Hello everybody. I am glad to find this forum. I don’t have a family or anyone else to talk to.

On August 7, 2007, I adopted an eleven-week-old kitten from an animal shelter who they called “Marty”. I was actually a volunteer at the shelter and noticed that the kitten’s eye was very infected. I called it to the attention of the staff on several occasions. After it remained untreated for over a week, I adopted him and took him to one of my own veterinarians, who is especially good with eyes. I renamed the kitten “Jet”.

My veterinarian initially thought Jet’s eye had already ruptured. After they cleaned it out, they saw it had not ruptured. Jet suffered permanent damage to his tear duct, but otherwise fully recovered.

When Jet’s eye was being treated, I would sit on the edge of the bathtub to medicate him. Anytime I sat there after the medication was done, Jet would hop up on my lap and rub his nose against my nose as if he remembered the treatments and was saying “Thank you.” He was my best friend.

On February 2, 2010, I took Jet to the veterinarian after I noticed some weight loss. Jet was diagnosed with Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP). Working with animals for many years, I knew that disease well. I was devastated.

I read about a veterinarian in the UK that had a 25% survival rate with FIP when using Prednisolone and Interferon. Jet and I fought hard with these medications for nine months. He was so brave and strong! Unfortunately, on November 8, 2010, I couldn’t ask him to fight anymore. We said goodbye at 6:20 p.m. at the veterinarian’s office. He died in my arms. My baby boy.

I feel absolutely terrible because when we arrived at the veterinarian for the last time, Jet hid his little face in my arm for protection, but I was the one who brought him there to die! It was me! I absolutely hate myself.

Why, oh why, was he given only three years to live? Why is there no cure for this disease? Why did he recover so well from the eye infection just to get sick again? It is not fair. Jet deserved so much more.

My grandma passed away on Christmas Eve. I asked her to please give me a sign that Jet is in heaven with her. I needed to know that animals go to heaven. This morning on the way to work, an SUV in front of me had a license plate that simply read “JETME”. I read it as “Jet is with Me.” I hope so.

Hi there. I am sorry to hear that you are having to go about this alone, at least until now. You are among others who know exactly what you are going through and know the pain you are feeling. Please feel free to share more stories and pictures with us of how great Jet was. I know it can be difficult, but we'd love to know more about Jet. Jet is absolutely gorgeous, thank you for sharing his picture.

I know right now it might not be any consolation, but please know you can talk to us and openly share what you are feeling. We have all gone through this same pain and will tell you that is is never an easy journey to lose a pet. The bond we share with pets can at times be stronger than bonds we have with humans. That's why the pain is so strong because the love we have for them is even stronger.

My wife and I recently went through a similar issue as you with our Reggie, who left us on October 29. He was diagnosed with hepatic lipidosis and it was too much for his body to overcome. Like you, we gave him every chance possible to battle this disease but we still felt horrible after his passing because we felt we could have done more. That is the guilt portion of grief, which is perhaps the most difficult thing to deal with. I have been battling it myself and just about everyone else here has as well. When you said "I feel absolutely terrible because when we arrived at the veterinarian for the last time, Jet hid his little face in my arm for protection, but I was the one who brought him there to die! It was me! I absolutely hate myself." You mustn't hate yourself as you gave Jet every possible chance to LIVE. You should feel proud that you you adopted him even though he was not "perfect" and gave him the very best life he could have ever had. I urge you to not blame yourself for his passing, as it was not you that made him ill. Neither you or Jet asked for this illness, but it is a cruel and unfortunate part of all living creatures that at times has no rational answer. When my dad was talking to me the day Reggie passed, he posed the question of "why do children get cancer?". Just as when our furball friends become ill, there is no good answer why this happens, other than that is the difficult part about living creatures. As humans we naturally want answers to our questions and want to know "why?" but sometimes there just aren't any answers. That causes our minds to race and question our actions, which we have to consciously understand is part of grieving. Many would not have done what you did to give Jet a chance to LIVE and must always remember that.

It is funny that Jet was originally named Marty. The very first pet I can remember my family owning was a black cat named Marty. This was waaaaay back in the early 80s. He was an amazing cat, just as your Jet was and always will be.

I know that you will continue to heal from this loss, as we all do over time. We never forget our pets and those happy memories are what pull us through, as well as support from others who have experienced the same type of loss. As others here have said, grief is a roller coaster. That's why you have to take it one day at a time, as much of a cliche as it may be.

Hi,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Jet. He seems like a real character. You shouldn't feel angry with yourself - it is clear from your words that you love Jet deeply and would have done anything for him. Jet knows this too, which is why he used to say "thank you" with his little nose rubs. You have no reason to doubt yourself, although it is a normal part of the grieving process.

I hope you continue to visit this forum. It is full of supportive, caring people, who have all been where you are now. We are all here for you every step of the way. You need to seek out support in any way you can.

Take care of yourself,
Cheryl x

Hi, walk alone, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Jet. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Like you, I, too, am the only human in my household, and losing a beloved companion can be especially devastating. I know all too well the deafening sound of silence that permeates every part of the homestead, which makes the stabbing pain of grief and loss feel even more unbearable. So, I can so very well understand how lonely and devastated you are feeling.

Like Aaron and Cheryl have so eloquently shared, each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Each of us on this forum do understand how you are feeling. This grief journey is a very difficult one to travel, so please know you are not alone - - ever.

Walk Alone, this grief journey is filled with so many emotions, highs. lows, twists, turns, upside downs, and turnarounds. It can make you feel sometimes like you're going insane. Unfortunately, guilt is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile because guilt is the result of "hindsight" - - and along with it comes doubts and being overwhelmed with all the "why didn't I' "why did I" "I should have" "I wish I had". Unfortunately we are not gifted with the privilege of foresight, so when we are blessed with a beloved companion in our lives we can only do the very best we can with whatever our resources are and with the information we have at the time. We make our decisions for their well being and happiness, and hope and pray that everything will work out okay - - preferbly that we will have a long and healthy and happy life with them. How blessed Jet is to have you for his mom, for you - - out of all the people in that shelter -- cared about what happened to him. You loved him with all your heart and soul, Walk Alone, and now you are forever blessed with the privilege of his sweet Living Spirit forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do. The love bond you have with your precious Jet is not bound by the physical laws of time and space- it is eternal.

Walk Alone, I am so glad you saw that license plate, and I assure you that your precious Jet is in heaven's perfect garden with the angels. He is now healed to perfection - - he will never ever again be sick, and when it is your appropriate time to see him again please know he will be giving you all the chin rubs he possibly can to let you know that he loves you - - always has and always willl - and is grateful that you released him from his failing, painful physical body. Walk Alone, your precious Jet is forever yours, and you, Walk Alone, are forever his mom. Nothing can ever take that away from either of you.

Walk Alone, I hope in some way what I have shared with you will help you, will be a source of comfort, encouragement, support, and hope to you. Thank you again so much for sharing your sweet precious Jet with us, and hope that in time you will feel able to share more memories and pictures with us, as you feel up to it. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Walk Alone, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Jet. I too lost my cat soul mate that was only 3 years old. You can read my posts to learn more about my cat Opie. I too am crushed by the loss of a cat who was only 3 years old. It does seem so unfair doesn't it.
We all here deal with guilt as a major factor with the loss of our pets. Every single one of us. It just goes with the territory.
You didn't take Jet to the vets "to die", you took him there to give him the gift of peace. To end the suffering. Without you it would have been a slow painful death. You helped him pass over to the other side comfortably with you by his side.
Jet was so lucky to have you. Though his life was short (like my Opie) you gave him 3 special years full of love that he would not have had without you.

Aaron, Cheryl83, moon_beam and missy, thank you for your responses. You had a black cat named "Marty", Aaron! What a coincidence, because it is such an unsual name for a cat.

I'm sorry for all your recent losses - Reggie (my boss has a Labridoodle named Reggie) and Opie. It is so wonderful to read about people who love their pets so much. I cannot wait to read more on this site. I'm really glad I came here. You all are so kind and really do understand. Thank you for that.

I went to pick up Jet's remains from the vet yesterday. They had them in a beautiful wooden urn with carvings of flowers on the top of it. They also made me his paw print in clay, and wrote "Jet" in the clay above his paw print. When I got home, there was a card in the mail from my vet with a bookmark that had the Rainbow Bridge poem on it.

There are lots of things that I will remember about Jet. He played so furiously with his toys when he was a baby that I called him "Turbo Jet". When he grew up and got a little bit of a belly, I called him "Jumbo Jet". He loved the laser pointer toy the most. It sounded like he was ripping the carpet to shreds as he rounded bends and leaped into the air. He also loved to watch helium balloons on the ceiling - the silver, metalic kind. I'd cut the ribbon off so he didn't chew it and he'd just watch them and was especially fascinated when the furnace would come on and make the balloon glide. In fact, he had a "Get Well Soon" balloon during his final week.

I try not to feel guilty. I did do everything I could and I know that. It is just hard because I had to put my Mittens down years ago. He had so many things going on with him and I could tell he didn't want to go on. I had to have my ferret, Journey, put down last year. He had a grand mal seizure and sustained a severe brain injury during the 20 mile drive to the closest vet that was open (it happened on a Saturday night). But, Jet was different. He wanted to live. I know he wanted to live and stay with me; I could see it in his eyes.

I need to focus on the blessing I was given by having nine precious months with him after his diagnosis. The vet estimated six months, so we were fortunate.

I took the first picture right before we left for the vet on his final day. What an angel on earth he was.

The second picture is his collar. I wear it as a bracelet because the bell makes me feel like he is nearby.

Hi, Walk Alone, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and the wonderful memories and pictures you have of your precious Jet. Wearing his collar as a bracelet is a wonderful idea!!!

Bringing home Jet's ashes can be very comforting - - knowing that he's back home with you. I know it's not the same as having his sweet precious physical body to hold onto - - nothing will be able to compensate for that, but I hope having his ashes with you can still be a source of comfort to you.

I can so relate to your statement "I need to focus on the blessing I was given by having nine precious months with him after his diagnosis. The vet estimated six months, so we were fortunate." My beautiful Abbygayle was diagnosed with End Stage Fibrosarcoma in July 2009 and underwent three major surgeries to remove recurring tumors on her left hip, the last surgery being December 10, 2009. When she was assisted to the angels on March 15, 2010, it was exactly 8 months post-diagnosis. As her doctor and I were talking before I left the vet's office in March, I thanked her for giving us those 8 months, and for helping my baby girl to keep her leg through each of the surgeries instead of amputating which would not have stopped the course of the cancer. Abbygayle was able to live a good quality of life through those 8 months because of the dedication of her doctors, and I am very grateful for that. Still, - - even though she lived to be 6 years old, it doesn't matter how long our earthly journey is with our precious companions because it is never long enough - - we will always want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, - - one more lifetime with them.

Walk Alone, thank you so much for sharing some of your memories of your precoius Jet with us, and look forward to sharing more with you as you are able. Perhaps sometime you may want to do a special memorial for him - - like a scrapbook, or a garden, a donation to a research faciliity on FIP in your precious Jet's name, or -- whatever you might think would be a fitting memorial for him. But whatever you decide, he has the most wonderful memorial of all - - an eternal flame of love burning for him in your heart. And it is an honor to share him with you on this wonderful forum. Thank you, Walk Alone.

Walk Alone, there are going to be some good days and some not so wonderful days as you travel this grief journey, but please do remember that through each and all of them we are here for you, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts. I lost two babies within 9 months. One suddenly and the other to cancer. It was really hard. It's almost two and a half years since Lily left and a year and a half since Hunny left us. We fought cancer with Hunny. She was so brave. She lost two toes to it but we had an extra eight months with her. We had to let her go. I could see the pain in her eyes and the cancer had spread. But like everyone else I couldn't bear to let her go. But looking back at the photos of her I could really see the pain in her eyes. I don't know if it was from the pain or from the loss of her precious sister Lily. I took comfort in knowing that they are together again.

This website has been such a blessing for me. Many, many people here understand what we're all going through. I don't come here too often anymore though. I hate to admit it, but it's difficult reading about everyone else's pain when I'm still working on my own. It brings up so many sad memories.

Moon_beam writes so beautifully. I love the comforting words.

Time does help. It really does. I miss my angels so much, but I can make it through the day now without crying. I do find though that I tend to avoid certain songs and situations - just can't bear to think about it. I have four other little furbabies now and they keep my mind busy. They have helped tremendously.

This is a great place. Although it hurts so much, I would not trade one second of the time I had with my angels. Both were only eight when they left. I had tremendous guilt with Lily. She was a rescue and she was supposed to be here till she got old, but I failed her. I still struggle with that. I miss them so much.

I hope you find some help and peace through this website. And yes, there will be ups and downs. I'm not a religious person, but I sure hope I get to be with my babies when my time comes.

Take care.

Yep, and he was an amazing cat. I need to find some old pictures of him sitting on top of a chimney across the street from us. It was an older house built with brick with a lot of "grip" so he was able to climb up the side of that chimney and would wait up top for birds to fly out of it. I was only 4 or 5 when he passed, so I don't have as many memories as my parents do. But enough about me....

As everyone said, we are truly sorry for your loss and completely understand what you are gong through. This site has helped me in more ways than I can describe, as this has undoubtedly been one of the most difficult things I have ever dealt with and certainly the toughest since I married my wife. Reading others' posts and how they are healing helps a great deal. Please don't be a stranger.

Exactly! I sent a thank you note with Jet's photograph to both the veterinarian and her staff. We wouldn't have had those nine months without them! They are angels too, really.

BTW, I love the spelling of sweet Abbygayle's name. That is precious.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and stories. Lynette, two in nine months! How very traumatic for you. I am so sorry.

On Saturday, I took my ferret to the veterinarian. I was called into an exam room and was sitting inside with my ferret on my lap waiting for the doctor. This is my general practice vet - they see every kind of animal.

While my ferret named "Sugar" and I were sitting in the room, I heard little feet run over and go under the chair I was sitting in. I looked down under the chair and didn't see anything. I was worried that an animal from their hospital or waiting room had escaped.

A few moments later, I heard the little footsteps again. This time, I picked Sugar up from my lap and got down on the floor to look under the chair. Nothing.

When I sat back down, I realized that I was sitting in the exact same exam room and in the exact same chair when I lost Jet not two weeks earlier.

Sugar and I were not alone.

You are right, even though they are not with us physically anymore, they will always be with us. I hope you and Sugar are doing OK. Thanks for sharing how you are doing with everyone.

Hi, Walk Alone, that is so amazing - - and wonderful, that your precious Jet was there with you and Sugar. How awesome is that!!!

How did things go with Sugar? Did the vet give you any help, comfort, encouragement, hope? Please know you and your precious Sugar are in my thoughts and prayers, Walk Alone, and look forward to knowing how things are going.

And, thank you about Abbygayle's name. I looked at various versions of the spelling of the name, and liked this one the best - - it just seemed so regal - - for a princess, and that's what she is - - a beautiful princess. In fact I would often call her "Lady Abbygayle" or "Princess Abbygayle."

Again, Walk Alone, please know you and Sugar are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam