreaking when we focus on the void he's about to leave. But as you pointed out, these are the natural occurrences during grieving. I just have to continue to remember WHY we're doing this--for Deuce. He's in pain, and he's not happy living this way. He doesn't want to live like an invalid, while watching our other dogs continue to thrive and do the things he'll never be able to do again. As much as losing him hurts us, relieving his pain is now of the utmost importance.

I know that in time, this painful void will heal--and we'll once again be able to smile and laugh at the countless wonderful memories he's blessed us with. The same holds true for your family with Buddy.

Deuce is a beautiful boy and I have been through the pain you are facing.

I had to make the decision to euthanize my 17 year old dog Merlin over two years ago. I kept wishing he would just peacefully go in his sleep, but like you I knew when he reached a stage where he was just too uncomfortable. He could no longer settle, he would yelp when I touched his stomach. He would just pace continuously and he had lost all bowel control. I spent many, many months caretaking him, but when he reached a stage of being continuously distraught, I made the decision you have made.

Although I cried a lot at first, and this boy was my longest lifelong partner, his passing was easier to accept than others I've recently been going through. His body was no longer functioning. This is no-one's fault, and nature is saying that it's time to let his physical body go. Although it was the most painful decision I've made in my life, I did not look back and regret my choice... I knew it was time. I did and do have peace with this.

Painfully, I think we may soon be looking at a similar decision for our oldest dog Rosie, who is almost 17 years old. She doesn't have much bowel control and her back legs give out on her. She falls down and can't get up then she barks for about half an hour before we go to sleep at night. She is still eating, and walking so we are not making the decision yet, but I know it could be anytime. I only met Rosie in 2005 when I met my husband. It will be harder on him because of all the memories. I have only known her as a "little old dog lady". But still I know that when she is gone there will be a huge void. She is a sweet pixie - a border collie with papillon style ears.

Thinking of you and wishing you much strength and peace in your decision.

Jan.

Thank you, Jan. That also sounds much like what Deuce has been going through. His back legs no longer have the strength to support him, and he's clearly frustrated, in a great deal of pain, and is simply exhausted from fighting this battle we cannot win. While he hasn't completely lost bladder and bowel control, I know that isn't far off and hope to spare him from that stage if at all possible. I can tell that he's uncomfortable and hates requiring assistance to go outside (after falling several times on his own, he's been reluctantly letting me support him while he goes. After which, I have to literally carry him back inside.)

Even on his worst days, he rarely had accidents in the house, and when he did, he looked so completely ashamed--it broke our hearts. It was like he genuinely regretted putting us to any trouble cleaning up. I know it would distress him even more if and when it came to that, and he's made it very clear that he's just so tired of feeling miserable. I'm just hoping that tomorrow will be a brighter day for him--just to enjoy a few more precious hours together; loading him up with lots of treats that he wouldn't ordinarily get to eat, and then going peacefully and painlessly--surrounded by his favorite vets and with mommy and daddy holding him tightly.

Hi dobermandad--------You have found the right place for your pain-------We all ache for you-----God bless your beautiful baby boy-------My boy passed on sept-3----No words to describe........We are all here for you..............
Bubba...........

I am so sorry about Deuce. It is very hard no matter what the causes. You were blessed to have had him in your life and to be able to prepare to say goodbye(or should I say see you later). You did the right thing. Many here have talked about the "quality of life" aspect. Deuce was ready. The emptiness will be hard at first, but time will lessen that. My thoughts and prayes are with you.. Hugs. Ann

Dearest Dobermandad, I am so very sorry. Deuce certainly is beautiful and it's easy to see all the love between you two. Please know that you and Deuce are in my thoughts and prayers and I wing many Angels your way for comfort and guidance through what must be just about the most gosh awful difficult time in your life.

Big Comforting Hugs, Love and Many Angels to You and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

My thoughts and prayers will be with you at 5:45 this evening. Freeing Deuce from his pain is no doubt the most unselfish gesture of love you will ever have given him. It takes alot of courage and love to make this kind of decision.

May the Lord be with you and your family as you say "goodbye for now" to Deuce. One day all of you will say "hello" once again.

Hugs of comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth

Dobermandad, Deuce sure has been a lucky dog to have such a loving family. Our animals really are amazing creatures. They ask for so little, and endure so much just to stay with us. I had a lab/whippet mix (Abby) who lived to be almost 17. Like you, I carried her up and down the stairs. She was always a leaper, and her legs became weak in her old age. They would collapse on her if she turned to quickly. I'd rush to pick her back up. She endured many health issues, and was a survivor of cancer. She still asked for her little stroll every morning, still ate well etc. Then one day we were on our stroll, and her legs gave out. She just looked up at me and I knew it was time.

I then lost my lab Lizzy to cancer last Oct. An incredibly strong dog who played hard her entire 9 1/2 yrs. The cancer came quickly and was quite a shock. She lived a few more months after the diagnosis. She still played every single day. But one night it was obvious the cancer spread and she was in distress. The next morning I told her we were going to see the dr. to take away her pain. During the procedure I told her "no more pain Liz" and of course how much I loved her.

I will be thinking of you, Deuce and your family today.

I want to thank you all for your responses--it has been a tremendous help. Deuce is "sleeping in" this morning, (and this afternoon, as it were) as we've taken the day off work and are just trying to lounge with him until it's time to go. He didn't sleep well overnight (nor did we as a result) but seems to be more comfortable today, thankfully.

I've been trying to visualize how we'll feel when it's over with, and we're driving home from the vet without him... focusing on the positive parts of this and trying to feel good about relieving him of this pain, rather than the obvious fact that we're just going to miss having him around like I can't imagine.

Hi Dobermandad,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this most difficult time. All of here feel and understand your pain during this difficult time. Our furkids give us so much unconditional love that it seems to hurt so much more when they leave us. But as you said in your quote and as I have always believed, they live forever in our hearts. This is why when I miss my Fleetwood the most I draw from within and can almost hear him purring in my ear again.

You and your family have made the right decision please do not second guess this because it will only add to the pain. Deuce knows you love him and knows you are doing the best for him. For that he will always be grateful to you. Cherish the many memories and don’t dwell on these last days, Deuce would not want that for you. When the time comes, hold him tight and when he leaves don’t say good-bye because from time to time he will come around to check on you to make sure you are doing OK.

I will be thinking about you and your family through out the day. We’re here for you so make sure to let us know how you all are doing, together we will all carry the pain with you.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

Hi, Dobermandad, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in what you are facing in the next few minutes. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our furkids - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they may go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. Anticipatory grief is hard because you know your time together is limited but you still have your beloved Deuce still physically with you sharing your life. Euthanasia is comparable to stopping life support for a human family member or friend, and the grief journey after a loss takes on a different dimension. The "good" news is that you are not alone in this new phase of loss, dobermandad. We will be here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

As 5:45 approaches, I wanted you to know my thoughts and prayers are still with you and Deuce, as well as your loving family.

May you be blessed in the comfort of our Lord as Deuce leaves this world for another. God's loving hands will be receiving Deuce's loving spirit soon and keep him well until you and he meet one day in a place where there is no end.

Much love and comforting hugs from my heart to yours,
Beth

Dearest Dobermandad, I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now.



Please know that you and your fur boy Deuce are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many Angels to you both.

I thought it may help if I told you a little about one of my doggies named Maiden but I'm not too certain so I'll wait. I have a dog now named Buddy that I rescued about 8 years ago and he's so very dear to me. I've got a cat named Styx, too. Before Buddy dog there was Trader dog and before Trader dog was Maiden dog and ... Well, I'm just gonna confess to you. I'm sitting here talking with you as tears stream down my cheeks because I've been where you are and my heart is practically literally breaking for you, Dear One. I can feel it again through you.

Please know that we all understand here at LS and it's through caring and sharing that gets us through these gosh awful difficult times. To me, they're about the most gosh awful terrible times of in our lives bar none. Okay, that's not any comfort at all to you and I'm so sorry. So very sorry. What I'm trying to say is that I realize it may be so very hard for you to even see your key pad or PC monitor through your tears. However, sharing and caring leads to healing. And it takes time. For some or many, it takes lots and lots of time and we'll still be here.

Again, please know you are in my most urgent thoughts and prayers. Do take your time.
We're all here for you when you're ready, Dear One.

Tight Comforting Hugs and winging Many Angels to you and Deuce for Love and Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dobermandad---------I have had to make that trip to the vet more times than I care to remember.I grieve with you.You will get help from many people here at LS.Probably the most reasearched and well thoughtout book I have read on the likeliness of reunion with our pets in the next conciousness is a book entitled 'Cold Noses At The Pearly Gates' authored by Gary Kurz.I t has brought me great comfort and reassurance in the recent loss of my boy Willy.God bless baby Deuce.Remember tomorrow morning you are one day closer to being with Deuce forever.See you at the BRIDGE,

Bubba.............

Thank you ALL for your wonderful support throughout this ordeal--it has meant a lot and has helped more than you probably know.

We took Deuce in at 5:45 as scheduled, and his face actually seemed to light up when he saw his favorite vet techs--he knew exactly where he was and that the pain would be over soon. For some reason, that immediately lifted my spirits a bit; and I became much more comfortable as we entered the building and I remembered how the entire vet staff loves Deuce and has cared so much for him over the years. This allowed me to focus on the RELIEF aspect of this decision, rather than merely the sadness of losing my dear friend.

We sat on the floor with him; my wife cradled his head and I lay down so I could be face-to-face with him throughout it. At one point after the doctor administered the drugs, he let out the most relaxed, peaceful-sounding sigh you could imagine--it was literally like all the pain had just been washed away at that very instant, as I'm sure it literally had. It was the kind of sound you'd make after working an exhausting shift and finally collapsing into the most comfortable bed imaginable. He lay perfectly still the entire time--completely calm and quiet--until he simply stopped breathing. It really was just a matter of seconds. The vet was wonderful, too--she was so gentle with him (and us) and kept talking to us throughout the procedure, reminding us that Deuce wasn't in any pain and knew that he was surrounded by love right to the very end. It made such a difference.

It obviously hasn't sunk in yet that he's really gone, and I'm sure it will hit us like a ton of bricks in the coming days and weeks. But for right now, I'm grateful just for knowing that Deuce has left us peacefully and is no longer in that awful pain. He's in a much better place, and certainly will always remain in our hearts.

I've attached a small graphic I've been working on this evening... a little tribute to Deuce (and something to occupy my mind, as sleep doesn't seem to be an option just yet...)

Many thanks to you all!

Richard

Dearest Richard and your Lovely Wife, I'm very relieved to hear all went so well. What a Beautiful graphic you made in Tribute and Loving Memory to your fur boy Deuce, too. Truly awesome. I'm sure he sees it right now, feels so happy, proud and loves you and your wife so much! I prepared a little something too and wanted to wait to post it until after you came back and talked about how everything went. It's not much as I don't really do graphics at all but try with what I know how to do. Still, it's sort of a virtual "Candle Light Memorial" and I hope you, your wife and Deuce like it.











Richard, please do keep us posted when you're able. Like you said, it may hit you later like a ton of bricks and we're here for you. Or, you can even come here to talk with Deuce. I come here lots and lots to talk with my Alex and find it very comforting to bring him images, songs and videos he loved so much and ones that I'm sure he would love to hear. I'm sure he does hear them, too. You bet. So, please keep in touch when you're able and when you feel up to it.

Comforting Hugs, Love and Peace to You, Your Lovely Wife and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie, thank you so much for your kind words and tribute to our special boy! It genuinely brightened my day.

I truly appreciate the folks on this forum who have opened their hearts and shared their painful experiences--it really has helped both prepare us and sustain us throughout this ordeal. I definitely plan to continue here, as this grief will undoubtedly be an evolving process. At some point, I hope to be able to help others as much as those here have helped me already.

Bless you all!

Richard

You're very welcome, Richard. We do hope to hear from you soon. As I said before, do take all the time in the world. We'll still be here.
I pray that you and your dear wife are doing all right at this time and will continue to be okay. It sure does make a huge difference when one has such a loving Vet and Vet Techs. I know it's made a world of difference for me and so many others who have been where you are.

Bless You, Your Dear Wife and Fur Boy Deuce with Love and Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox