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KateB
40 years old
Female
Texas
Born Sep-21-1983
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Joined: 16-February 12
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Last Seen: 20th March 2012 - 09:47 PM
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KateB

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17 Feb 2012
My dear sweet baby girl, Athena, has had a lot of medical problems. They started at nine months old and as she got older more were added constantly. I, unfortunately, put her down on Saturday and am having such a hard time dealing with loosing her. I know that I did the right thing on Saturday, she was in terrible pain and surgery was not a good option for her. I am a grad student, and have worked as a vet tech for multiple years, I tried to keep up with her illnesses the best I could. But I feel that I didn't do enough. There was never enough money, the clinic I worked at was so good at helping me with discounts and offering to do several procedures for free, but she had so much going on. I feel so guilty for taking her to the vet to put her down. I swear she cried. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I keep looking back at the past few weeks and wondering what I could have done differently so that she might still be with me. I have another dog, Kallista, and she too is grieving which breaks my heart even more to know that she is hurting too. I know that I need to get back into my routine for Kallista and for me, but I have no will to. All I want to do is cry, someone looks at me and I cry, I broke down in the middle of class yesterday I couldn't help it. I can't stop thinking about her and how much she meant to me and how I let her down. I love Kallista so much, but Athena and I had a bond that I cannot describe. She knew me so well, she knew what I was feeling before I even did sometimes. She was my four legged furry soul mate.

How do I move on? I feel so crushed. I have one more semester of classes left and really need to find a way to pull it together to get through this, but I know that I need to leave myself time to grieve. How do I start to feel 'normal' again? how do I stop crying? How can I stop blaming myself?
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