Greeting to all you wonderful, special, lovely, fabulous people!

Sadly, you are here at this webiste because you suffer such pain and such loss that you feel you may lose your mind. Or at least, that is how it was from me.

My husband and I had a family with three furbabies, all of who died in 2003. Freyja the dog and Saki the cat died of old age disease within a couple of weeks of each other (and in hte middle my grandmother died). Electra was taken from us in December 2003.

In the worst throes of my grief, I honestly could not imagine that the pain would ever ever go away. I was at this website I think all day every day for a long time. Sharing my grief with others really did help me to heal. And so I encourage you to do that as much as you need. I am thankful everyday for Lightning strike, for the wonderful people who helped me survive what remains one of the worst experiences of my life.

I know that I will always miss Freyja, Saki and Electra until I am reunited with them on the bridge. Writing this message, I still cry because they were so wonderful and they are not here anymore.

But for those of you who are in the worst of it, I do want to offer you hope of healing. And some point, you do come to appreciate the wonderful life you shared with them and the love you shared. You appreciate it in a fond way, in a happy way. If you had to euthanize, at some point, you know that they forgave you and even were glad that you loved them so much that you were willing to take on that pain, so they would not suffer anymore. And you forgive yourself.

You may still cry, as I am doing now, but the pain comes less frequently, if not less intensely.

At some point, you become aware that your baby would hate that you have so much pain and would feel so badly to think that they were the cause. And you re-learn to smile and even laugh, bc goodness knows how they loved to hear you laugh. And you laugh again, and if you are lucky, love again.

I do know how it hurts. And truth is, you will probably never be the same person you were before this loss. But do have faith that you will survive and recover.

Love to you all.
--Jennifer

Jennifer thank you for the words of encouragement. Little less than 3 months will be a year for me. It helps to hear from people that have made it so many years. Gives us all a little hope that we can be saying the same things years from now.

Again thank you!!

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jennifer,

Thank you so much for the inspiration and hope you have brought through your message. There did come a time for me, though I can't remember exactly when, that my heart felt so much lighter and it was then I realized my Goliath would kick my booty from here to Heaven if he ever thought that all he left me was grief and sadness for the rest of my life. Of course the tears come from time to time because we miss having them around us so much. The beautiful memories we have of our special loved ones are the gifts they leave us to help sustain us through the rest of our days til we can meet with them again.

May you always be blessed with the sunshines of your life.......Freyja, Saki, and Electra.

Hugs of love,
Beth

Jennifer

You have helped many here through your wonderful words about Banshee. I lost my boy, Little Guy in September of 2007 so I know what that sweetheart meant to you.

Thanks for returning and keeping in touch. I'm glad this site helped you because you have given back a thousand-fold, believe me.

Hugs and Healing,
Judy

Hello Jennifer,

It's so good of you to drop by again to offer words of hope for everyone....and nice to 'see' an old, familiar 'face,' too!

Your words hit home so well:

No, of course we're never the same people we once were before our losses. We are all in constant flux to begin with, but a major loss make for major change, too. And then, would we really even want to be the same afterward? If we were, that would be akin to saying our beloved ones didn't make much of an impact on us....and naturally, that's why we're here -- because they did.

And it always warms the co ckles of my heart to know there are others, too, whose hearts never fail to carry the wholeness of their experience of their losses deep within, allowing for both the tenderness that is inclusive of pain and the richness of memories and introspection that led to growth from that pain, to sit side by side each other, no matter how much time has passed.

Remembering Freyja, Saki, Electra, you and your family with love.

Nissa & Sabin's Mom

You all are still so awesome!

Yes, I am Banshee's mom, too and Daphne's as well.

It was hard to lose two more cats, so (seemingly) soon after we lost all our first.

I am bitter about Banshee, still, and choose not to talk about it much. I probably should, to get over the anger phase, but, I always come back to the same dang thing "That's just NOT FAIR."

We currently have 3 dogs and two cats.

Oh, they are such joy! I try every day to laugh at and with them, to sing to them and to love on them. They are so special. Sweet Chata dog is the orphan. She never demands much. Hathor demands, but is not all over you. Buddy is in your face "let's make out" lover toucher I-must-be-on-you-whenever-I-can dog. Lovely, but he weighs 55 lbs!

Mai cat is another Siamese. Like Banshee, like Saki and absolutely nothing like them at all. She's her own cat. Banshee loved all people. Saki loved some people. Mai loves Tim and I ONLY (and the dogs).

On the other hand, Mai wants to KILL Velma. Actually, all non-humans want to kill Velma. She apparently has that"mess with me" vibe going on. No worries, she lives in the upstairs portion of our house. She gets doted on at night and gets to sleep with us. As long as there is a door between them, she and Mai are fine.

I love them so much. Only the people out on this board know how much I adore them. The day will come.... and I swear it just might kill me. But they add so much joy to my life. Every morning I laugh as I greet them. If they weren't here, I wouldn't start my morning with a laugh. And that's worth everything...

Isn't that just why we love them so!?!?

It is so worth it!!!!

HUgs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're right, Jennifer -- that love is worth EVERYTHING. There's nothing more important, ever.

I went back and read again all about your wonderful 'dog-cat', Banshee, too. Please forgive me for not mentioning her (or your other kids) too, before. My memory is still somewhat impaired since my Nissa's 'graduation day.' But yes, NOW I remember. Her illness was simply tragic.....of course, so many of them are, I think. But of course if you ever DO feel the need to 'get it out,' you know there will always be someone here to listen.

I was also not around much, on and off, after Nissa 'left', so it's either my memory lapses again, or I'd missed some people's stories. (even now, I don't have as much time as I used to, to visit here for long each time) So I have to ask.....where did you get the name "Hathor"? (it's a great name in my books, for my own personal associations with it) And have you ever posted pics of ALL your kids?

And I just have to say,"poor Velma!" Yikes! That must be such a lonely existence for her, even though it's self-imposed. One has to wonder what happened to her to give her such a "vibe". My late feline friend, Maggie, was rather like that, too, and I always felt so sorry for her, feeling that she 'had' to be like that, probably to protect herself from somethingerother. The only time she gave it up completely was the very day before she was euthanized.....I'm sure her Higher Self knew what was coming....so sad. I never was able to completely let my own guard down around her before then, as she could suddenly lash out, hissing, spitting and scratching, on a moment's notice. But when I worked with her the last evening she was able to visit us, when her breathing was so compromised (from her asthma, apparently), she was so grateful for the help, all those pretenses fell right away and she purred and even wanted to be patted and rubbed. It was part of her final gift to me and broke my heart when I later found out she'd passed.

So even though we like to think of all animals as always unconditional in their love, it's actually not really true in all cases. Not towards each other, quite often, and also not towards US, either, all the time, sometimes no matter how gently they're treated. But this does still tell us how the SAME we all are, too. Given the 'wrong' environment, training, or what-have-you early in life, who knows what may happen to the personality as a defensive measure? It's always either the base emotion of fear, or the one of love, driving all other feelings and behaviours. So I wonder if Velma might have some fear issues that might even be helped with flower, or spirit essences? If so, maybe she and Mai might even end up being able to share your bed?!

Jennifer

Your family sounds wonderful. Thank you for your wonderful words. You have just helped so many people...too many to count.

We never forget these special ones and yes, they teach us so much. I could not imagine my life without at least one of the babies being a part of it.

You have a lot of positive times coming. Enjoy.

Hugs to you and every single one of your babies and especially your Angels.

Judy

Great to hear from you dear Jennifer!

Indeed, we never forget them, not even for a moment, but in time we come to realize that love is all around us, and though we know that it will never be the same, still, it's a wonderful tribute to the ones that are in our hearts for us to open up towards whatever new loves that come our way. Shared love is renewed love.

I can relate to this and feel the same way. This site was an anchor for me, and many times it continues to be. I don't know how I am getting through the loss of my baby girl, but I do believe she brought her brother Dexter to us as a sign of her love and devotion. I know she waits for me and plays free of any ailments at the Rainbow Bridge. I miss her with every fiber and cell of my being. Sometimes it hurts to breathe. And she has given me signs she is here and is wanting me to be okay. I miss her dearly. This site was and is a Godsend. There are so many amazing people here with so much shared devastation and sorrow.

Bless you all and for your sadness, sorrow, and loss, my deepest condolences and gentle hugs.

Jennifer,
Thank you so much for the message .I have lost 3 of our 6 beautiful babies in the last 16months and I to have my grandmother at home with me to die she is 98 .I have always wondered years from now could I look back without getting to messed up.As you said you become a different person and until now I believed I was the only one who felt so different now after losing them so thank you for the insite
Warren ,Teddy,Mummy and Freddie's loving dad missing them always