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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum _ Death and Dying Pet Support _ Just Lost My Kitty Chloe

Posted by: Beth_P Jun 24 2019, 11:16 PM

Hi everyone,
I just lost my Chloe this past Friday June 21st. She was almost 20 and my very best friend. She let me know she was ready and I got her to the vet and her passing was peaceful. I never possibly thought anything could hurt this bad.

The weekend was bad but today I felt a bit better so I went to the library as I needed to print some forms. I was fine until right when I finished. Then out of nowhere a particular memory from Friday hit me. And suddenly it felt like I was right back in that moment experiencing it for the first time. I started crying as discreetly as possible, put my sunglasses on so no one could see, and made it home where the crying and sadness were as bad as Friday. And then when I got my mail, there was a pet food coupon in it which absolutely killed me.

Has anyone else had that kind of thing happen while out in public? How did you handle it? And why do those memories just pop into my head without anything triggering them? Itâ€™s beyond horrifying. There are two specific memories in particular that I cannot get out of my head no matter what I do.

I also cannot stand to listen to any music thatâ€™s even remotely close to being sad. I had to mute my TV tonight at a car commercial because of the music. And the idea of looking at any photos of her is unbearable right now. I canâ€™t look at her little paw prints from the vet either.

Is all this normal? This was my first pet on my own as opposed to a family pet. I live alone too. So her passing is having a major impact on my entire life. Sorry this is so long. I havenâ€™t had anyone to talk to about this until now.

Posted by: LS Support Jun 24 2019, 11:58 PM

20 years is a long time to be with a companion animal. it would be an equally long time with a human as well.

while it may sound cliche, time does heal. you are going through completely normal emotions right now. grief from loss often manifests itself in unexpected waves, and you were hit by a large one today. there will be more large waves for a while. but they will get smaller and easier to swim through, with time. you'll soon be able to look at her photos and footprints and relive other memories, fond or otherwise, with less pain and with greater understanding. the time it takes will vary from person to person, don't ever think you've been grieving too long or too short. the grief will release when it's ready. condolences for your loss, i know it is difficult ðŸ’–

Posted by: moon_beam Jun 25 2019, 08:01 AM

Hi, Beth, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Chloe. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions so that they can be released from their frail, failing, painful physical bodies and restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Beth, as our Forum Administrator has so compassionately shared with you, this grief adjustment journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. Please let me add my reassurances to his that what you are experiencing is very normal deep grief. Unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process of make it automatically disappear. It cannot be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month - - this grief adjustment journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. And it doesn't matter if it's our first grief journey or our thousandth - - because each grief journey is uniquely painful.

I remember so very well being thankful for the privacy of the rest room at work where I could retreat to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk to resume my work. And at the end of the work day getting into my car with the floodgates of gut-wrenching sobbing breaking like a dam because I had needed to suppress my grief emotions all day in the office. Indeed, our grief can be triggered from a song, a memory, finding a toy, - - by anything and everything. The grief journey for a beloved companion is identical to the grief journey for a human family member or friend. Sadly, sometimes the people who are closest to us geographically and / or emotionally don't always understand this. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum exists - - as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts and on our minds without fear of rejection or judgment.

I wish to also reaffirm our Forum Administrator's encouragement to you that one day - - very likely when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Chloe and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will feel the warmth of your treasured memories once again. And you will know then that the love bond you and your beloved Chloe share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. You will be able to once again feel your beloved Chloe's sweet Living Spirit in your heart .

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, and encouragement as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Chloe with us, Beth. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: Mistletoe Jun 25 2019, 01:41 PM

Beth---

So sorry for your loss--She was with you for a long time--but--I have found that no matter how long or short the time---the feeling is always the same.
We were a multi-cat family---so I went through it many times. Our last one passed away, 2 years ago. Talk about human sadness, his buddy, Booger was so depressed, I had to get him another buddyâ€”he is now a happy cat.
I just recently went through, what you described, with our dog, Daisy. We had her for 9 years, but knew her for 2 years before she became a member of our family. She passed away the 25th of January.
It was a horrible time for me---and I still cry when I think of her.

â€œNot the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.â€

â€• John Galsworthy