I am feeling so guilty over the death 2 days ago of our 11 year old black pug, Clancy. I'm not even certain I belong here because I feel like a terrible pet owner--just an awful person. It all started Tuesday when our house was just crazy with activity. We had a small house fire a few weeks back & the insurance adjuster was here. We also had someone here helping to clean up the remaining soot leftover from the fire. My husband was working from home--a demanding job that keeps him on call 24/7. My 4 kids were being their usual selves, wanting attention. My husband & I were on the phone ordering a new oven (casualty of the fire) and finalizing vacation plans. None of it should have removed our focus from caring for our dog, but stupidly it did. I had asked my husband to put Clancy in the yard, the yard she loved to run & play in, just until things calmed down a bit. When he went to bring her inside, she had collapsed. My heart sank & I immediately put her in our bathtub, trying to revive her. She seemed stable enough to make the trip to her vet. They worked on her to stabilize her further & sent us to a larger animal hospital. She was critical and we prayed so very hard that she would recover. How could we have let this happen? Why was our poor dog suffering for our stupidity?
The following morning, the vet told me that although she was still critical, she had not gotten worse, which was a promising sign. We no sooner hung up when the vet called my husband to say Clancy had stopped breathing & they were doing CPR. After 15 minutes, they were still unable to revive her.
I am so sick over this that I can barely get out of bed. How could we have hurt our sweet dog like this? Clancy, I am so, so sorry! I don't think I can ever forgive myself. I am the mommy. It's my job to care for everyone. She needed us & we let her down.
It's ok if I get hurtful responses---I deserve it. I would do anything to turn back the clock. I know I will never be the same. My heart is broken & it's my own fault.

I'm so sorry to hear about Clancy, but how was this your fault. What happened outside?

I'm sorry. I should have added that. She was overcome by the heat. Owning shortnosed breeds, we were aware of their susceptibility to heat. What we did not know was they can be hurt in as little as 10 minutes & it does not have to be extremely warm for it to happen. Our sweet dog paid for our ignorance & my heart just aches for her. We should have been more attentive. We should have known better.

It's not your fault. And I know nothing that I say or anyone else will say will make you feel better right now. Your pain is just too great.

Unfortunately stuff like this happens. I lost Lily last summer. I think she choked on a bone. She'd eaten how many bones before? My husband thinks maybe she swallowed a bee, but I don't know. All I know is we tried to save her but we couldn't. She was only eight. I even kicked her in the diaphragm hoping it would dislodge whatever was there. I know, that makes me such an awful person. I hate myself more than anything. But what my husband was doing wasn't working. I carry with me the pain of knowing that I did this to her. And I will always remember the life fading from her eyes. I've only seen her once in a dream, so I put it down to her being mad at me. And I don't blame her one bit. I miss her so much. It's been over a year since I held and kissed her.

She's with Hunny now. We had to send Hunny to her April 4th. She was diagnosed with cancer just a few short days after Lily died.

I know the pain you're feeling. It hurts so much. But I know in my heart that Lily, and Hunny, knew how much I loved them. I just hope some day that they will forgive me. I didn't want them to go, but I had no choice - or maybe I did - I don't know.

In time, this pain will lessen. And you'll start to remember the better times. Clancy loved you and she knew how much you loved her.

Please ease on the self-blaming game. It doesn't help. It doesn't bring her back. I know - I've been there.

Let the guilt go. I know it's hard, but that's the only thing you can do. This is a great site.

Thinking of you.

Lynette.

I am so sorry! I lost my two babies July 15 and August 2. I think alot of people on this site have guilt. I know I do and I did the best I could. You did the best you could. You loved your baby and tried to help. I will pray for you and your family. I know the pain. It is unrelenting but you are not alone.

Blessings,
Nisey

Thank you everyone for your kind words & I am sorry for your losses as well. I am glad that I found this site. I'm feeling so many emotions right now & I do realize it will take time to heal. It just hurts so bad, as I am the kind of person who could never hurt anyone or anything, let alone my dog, who I loved.
Anyway, thank you again. I will continue to find strength in the words I find here as I try to begin to heal.

please be kind to yourself. this was not your fault. if only they could speak and tell us something is wrong, but they cant. accidents happen all the time. just the other day i drove my mother and my little lucy about an hour away to my mothers appt. in my mind, we were close to the beach therefore cooler and plus the appt was in the morning hours before it got really hot. i was sure lucy would be ok in the car. we got there ok and i left her, checked on her a little later and it was still nice and cool. i had parked u'neat the shade and the windows rolled down a bit. the breeze was lovely and i didnt have any worries. but the appt dragged on a bit longer than anticipated and rather than check on her, i just waited it out. finally when my mother was getting ready to leave i checked on lucy again. only this time it was much hotter outside and as i ran to the car, my little one was in the back, panting rather heavily and looking rather drowsy. needless to say i opened the doors, took her out immediately and poured water all over her. as i checked inside the car, i wanted to kill myself for not thinking. The car was so hot. i was lucky that i got a second chance but like you i beat myself up for the rest of the day until i realized that it was serving no purpose. we are human and i know that im a good mom as i would never do anything on purpose to hurt my lucy, just like you were a wonderful mom to little clancy and would never go out of your way to hurt her. this was an unfortunate accident. i know youre hurting and nothing i can say will make you feel better right now but time heals and you will get to a place where you will be able to remember clancy with a smile.
you are in my thoughts and prayers.
patricia

ps: and lynette if your reading this, lily is not mad at you. these wonderful companions are incapable of feeling this emotion. they only feel love for us. please believe that. you did everything you could to save her and that is priceless. stop beating yourself up for that. (i know easier said than done) lily loved you with all her heart as you did her. hold on to that and begin to let all the anger towards yourself go. lily and hunny cannot possibly ever forgive you because there is nothing to forgive. they loved you till their last breathe. really. a big giant hug from lucy and me to both of you and a tongue-up-the nose kiss that only lucy can give. you are both wonderful loving people.

Thank you Patricia.

The tears fell as I read your comforting words.

Thank you so very much.

Lynette.

lynette, ive posted to your site in response...

Thank you so much boozle & Patricia for your kindness. It is comforting to read your words. I think in situations like this, we are our own worst enemies. Patricia, I am so glad your Lucy is ok.
I donated to a pug rescue in Clancy's memory. It made me feel good to think I was helping another little pug in need. I also noticed a local business giving away kittens today. Although the cats were crated, with fans, food & water, & in the shade, it was 95 degrees here today. I emailed them my story in the hopes that it will make a difference for those little kitties. I think it's a know better, do better type of thing & people really don't grasp how quickly this can happen. It eases my pain to feel I may be making a difference.

Dear Soverysad you are such a normal human being, just living life as we all do & then WHAM!!!!!! As Lynnette says nothing anyone can say will be able to sink in right now, you are in shock & unable to process all that has happened. Don't let guilt over an accident rob you of the love in your heart (which feels like it's just been ripped in two) for your companion. The first few days are just awful!!!!! breathe out first then in, out again & then in.....you will get thru this....all of us here understand the loss of our companions....never an easy thing to go thru but so worth the love we have gotten from them, they love us unconditionally.......we cannot comprehend this.....even when we aren't grieving....be gentle to yourself....
{{{HUGS}}} to you.
elaine

what a wonderful thing to do. and by doing so in clancy's honor. well, all i can say is clancy is smiling from ear to ear. its such a beautiful thing to help others in need because in turn it helps us heal. and im so glad you are helping the kitties too. youre absolutely right. these accidents happen in a split second and it can happen to anyone and everyone. things that have helped me survive the passing of my little ones are putting together a memorial. i have their bowls and photos up on a shelf that i walk by everyday. i dont now, it helps me to know that i have their belongings still. also my vet recommended putting a little scrapbook together. as painful as it was ( i think blunt object thru my eye would have been less painful) and as much as i cried, ii felt close to them. i have that little scrapbbook too and when i feel sad i open it and "touch" them. maybe this is something you can do to help you get thru this awful time. i promise you will get thru this. keep writing as this was the most healing for me. it still is. and know that you are not alone. we all understand what youre going thru.

you are in my thoughts and prayers.
patricia