IPB

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Profile
Personal Photo
Options
Options
Personal Statement
Beaglegirl doesn't have a personal statement currently.
Personal Info
Beaglegirl
Age Unknown
Gender Not Set
Location Unknown
Birthday Unknown
Interests
No Information
Statistics
Joined: 4-March 07
Profile Views: 3,802*
Last Seen: 20th May 2008 - 06:31 PM
Local Time: Mar 28 2024, 02:09 PM
62 posts (0 per day)
Contact Information
AIM No Information
Yahoo No Information
ICQ No Information
MSN No Information
* Profile views updated each hour

Beaglegirl

Pet Lovers


Topics
Posts
Comments
Friends
My Content
19 Apr 2008
My video tribute to my friend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDFveKZ4Mdw

There is a section to the upper right that details the video description. -by clicking on (more info)
It took me two months to make the video. I just couldn't get through it and looking at pictures without crying, but I finally got it done.
8 Feb 2008
I joined this forum last year because I was having difficulty dealing with the loss of my poodle Boo.
She died at an emergency hospital before I could get there to say goodbye.
Today with Tuff it was different. I took his favorite blanket, and his favorite toy.
He hadn't eaten more than 3-4 tablespoons a day for about a week, and for the past 24 hours he has suffered nausea and dry heaves with drool.
He was diagnosed 2 years ago with chronic renal failure after some routine labs showed some elevated kidney enzymes that got very slowly worse over time.
I did the special diet, got him a water fountain, and towards the end poked him twice daily with subcutaneous fluids.
The day before he passed I took him to work with me (I work at a veterinary hospital, it has its perks rolleyes.gif ) and he was with me all day. Except for his labs, he always behaved better when momma WASN'T in the room.
About a week ago he started to crash, and everything was tried to lower his enzymes. Nothing worked, and this morning when I got up to offer him water (he was making thirsty noises) he was so nauseous when he saw his water bowl he vomited on the bed.
He felt so bad, it was time. He couldn't go on not eating and vomiting and feeling miserable, and I didn't want to continue to poke him twice daily since the fluids didn't work for him.
I'm not saying it was easier with Tuff, but different than with Boo. I held him in my lap, and he was given a dose of anesthesia to put him to sleep. I held him while he fell fast asleep. So, he didn't even flinch when he was given the injection of the euthanasia solution. It was so fast and so peaceful, I held him several minutes before I realized he was gone.
The crying is coming in waves, sometimes I'm OK and halfway functional, and other times I'm deep chest sobbing. My ribs hurt because I've cried so much this week, especially the past few days, because I could see him declining.
He was my love bucket, fat boy (not really, just his brother looks anorexic compared to him) Tuff Love.
He went by many nicknames, because his heart was so big one name just wouldn't do.
He was a special baby, and I miss him. It is very unfair he was taken so young. But looking back, I had time to prepare for this day, if you can prepare for it.
Working at a vet I see owners go for weeks, have their pets lose half their body weight, and fight to keep the pet alive because they just can't let go.
I'm actually OK with the decision, it was a terribly hard one to do, but watching your pet wretch, watching thier blood values go terribly off the chart, and knowing he would never have a good day ever again tore at my heart. I just couldn't put him through any more suffering.
I tried not to cry when he was put down, but I did anyway. I did manage to hold in the big sobs. I didn't want his last memory to be of me upset. I think it is important to be strong for them when they need you, and he needed me to help him not feel so sick anymore.
I'm glad I found this site a year ago. I check in periodically, and it is nice to know there is support when you need it.
25 Mar 2007
I didn't get to tell Boo Goodbye, so making a video helped my healing process.
It is OH, so SLOW, but I think getting this all out has helped.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lR9kTRm2_Ok

It was just a way of me telling her goodbye...
7 Mar 2007
Today, I just didn't want to be sad. I cried for Boo this morning when I made that "random" post of the death forum.

Then, my lab dropped a ball in my lap. The sun was shining on crisp new snow.
We went outside. It was great!

Let me share my old lab with you! He is a puppy at heart! I just love him so!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvIhvhE__PU
7 Mar 2007
This is my second post, as I've just read the post on pets "visiting" their departed families. These are just some thoughts I had on my mind, and I wanted to share them. Sorry if I seem to ramble, they are just various thoughts I wanted to get out, so they are random.

As to folks witnessing their deceased pets, I do not discount these folks visions. I've never had a deceased pet visit me, but I really can't say what others have or have not experienced. I do not discount their experiences.

Everyone has different pathways to the departed. I've chosen not to pick a pathway, I don't want communication with the dead. But that is just me, the path I'm sure is there, whether we USE it depends on us.

My beloved Boo is in heaven. I'm so sure, because heaven wouldn't be complete without her.

When I was a child I was told by a minister that animals don't have souls. Neither do angels. So, as a childs mind would act, I just figured our pets were angels.

Angels exist, here on earth and in heaven. Think about it, so pets can exist here and in heaven.
They don't live as long as we do on earth, because they have other stuff to do in heaven. Not more important stuff, just other stuff. Funny how this child like thought carried through into my adult life. We think we are caring for our pets, but the reverse is true.

God gave us animals to be stewards too. We can eat some, we can use others, but for every animal I think god wants us to respect them and treat them humanely. I'm probably not like some on this board, I like to eat chicken, and fish, and sometimes beef. But I want that animals time spent here on earth to be good. I want them treated humanely, and their end quick.
Pets, well, why do we have them? We don't eat them, they don't carry loads for us (like a beast of burden) they WHY do we have them?
Just another way God has given us to show love, is my theory. To LOVE something that can't talk to you or TELL you out loud that they love you back is amazing.
So, we can love a being who doesn't talk to us. I love god, and he doesn't talk to me, verbally. There is some kind of communication, I can't explain it, but then again, there is some communication with our animals too...Hummm.

So, no animal that dies just dies, they are like angels and just return to heaven.
That is one reason I can never understand animal cruelty, how could someone hurt and angel? But, since they are all forgiving, most abused animals forgive.

I never glimpse my Boo, I don't want to ever see her see me grieve. I don't ever want to have her see the severe pain I feel in my heart and the empty hole left when I lost her. No, I'm just convinced one day MANY years from now when I'm an old woman dying in my own comfortable bed, I'll be surrounded by angels, both my two and four legged friends.

Death, when expected, can be celebrated as much as a birth. It is a life event, a rite of passage. A past life can be celebrated, and a spirit is set free. I know Boo is no longer trapped by her earthly body, and even though she had happy times here on earth, somehow I don't think they can compare to the peace she has now.

If I could put in writing what I want to tell her it would be this:
I LOVED you Boo, you were perfect in my heart, In your last days if you were suffering I am so sorry please forgive me, I just didn't want you do die and leave me. I wanted the doctors to be able to heal you and make you well again, and if I was wrong putting you through that then please forgive me. It was my own selfishness wanting to keep you here longer with me. I was in denial that you would die, you had fought other things so hard, I didn't want you to give up.
I don't want you to think that when I left you at the emergency hospital that I was abandoning you. I only did it because it was the only thing that could have saved your life. But it wasn't to be, and when you passed I didn't hold you and I didn't tell you goodbye.
When the doctor was asking me if he should keep reviving you, and I told him no, please forgive me if I gave up on you too soon. Were you fighting to stay alive, or were you fighting to let go? This pain stays with me, but I need some closure Boo, I need to say goodbye to you.
So now I want to say it. I love you BOO, hugs and kisses forever and ever.
I love you! Goodbye Boo.

I'm sorry if I rambled, but if there was any way my Boo could hear me tell her goodbye I would tell her goodbye and have some peace. But I can't do that without disturbing her peace.
I think because I don't choose to use that "pathway" others have communicating with the dead is why I'm stuck. I just can't find a way to tell her goodbye.

Thanks for reading, it helped me get some feelings out. Amazing how cleansing it feels JUST to get it out someplace. I'm sorry if I rambled.
My other dogs are staring at me, they feel my pain. If I say "where is the baby" they all run to where her bed used to be, but they don't seem sad. Makes me wonder if they know something I don't.
I'm going to go play with the other dogs, and not grieve any more today. I just needed to get that out. Thanks.
Last Visitors


20 May 2008 - 6:29

Comments
Other users have left no comments for Beaglegirl.

Friends
There are no friends to display.
Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 01:09 PM